


Hail, Rain, or Sunshine

by Snoweylily



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Abused Spock, Abusive Relationships, Abusive Sarek, Adorable Spock, Angst, BAMF Bones, Beautiful Spock, Chekov is cute as usual, Dammit Jim, F/M, Fluff, Fugitives, Hurt Spock, Hurt/Comfort, Jim to the Rescuse, M/M, Mentions of non-con, Oblivious Jim, Oblivious Spock, On the Run, Poor Spock, Pre Starfleet, Pre-Series, Protective Bones, Protective Jim, Slow Build, Young Jim, Young Spock, insecure spock, protective Uhura
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-19
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2018-10-21 02:12:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 39
Words: 48,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10675554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snoweylily/pseuds/Snoweylily
Summary: Spock has always been surrounded by pain. Abuse from his father, from his fiancé, from his classmates. Eventually, he snaps. James T Kirk is adamant on having one last year of freedom before joining Starfleet. Stealing a small ship and running away with a group of misfits, was not part of the plan. So when they meet in a desolate bar, it's only natural that they should join up.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> My 23rd Fanfic and I'm not really sure where I'm going with it...  
> You don't see a lot of Abused!Spock around the place, and I've had this idea circulating in my head for a while now, so I decided to post it...  
> It's an AU, set before Jim, aged 22, becomes a Starfleet captain and Spock, aged 17, hasn't been assigned to a Starship yet. Spock is in an abusive house with an abusive finacé and finally packs up and runs away. Jim, on the other hand, kind of maybe possibly accidently stole a ship with Bones, Uhura, Sulu, Scotty and Chekov, and now they're running for their lives. And, conveniently I know, Jim and Spock meet in a pub.  
> Updates will be sporadic and uneven and irregular and who knows what else, but THIS FIC WILL BE COMPLETED!  
> I have never abandoned a fanfic and I don't plan on starting now!  
> Have fun!  
> Rachel :D
> 
>  
> 
> [](http://tinypic.com?ref=zv51xd)  
> 

Spock has always been surrounded by pain. Abuse from his father, abuse from his future husband, and abuse from his fellow classmates has been the norm for him as long as he can remember. Too human for Vulcans, yet too Vulcan for humans, and considered 'too pretty' for either race, he has never really fit in, and eventually- He snaps. Hitchhiking across the galaxy had never really been a dream of his, but hey, you can't be picky while on the run.

James T. Kirk (and ever-suffering-best-friend Leonard 'Bones' McCoy) was adamant on having one last year of freedom before getting stationed on a Starship. Hitchhiking across the galaxy had always been a dream of his, after all. Accidentally stealing a small ship and running away with a group of misfits and rebels, however, was not.

So when one run-away-Spock is saved by one run-away-Jim in a desolate bar in the middle of the universe, it's only natural that they should join up.


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here's the official Chapter 1!
> 
> QUICK QUESTION: In a lot of Star Trek fanfics, I see Chekov's speech written as "I can do zat!" as opposed to "I can do that!"  
> Which one would you guys prefer me to use? (Written w/ a Russian accent, or no?)
> 
> Rachel :)

**Chapter 1**

The worst time to feel alone, is when you're in the middle of a crowd.

* * *

Spock kept his head carefully ducked, his hood pulled up tight to cover his pointed ears and large eyes from the Terran's surrounding him.

_Such pretty brown eyes you have-_

He angrily shook his head, and focused on putting one foot in front of the other as he made his way towards the door of the bar. The lashes on his back twinged with every step he took, and his bruised ribs smarted painfully whenever he sighed.

Which, due to the revolting humans surrounding him, was quite often.

"Hey! Hey, hot stuff! You looking for a ride? Cause I'll give you the ride of your life!"

Spock flushed angrily but ignored the laughs that followed him, well used to the taunting and jeering by now. Pulling his thin coat closer around himself, he stepped into the dimly lit Terran bar.

"What will it be, sugar?"

Spock mentally winced at the name, and quietly asked for a water.

It was free, after all.

"Coming right up, honey".

A flirtatious wink and a not-so-subtly placed number on a napkin later, and Spock was silently sipping the only flavourless concoction in the room full of alcohol and noise.

A particularly loud crash made him flinch, and he looked up just in time to see a drunk man stumble towards him, the smell of cheap beer and hot whiskey on his breath.

"Hey brown eyes. Wats a pretty 'ing like you doin' 'ere all by yer 'onesome?"

Spock ignored him, and focused on the condensation running down the side of his glass. It was warm in the room, but not warm enough.

He shivered.

The man frowned and leant closer, "'ey! 'M talkin' to you!"

He took a deep breath and tried his best to block out the irritating voice, somewhat succeeding after all his years of practice.

* * *

Until the man got physical, that was.

* * *

Spock flinched back violently as his arm was grabbed in a vice-like grip.

"I told you 'M TALKIN' TO YOU!"

"And he's clearly telling you to leave him the hell alone".

* * *

The Vulcan looked up in surprise as a blonde man shoved his way between them, effectively removing his arm from the vile strangers grasp.

* * *

"An' jus' who da hell are you?"

"I'm the guy telling you to get lost" He growled, "So beat it, punk".

"I saw 'im first!" He snapped, and Spock felt an angry flush cover his ears.

He had never been so glad for his hood before.

He watched from the corner of his eye as the blonde straightened up and threateningly leant forwards.

"He's not an object, you revolting imbecile, and he clearly does NOT want you leering at him. So get lost. _Now_ ".

The man swore viciously at him and went to take a swing, but the blonde easily caught his arm and jerked it back down to his side.

Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a rectangular piece of paper, and flashed it at the man.

"Do you know what this is?"

The man squinted but slowly shook his head and the blonde glared at him.

"I am a police officer" He hissed, "And that means I have every right to arrest your ass on the spot right now if I so please and throw you into prison on accounts of assault, harassment, and verbal abuse for a long, _long_ , time. Do you want that?"

He quickly shook his head.

The man lent forwards until he was a mere inch from the drunkard's face.

"Then scram".

* * *

He ran for it.

* * *

"Hey, you alright?"

Spock slowly looked up at the blonde as he turned to face him, a look of concern coming over his features. He studied him carefully, remaining silent.

The man stared at him.

"Are you here by yourself?" He asked again, before frowning when he got no reply, "Do you need any help?"

Silence.

"Can I at least... call someone for you?"

Spock continued to study him closely.

He seemed fairly... worried.

And not at all leery and/or creepy.

The man sighed heavily before collapsing down on the stool next to him, "... Man, you don't talk much, do you?"

Silence.

"... I'm not actually a police officer" He continued, "I just used an old receipt to scare him off. He was too drunk to see that it wasn't a badge".

Nothing.

"I'm Jim" He said suddenly, holding out his hand.

If he noticed Spock flinch back, he didn't mention it.

The Vulcan glanced down at the offered arm before quickly snapping his gaze back up to the stranger.

He didn't want to shake his hand, but he didn't want to face the consequences of not doing so either.

Just as he was about to reach out, however, the man withdrew, and Spoke froze, tensing himself for whatever punishment he was about to be dealt.

* * *

To his never-ending surprise, the man just smiled at him.

* * *

"Not much of a touchy-feely type of guy either, huh? Well, to each their own, I guess" His smile faded slightly, "Look, man, I know that you... don't want to talk to me, or even look at me, for that matter... But will you at least tell me if you're hurt or not?"

Spock blinked in shock.

He was... genuinely concerned about him?

He shook his head.

No, that was nonsense.

If his own father didn't care then why should this stranger?

... But if he didn't tell him he would get in trouble.

So maybe, if he just... answered him? Would that keep him happy?

"I..." He cleared his throat nervously, "I find myself... Adequate".

He had been told many times before that his voice held a certain musical tenor to it, that it drew you in and made you want to never let go, that is was the equivalent of a verbal aphrodisiac, that _it's your own fault for making me hurt you like this Spock, how am I meant to control myself when you speak like that?!_

So when the man's eyes widened and his mouth dropped open, it came as no surprise to the Vulcan, and he immediately cowered back from the stranger, berating himself for ever uttering a single word.

* * *

It would appear, however, that whatever deity existed on this Terran star base, they were determined to surprise the Vulcan with everything the stranger said.

* * *

"Adequate?" He asked incredulously, " _Adequate?_ Where the _hell_ did you get a word as big as that?!"

Spock frowned, confused.

"Damn, that's a long word" He continued, sitting back in his chair, "Seriously man. Like. Wow... You know, I should introduce you to Chekov, the kid would have a field trip with you. Mini genius that he is, he loves those long complicated words".

It took another second for it to click.

This man wasn't in shock because of his voice... He was in shock because of the words he had used.

The Vulcan blinked at him, "... Spock".

The stranger turned back to him, "What?"

He swallowed back his fears, "... Spock. My name is Spock".

"Oh... Oh, cool, alright then" He replied, grinning, "I'm Jim. Jim Kirk. Nice to meet you Spock".

He couldn't help but smile back, and although the man's gaze drifted down to his lips and lingered there, they quickly refocused on less dangerous territory a mere second later, as he met his gaze once more.

"So, Mr. Spock, you sure you're alright? I mean, that man's breath _was_ pretty deadly".

And although his words were light and teasing, there was worry laced in his tone of voice once more.

Spock decided that he liked this human.

"I am ade-" He paused, "... I am okay".

Jim grinned, "Oh, don't worry. There's no need to lower yourself to mere _simple_ words like the rest of us lesser beings. I quite liked your 'adequatey' earlier on".

He couldn't help himself.

"Adequateness".

"What?"

He braced himself for the inevitable blow.

"It's adequateness... Adequatey isn't actually a word".

"... Oh".

His smile fell.

Spock tensed.

"Well, I guess you really do learn a new thing every day, now, don't you?"

And the grin was back in place.

Spock stared at him in wonder, amazed by the Terran's capacity for kindness.

"Hey, so, uh, I better get back to my friends... They're probably wondering where I've gone".

* * *

Of course, it was too good to last.

* * *

"But, no offence, I don't really want to leave you alone encase another creep comes by, 'cause you don't look like the aggressive type" Jim continued, "So, do you want to... would you _like_ to... come sit with us?"

He blinked.

And blinked again.

And blinked once more.

"I mean, obviously, you don't have to. I'm not going to _make_ you come join us. But I don't want to leave you here either, cause there's plenty of girls, and guys alike, eyeing you up and I just don't feel right letting you face them alone. But you don't have to come. I could always just stay here. With you. Or not with you. That's cool too-"

He was rambling, Spock realised.

The human tendency for words belying their nerves amazed him.

He couldn't help but smile.

"I'd... love to".

And the man smiled back.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Spock awkwardly shuffled after Jim as they made their way through the bar.

He could feel eyes on him from all sides, leering at him, waiting for the opportunity to strike, and he unconsciously stepped closer to the blonde in front of him.

While the man _had_ shown his aggressive side, it hadn't been directed at Spock, and so far, he felt like this Terran wouldn't hurt him.

_I didn't want to hurt you, you know. You made me do it, Spock, you asked for this-_

He swallowed thickly and pushed away the memories, coming to an abrupt halt as he realised the man had stopped walking.

Cautiously peering around him, he noticed four people sitting at the table, three men and one woman.

* * *

Jim grinned, and gestured towards the first man, the eldest of the group, "Spock, this Doctor Leonard McCoy, but we all call him Bones. He's 26 years old, and pretty much just grumpy cat personified".

The Vulcan frowned, unaware of the term 'grumpy cat'.

"The guy next to him is Hikaru Sulu, 24, kinda friendly but kinda crazy".

The Asian man grinned at him.

"Next is the ever-lovely Nyota Uhura" Jim continued, pointing at the darkly skinned woman, "At 23 years old, she's kind, sweet, honest, but will _not_ hesitate to slit your throat if you look at her oddly".

"The little blonde kid is Pavel Chekov. Russian, 19, he's the baby of the group but could out-drink all of us at 13".

He gave a smirk and a wave.

"And finally" He said, talking a deep breath, "Montgomery Scott, aka Scotty, is a 28 year old Scotch-loving Scotsman, and is currently still on ship overlooking some minor engine room repairs".

He turned back to the others, "Guys, this is Spock. He's..."

He stopped.

Jim turned to face him, "How old are you?"

Spock hesitated.

* * *

He didn't want to lie to these humans, lies always got him in trouble... But he _was_ technically still a minor at 17, and if there was anything at all in this universe that he was sure of, it was that he would never allow himself to go back to Vulcan.

* * *

He blinked, and found the doctor narrowing his eyes at him.

"... I'm 21, in human years".

There.

The age translation could explain his pause.

Jim grinned once more, "Guys, this is Spock. He's 21 years old, quiet, not touchy-feely, and a master of long complicated words".

"Not touchy-feely, huh?" Sulu smirked, "I'm afraid you'll have to change that. Jim here is quite... _fond_... of physical contact".

Kirks smile fell, "I like hugs. You can't judge a man for liking hugs. It the people who _don't_ like hugs that you should watch out for".

"Spock, in other words" Bones summarised, still staring at him distrustfully, and Jim frowned, "No... Well... I mean, technically... You should... But-"

He abruptly stopped and turned to Spock once more.

"... Do we need to treat you like a dangerous fugitive?"

"I..." Spock paused, trying to gauge what response they were looking for, "... No?"

"That sounded suspiciously like a question".

McCoy scowled at him, "Well, you're not human. So just what, exactly, are you?"

" _Leonard!_ " Nyota snapped, glaring at him, and Spock immediately dropped his gaze.

* * *

_Congratulations; you've only been here two minutes and you've already angered them._

* * *

"I'm just asking what species he is!" Bones snapped, "He said he's 21 in _human_ years so clearly, he's not human. And it's too bloody dark in this damn room for me to make out his features so what else could I do but ask?!"

"You could have asked more politely!" She growled, rolling her eyes at him, before suddenly turning to face the man in question, "Du nam-tor Vuhlkansu, ha?"

_**You are Vulcan, yes?** _

Spock couldn't hide his surprise at the fluent words.

She smiled, "Ik tor wuh kwai stab na' ish-veh badres fi' ish-veh fash heh wuh zhit du is-tor... Hi ish-veh's aljiert, du fai-tor. Etek're ri xonytpic".

_**I made a wild stab at it based on your hood and the words you used... But it's alright, you know. We're not xenophobic.** _

He thought carefully, knowing he couldn't lie, "Tra' nam-tor ved wuh zamu... Gubi... lu sarlah ish-veh tor t'nash-veh ne-koshtri".

_**There are quite a few... Stigmas... when it comes to my race** _

He ignored the astonished looks of the others when he replied in the same language.

"Ik ken-tor... Hi tra' nam-tor ved wuh zamu gubi k' wuh komihn ne-koshtri nuh', du fai-tor. Etek're ri going tor juffip du na' ish-veh... Du mokuhlek sahrafel etek".

_**I understand... But there are quite a few stigmas with the human race too, you know. We're not going to judge you for it... You can trust us** _

Trust.

The word tasted bitter on his tongue.

Spock had never liked that word.

* * *

He turned his gaze back to the four confused-looking humans and studied them closely.

They didn't _look_ angry.

Well, asides from Doctor McCoy.

But according to Mr Kirk, he was always grumpy looking, so maybe it _wasn't_ his fault for once.

They looked... genuinely curious.

"I'm... not human".

"No shit, Sherlock".

"Fuck you, Watson".

Bones and Kirk glared at each other.

Spock swallowed nervously, "I would... prefer... if possible... not to... say?"

Their faces fell and he involuntarily took a step back.

Nyota, however, smiled, "Well, you can always tell us later. Do you have a drink?"

He blinked, confused.

He didn't have to leave?

Slowly, ever so slowly, he held up his glass of water.

Chekov's face brightened, "Vodka?"

"No, you little under-aged alcoholic, it's just water" Jim teased, and he frowned, "Zat's not a drink".

Spock shifted awkwardly on his feet.

"Well it's _his_ drink" Jim replied, "So come on. Shove over and make room!"

They did as told and Jim collapsed on the squishy chair with a dramatic sigh, Spock more-elegantly perching next to him.

"So" Bones began, decidedly less angry looking, "Where did you pick up this stray?"

It took a few seconds for Spock to realise that _he_ was the stray.

Jim's face darkened, "Some creep wasn't backing off when he was told to".

Bones glared, "Is he still alive?"

"Of course".

"How unfortunate".

Spock looked up in surprise but the doctor met his gaze evenly.

He couldn't fight back the faint blush that came over his cheeks as his heart warmed at the concern shown, despite the man's earlier bluntness, and he ducked down his head, embarrassed.

* * *

He didn't see Jim's fond smile focused on him, or McCoy's eye roll in response.

* * *

"So, come on" Jim said suddenly, bumping shoulders with Spock, "Why are you out in this junk yard of a bar in the middle of nowhere, anyway?"

"I could ask you the same thing" He replied, the corner of his mouth twitching.

He would never have been as brazen with his father, or, Space forbid, his _fiancé_ , but from what he had gathered about the humans so far, they found his sharp wit and sarcasm almost _endearing_.

And as long as he kept them happy, they would have less reasons to hurt him.

Kirk laughed, "Yea, I guess you could... We're, ah... I suppose you could... possibly maybe say that... that we're... in... hiding?"

Sulu snorted into his glass, Chekov grinned, and Uhura rolled her eyes.

Only Bones was brave enough to speak up.

"In hiding, my ass. We're on the run from Starfleet".

* * *

Spock raised an eyebrow at him, and he smirked, "Jimmy boy over there, stole a Starship".

"Accidentally! I _accidentally_ stole a Starship" He corrected, "And it's not stealing if it wasn't intentional!"

"Oh please, how could _accidentally_ steal something?" Nyota shot back, and Pavel nodded, "Yea, not even I could do zat!"

Jim's cheeked flushed enticingly and Spock couldn't help but lean a little closer to the loud, warm human.

"It was _not_ my fault! It was all Finnegan's!"

"Yea, like I haven't heard that one before" Bones grumbled, taking a sip of beer.

"It's true!" He whined, "That Irish bastard set me up!"

"Jim. You stole a ship. No one could make anyone do that 'accidentally', least of all Finnegan" Bones replied.

Spock frowned, confused.

They had stolen a _starship?_

Kirk saw his expression and sighed, "... Bones and I were in the Starfleet Academy together-"

"No. _You_ were in the Starfleet Academy, _I_ was doing my last year as a doctor".

"We were in the Academy at the same time!" Jim snapped, "But that's not the point. The point is that we wanted-"

"You wanted".

" _We_ wanted" He continued, "To have one last year of freedoms before getting assigned onboard a ship, alright?"

Spock quickly nodded.

"Well, somehow, the day of our graduation, due to Finnegan-"

"Your bad timing and use of the word 'Klingon'"

"Due to _Finnegan_... I accidentally stole a Starship... And took Bones with me... And picked up these misfits, rebels, and strays along the way... Yea... We're kind of fugitives now".

Spock stared at him.

Jim blinked back innocently.

Bones sighed heavily.

"So, long story short, we're going on an adventure" Uhura finished, smiling, "... And also, Jim is too scared to return to the Academy in case they arrest him".

" _We're going on an adventure!_ " Kirk snapped, "And besides, it's was _after_ graduation, so technically, I'm a qualified Starfleet Officer now and would have been stationed on a ship anyway. By doing things _this_ way, I just..."

"Sped up zee process!" Chekov said cheerfully, and he nodded, "Exactly. I just sped up the process. But anyway, that's not the point. The _point_ is that I was asking _Spock_ why _he_ is here, not why we are".

They all turned to the Vulcan expectantly, and he quickly took a sip of water to buy himself some time.

* * *

He couldn't tell them the truth, or they'd send him back. But he couldn't say nothing either...

* * *

"I... wanted to travel".

"From?" Bones asked.

"From my planet".

"Which is?"

"No longer housing me".

"And it's called?"

"My planet".

"Your planet is called 'my planet'?"

"Of course not. But it's my planet to me".

Bones growled in frustration and Spock leant away from the man.

Perhaps he had overstepped the 'witty-and-sarcastic' line.

"Why won't you tell us where you're from?" Jim asked, frowning, "Are you afraid we'll... judge you, or something?"

He remained silent.

Kirk sighed, "Spock... I've met over one hundred different aliens in my time, and I'm not even 23 yet. I'm not going to discriminate a single person because of what their species has done. You know yourself the problems humans have had with discrimination in the past, and even today you can see racism and sexism at every corner you turn... I'm not going to judge you for what race you are. And neither are the rest of these guys".

Spock pushed back the fuzzy feelings that came over him and tried to focus on the more Vulcan, _logical_ , side of his brain.

They wanted answers to many questions that he could not give. He couldn't trust these people, no matter how nice and friendly they seemed. His father and fiancé were sure to have many people out looking for him, and possibly even a reward for his capture.

And it was no secret that money had changed many minds before.

So no. He couldn't tell them who really was. Or the real reason why he left. But if he just chose his words _carefully_ and gave them _just_ enough to be satisfied... He wouldn't get beaten for lying to them either.

* * *

Spock took a deep breath, "... I left my planet because I did not agree with my people's culture. I disliked my family's customs and traditions immensely, and so, I ran".

There.

That wasn't entirely a lie.

"You ran?" Bones asked, looking a lot more sedated that before, "As in... ran away? As in they wouldn't have left you leave if you had asked so you were forced to escape yourself?"

"... Affirmative" He finally replied, stiffly, before mentally wincing at the pitying looks he got from those sitting around the table.

Only Uhura seemed to understand the real implications of a Vulcan running from home.

"Au'll stau du." She whispered, "Du da-tor ish-veh pla' fi' ish-veh skan, heh na' ish-veh ves ik's wuh ka-talupik t' kam'nat. Kuv du fun... au'll stau du".

_**They'll kill you... You turned your back on your family, and for your kind that's the equivalent of treason. If you return... they'll kill you.** _

He nodded once, tightly, and she stared at him, horrified, "Spock... Du'll worla nam-tor kup tor fun ha-kel".

_**Spock... You'll never be able to return home.** _

"... Ish-veh vesh' ri t'nash-veh ha-kel" He admitted, voice just as soft.

_**... It wasn't my home.** _

Sulu looked between them and frowned, "... I'm sensing that we're missing something important here".

"I zecond zat!" Chekov hiccuped, and Bones sighed, prying the glass of vodka from the teens grasp, "Yes, well, _I'm_ sensing that you've had enough to drink for one night. I don't want to be cooking up hangover cures for you tomorrow morning, no matter how much I enjoy watching you suffer... If those two are speaking in whatever the hell Spock's native tongue is, then it's obviously something they don't want the rest of us to know... I trust Nyota's judgement on this".

"You trust Spock's right to privacy, on this" She corrected, giving him a stern look.

He stared at her, "... That too, I guess".

Jim turned to face Spock.

"Okay, so, _you're_ on the run... And _we're_ on the run" He said, a wide grin coming across his features, "... So how about we go on the run together?"


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Spock wasn't quite sure what had happened.

He glanced around the room once more.

This wasn't the Terran bar.

This was the Starship.

Jim's Starship.

He was on Jim's Starship.

He frowned, trying to remember just when, exactly, he had agreed to this because, as far as he could remember... He hadn't.

* * *

" _Come on, I'm serious!" Jim laughed, looking at him._

_Spock's eyebrow merely rose higher as a result._

" _I mean how bad could it be?" He continued, "We're technically fugitives, you're technically a fugitive, it only makes sense that we join up"._

" _... That logic does not-"_

" _Oh, ignore the_ logic _, Spock. Have fun!" Kirk teased, grinning that perfect little smile of his, "Oh, how about this, I'll offer you a deal"._

" _I fail to see how a 'deal' is going to end-"_

" _You come with us" Jim interrupted, "Or else, you stare me straight in the eye and say that you don't want to join me... If you can do that, I'll let you go, no hard feelings"._

_And in that moment, staring into those hazel eyes, eyes like rays of sunshine on polished stone... Spock found that he couldn't say no._

* * *

He blinked.

Ah yes.

That was how he ended up here, on the bridge, with a grinning Jim Kirk to his right, a smirking Nyota Uhura to his left, and an exasperated Leonard McCoy a few feet in front of him. Both Sulu and Chekov had ran off the second they entered the ship.

* * *

"Well?" Bones snapped, "Are you just going to stand there all day or actually come in?"

Spock quickly snapped to attention and followed the man into the main control room of the ship, looking at everything in awe.

He had bartered his way across the galaxy in half a dozen different cargo ships when he left Vulcan, but he'd always been kept below deck on those Starships, and had never actually seen the helm before.

He looked around the room, sharp eyes taking in every detail as fast as he could process them, and from his side, he heard Jim chuckle.

"Never seen a ships bridge before?"

He wordlessly shook his head, taking in the impressive control systems and multicoloured flashing lights.

Oh, what he would give to learn what they all meant...

"You like it so far then, I take it?" Kirk continued, effortlessly bounding forwards and collapsing in the captain's chair in the centre of the room, playfully spinning around to face Spock.

He couldn't help but smile at the carefree attitude of the human, and found himself relaxing despite this new, strange, place.

So far the Terran's hadn't shown him any violence, and both Jim and Nyota were genuinely caring and non-aggressive people. The doctor, also, was fiercely protective of his own, though Spock wasn't quite sure if he would choose peaceful means over a good ole' fight yet. And as for Sulu and Chekov, while they both seemed friendly and just as kind as the others, he hadn't spoken much to them throughout the evening, what with the younger getting drunk and the older having to keep him out of trouble.

But so far?

It was better than anything Spock could have dreamed.

* * *

"So, are you going to finally take off that hood of yours or not?"

He jumped at the sudden question and turned to face the doctor.

Bones stared at him expectantly, a solitary eyebrow raised.

"Well?" He pressed, "You know we won't judge you based on your species, and you can't keep yourself covered up for the rest of your stay here, so... Come on. Off with it".

Spock felt his breathing hitch, and quickly tried to control it.

_They're good humans, remember, they've given you no reason to distrust them yet._

He swallowed thickly and glanced over at Nyota.

She gave a reassuring smile and nodded.

She already knew what he was, after all, and she hadn't reacted baldly... So maybe her friends would be the same?

And at any case, even if it _did_ go wrong... He was the closest to the door.

And so, taking a deep breath, he reached up and pulled back his hood.

* * *

Bones froze.

Jim's chair abruptly stopped spinning.

And Uhura smirked in smug satisfaction.

* * *

Spock quickly read their reactions, resisting the urge to reach up and cover his ears.

They were the Vulcan trademark, after all, and despite growing his hair out of the traditional bowl cut in hopes of covering them, it didn't work.

Both men continued to stare at him in shock, jaws dropped and eyes wide.

He shifted awkwardly on his feet.

He could only hope that they'd snap out of it soon.

And as if reading his thoughts, Nyota stepped up next to him and rolled her eyes, "Alright boys, shut your mouths or you'll catch flies. He's beautiful, we get it already"

Spock flushed at the compliment, for once said without any ulterior motive, and ducked his head to hide his heated cheeks. From the corner of his eye, he saw Bones shake himself out of it, while Jim continued to stare in shocked surprise, mouth opening and closing as he tried to form the words he needed to say.

* * *

"You're _Vulcan?!_ " Bones asked loudly, and Spock flinched back, automatically turning to face the door.

"No, wait, Spock, I didn't mean it like... I didn't mean it like, as in, a _bad_ thing. I'm just... surprised... _very_ surprised..." McCoy explained, still staring with wide eyes, "You're... You're Vulcan... A real-life Vulcan... Damn, I wasn't expecting that".

"You and me both" Jim finally got out, voice strained, and Spock felt like he had been slapped.

"You're... I mean, I just... I didn't think... You're really..." He trailed off, unable to communicate what he was saying.

Spock angrily shoved back the wet heat springing to his eyes, and turned towards the door, "I understand. I'll just-"

A hand on his arm stopped him, and he automatically flinched back, head turning to brace himself for the blow.

* * *

But none came.

* * *

Instead, a quiet voice, soft and caring, spoke.

"... Spock?"

The hand around his wrist gently tugged him closer, and he cautiously turned to find a very worried looking Jim Kirk standing in front of him.

From behind the Terran, two equally worried looking humans, staring at him with a mixture of concern, fear, and pity.

* * *

He never liked pity.

* * *

"Spock?" Jim asked again, and the Vulcan swallowed thickly, turning his gaze back to him.

Kirk slowly let go of his arm, and he immediately missed the comforting heat.

"I didn't want to... I didn't _mean_ to... to scare you or anything" Jim said, "And I didn't mean what I said earlier in a bad way, either. I don't mind that you're Vulcan. None of do. Really, we only reacted the way we did because... well... we were surprised, that's all. From the very few Vulcans that I've met... I didn't think they really... _did_ emotion very well... Or at all, for that matter".

Spock licked his dry lips, "... They don't".

All three Terrans looked somewhat relieved when he spoke, and Jim gave him a small smile before continuing, "Exactly. That's what surprised us... Earlier on, in the bar, you were laughing and talking and... and, no offense, not really Vulcan like".

* * *

The words didn't sting like he expected them to.

* * *

Perhaps it was because Jim had said them.

* * *

"And so, when you showed us what you looked like, and told us that you were the last species we expected you to be, although looking back on it now we probably should have realised what with the amount of times you used the word 'logical', we just... overreacted a little".

"A little?" He asked quietly, and Jim huffed out a laugh, "Yea, well, we're only human. Prone to emotional outbursts, and all that... But we don't like you any more or any less, now that we know what species you are. You understand that, right? It makes no difference to any of us, I promise".

Spock slowly nodded, and the Terran relaxed a little.

If they truly did not care, then...

"Half" He said suddenly, and Jim frowned, "What?"

"I'm half Vulcan" He explained, "Half Vulcan and... and half human".

All three pairs of eyes widened in shock, more so than surprise.

Thankfully, however, all three Terrans also realised that it was not a subject he wished to discuss or further develop.

"Half Vulcan, half human" Jim said for confirmation, and Spock nodded.

He smiled, "Half Vulcan, and half human... Alright then... Now, I don't know about you, but I, for one, am _famished_. Anyone else up for a little late-night meal?"

Both Uhura and Bones readily agreed, and all four made their way down through the ship's corridors.

And if Spock unconsciously stood that little bit closer to Jim, and if Jim fully consciously stood that little bit closer to Spock?

Well.

Nobody mentioned it.


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"A Vulcan, eh? Now that's a species I've never met before!" Scotty said cheerily, sitting down across from Spock, "Where d'you even find him, Jim?"

Kirk smirked, "At that delightful Terran bar you refused to join us in".

"And be plastered for take-off tomorrow morning?" He asked, "No thanks. I actually care about this ship, you know".

Jim laughed, and continued dishing out plates from the replicator in the canteen.

"You gotta take his suggestions with a pinch of salt, there, laddie" Scotty continued, turning back to Spock, "If it weren't for me, this ship would've been a pile of wreck weeks ago!"

The Vulcan smiled at him, so far liking the eccentric Scotsman's easy going personality. From what he'd heard the man say, and how the others acted around him, he seemed just as friendly as the rest of the ragtag group.

And he cared about his ship.

A lot.

"Why, there was this one time, where I _swear_ we came within a _centimetre_ of an asteroid" He continued, "Jim said to keep going faster, I said no, and you know what? My engine controlling saved our lives!"

"Oh, don't be so melodramatic!" Bones snapped, collapsing down next to him with a plate of steak and potatoes, "We would've hit the asteroid, sure, but it would have barely dented the ship".

"Ah, now, I don't know about that-" He began, but was once again cut off by Sulu, "Scotty, it would have barely scratched us".

"Exactly! And I'm not _that_ bad a navigator!" Jim chimed in, walking over, a plate in each hand.

"He iz a great navigator!" Chekov announced.

"Thank you Pavel".

"For a beginner".

Bones snorted into his drink and Uhura rolled her eyes at the man's antics. Jim pouted, an expression that looked rather fascinating to Spock, and sat down next to him, sliding a plate over to the Vulcan.

He blinked in surprise and looked down at the meat and vegetables in front of him. Frowning, he turned to face Kirk, and the man smiled, albeit rather unsurely, back at him.

"I wasn't sure what Vulcans eat, so I kind of got you a piece of everything... Is it okay?"

Spock stared at him, then back down at the food, "It's... perfect, thank you".

Jim grinned, "Good! Well, come on then, eat up before Chekov finds the vodka, and we all run for cover".

The Russian quickly snapped something back in retaliation, but Spock didn't pay attention to their bickering, too busy staring down at his plate in shock.

* * *

Food.

They gave him food.

 _Jim_ gave him _food_.

* * *

He couldn't remember the last time he ate...

* * *

Swallowing nervously, Spock carefully glanced around the table.

Everyone was eating their own meals happily, _calmly_ , and no one was making a fuss over him being given a plate. And Jim, who was clearly their leader, had _told_ him to eat up. So maybe... maybe it was okay? His fiancé never gave him meals like this, and his father only ever gave him enough to not die of starvation. But Jim...

Spock liked Jim.

He didn't think that the human would purposely hurt him...

And it was like he said, Jim _had_ told him to eat.

Cautiously looking around once more, Spock silently picked up the fork and stabbed a piece of meat. Vulcans were vegetarians by default, but he wasn't going to risk not getting any food later and starving, so he would gladly eat this meat now, even if it _was_ disgusting.

Continuing to keep a close eye on the others surrounding him, he took a bite and paused.

It was good.

It was _so good_.

He didn't even taste it, just chewed and swallowed, his stomach happily accepting the strange new foreign food _because it was_ _ **food**_.

And once no one said anything, or even better, no one took it away from him, he couldn't help but dig in, politeness be damned.

* * *

Bones watched Spock eat with a frown on his face.

For the past fifteen minutes he'd been eating, the Vulcan had yet to pause for breath. He ate quickly, _urgently_ , almost as if he expected the plate to be taken away from him.

Based on the man's reaction to being grabbed, however, Bones began to wonder if that was _exactly_ what he was expecting.

Spock ate like a starving man, and once the majority of the others had left for bed, his eating only sped up.

_When was the last time he'd eaten anything?_

The pale Vulcan was quite skinny, Bones realised, trying to picture him without the coat. If he was this scrawny with it on, however...

* * *

Glancing up, he caught Jim's eye and silently nodded towards the food replicator. The man nodded, an equally worried look on his face, and they both stood up under the pretence of putting away their plates.

Keying in the code, Bones kept his voice low, "He's eating like he's hasn't had food in a month".

"... Is that possible?" Jim replied, "I mean, it sounds like he left Vulcan in a rush. Food wouldn't have been top of his list, and I doubt he brought much money with him".

"How long has he been on the run for?"

Kirk shrugged, "Who knows? A while, anyway, based on how rough he's looking".

Bones glanced past him over at the Vulcan in question, who was staring at his empty plate sadly, looking like he was considering whether or not to lick it.

"He's too skinny to be healthy" McCoy said, "... I want to give him a medical".

"Not now".

Bones turned back to him surprised.

"He's still... adjusting to us" Jim explained, "You saw how he was earlier on... He needs to learn to trust us. And not have his privacy invaded on his first night here".

"It's a medical. Not a full body physical".

"Then... you can weigh him" Kirk compromised, "Give him those disgusting nutrient tablets you're so fond of. But nothing else. Not yet".

" _Fine_ " He ground out, "But you're getting that damn coat off him!"

* * *

Walking back to the silent Vulcan, Jim smiled, "Hey".

Spock glanced up at him and smiled back, a breath-taking sight to the human, "Hello".

"Can I take your coat?"

He frowned and looked down at himself.

"... Take it?"

"Well not take it as in steal it, of course, I mean as in... you know... Take it as in hang it up for you? That type of take it?" He stumbled, and from behind him, Bones rolled his eyes.

"Hang it up?" Spock repeated once more, confused, "You wish me to hang up my coat? Where?"

"It the coat room".

 _Obviously_.

"Then lead the way".

"What? No!" Jim exclaimed, "I mean... I mean, uh, I'll take it. I'll hang it up for you".

Spock's frown deepened.

Why was he acting so... _strange_... all of a sudden?

He clearly wanted him to stay here, but why?

... Was it a trick?

"I can hang up my own coat, if you just show me where. It's not a problem" He finally replied, standing up.

Jim sighed, "Spock, seriously, I'll do it, it's fine".

"I am perfectly capable of-"

"I know you are. I know" He interrupted, "You just... don't know where the coat room is yet, and it's too late to give you a tour now. I can show you it in the morning, okay? And you can hang up your own coat from then on out, alright?"

Well.

He couldn't exactly say no to that.

Watching the men suspiciously, he reached up and unbuttoned his jacket, removing it carefully.

* * *

The thin white shirt underneath hid nothing.

* * *

Bones swore and Jim took his coat numbly.

Spock frowned at them, "... Is there a problem?"

"Damn right there's a problem!" Bones snapped, "You're skinny. Too skinny".

* * *

_"You're not skinny enough to be a Vulcan. You can't see any of your bones, you're not angular enough, sharp enough, skinny enough-"_

* * *

"Spock!"

The Vulcan jumped and turned back to them, only to find Bones standing in front of him with no sign of Jim.

 _Probably gone to hang up my coat_ , he thought sardonically.

Bones glared at him, "When was the last time you ate?"

Silence.

A sigh.

"Spock, if you have to think about it, it's been too long".

"... Vulcan anatomy is vastly different to-"

"Bullshit".

He blinked in surprise, and Bones sighed once more, "... I can make out your ribs, Spock. That's not healthy in any species".

He stiffened, fighting back the urge to cover himself.

If the man could count his bones through the light shirt at this distance, then chances were he could make out his bandages too.

And _that_ was a conversation the Vulcan did _not_ want to have.

"Do you know what anorexia means, Spock?"

He blinked.

"... Anorexia. Noun. An emotional disorder characterised by an obsessive desire to lose weight by refusing to eat".

"I didn't ask for the definition, you hobglobin, I asked if you know what it _means_ ".

He didn't answer.

Bones stared at him for another minute before speaking, "... Alright then. Come on, I'll give you a nutrient tablet in the med bay. But expect a very long and very _detailed_ eating plan on your desk by tomorrow morning. And believe me, I'll know if you stray from it".

Spock couldn't help but smile.

The grumpy doctor was coming very very _very_ close to sounding like he actually cared.


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

If there was one good thing that Spock's father ever taught him, it was that no matter what the situation, never let emotions overpower your intelligence.

And right now, as the Vulcan felt the icy cold chills of fear rack up and down his spine, he tried his hardest to see the logical side of the situation.

The situation being, of course, that Bone was a doctor.

And he knew what bandages were.

And Spock was currently wearing bandages.

And Bones didn't know that yet.

* * *

Silently taking a deep breath to calm himself, he gracefully sat in the chair the doctor kicked towards him. Walking over to the opposite side of the desk, Bones sat down and typed something into the computer.

He frowned, "Well that's just... I should have expected this".

Spock glanced over at him curiously, ignoring the urge to cover himself once more as the man's piercing gaze met his.

"Did you know that there has only ever been a handful of Vulcans in Starfleet?"

He slowly nodded.

Bones sighed, "I'm trying to access their medical records, but... How old did you say you were again?"

Spock swallowed thickly.

He didn't like lying.

"21 years old".

"Right. Still quite young in Vulcan years, yes?"

"Yes sir".

"Okay. Let's see what we can do then..." He turned back to the computer screen and Spock couldn't help but nervously wring his hands together on his lap.

He shivered.

It was cold, _very_ cold.

Spock wanted his coat back.

* * *

"Okay, done" Bones finally announced, hitting one last button on his computer.

Turning to face the Vulcan, he gestured for the man to stand up, and he reluctantly did so.

"Over here" McCoy said, leading the way to the patient's side of the Medical Bay, and over to an odd-looking machine.

The younger man eyed the contraption mistrustfully and Bones rolled his eyes at him, "It's not going to bite you, Spock. It's a body mass calculator. I just programmed in average Vulcan measurements, and now all you gotta do, is stand on it. Okay?"

"... Okay" He said quietly, slowly stepping onto the machine.

One flick of a switch later, and it whirred to life.

Taking a seat next to him, Bones glanced over at Spock questionably, "... Can I ask you something?"

He swallowed thickly, half worried at what the doctor was going to say, and half surprised that he was actually getting a _choice_ to turn him down.

"... You can".

"Why did you _really_ leave Vulcan?"

Spock froze.

Bones sighed, "Alright. Let's start with something a little bit easier, shall we? How long have you been on the streets for?"

"... A while" He finally replied, gaze firmly locked on the flashing lights in front of him.

He couldn't tell him why.

He _couldn't_.

He'd send him back to- to- to his father and- and to _him_ and- and-

"A few weeks? A few months? A _year?_ "

He paused, "... The former".

"A few weeks?" Bones clarified, and he nodded, "I left Vulcan...11.4 weeks ago".

"Three months?" McCoy asked, reluctantly impressed, "With no food? No money? Nothing?"

"Nothing" He confirmed, "I... bartered for passage on... on various supply vessels".

"Cargo ships" He summarised, "What did you trade them with?"

His blood run cold.

Which was, of course, impossible, he knew.

But he could _feel_ the ice the fear the hatred the pity the disgust-

Bones face softened.

He hadn't told him, hadn't answered his question, hadn't said _anything-_

But this human was intelligent, Spock realised, and had probably already figured the answer out by himself.

He couldn't answer, he knew he couldn't, he just _couldn't-_

* * *

It was a horrifying topic.

* * *

"I left Vulcan for reasons I've already explained".

* * *

And thankfully, the doctor knew he had to drop it.

* * *

"Because you disagreed with their culture" Bones said instead, and Spock slowly nodded, "Yes. There were many... traditions... that I did not find appealing".

"Such as?" came the quick response, and the Vulcan couldn't help but smile.

Oh yes, this Terran was intelligent alright.

"On Vulcan... Amongst Vulcan people... there is a long withstanding tradition of-"

He paused.

"Yes?"

He focused once more on the flashing lights.

"Of arranged marriages".

Bones stiffened.

"Your species disregarded the concept many centuries ago, but on Vulcan... it is as normal as breathing. Marrying for anything other than logic is greatly frowned upon. It is an... answer, as such, for the Vulcan species. The joining of two similar families, to expand their wealth, power, affluence... And for Vulcan's, love doesn't come into it. _Emotions_ don't come into it. It is a simple ceremony of two families becoming one... Marrying for any other reason is illogical".

"You didn't want to be forced to marry someone you didn't love" Bones said quietly, looking far gentler than Spock had ever seen before, "You _have_ emotions. Feelings... You can feel love and didn't want to marry someone you didn't feel it for".

"It is a weakness, I know, to be overcome with such emotions".

"Spock... you know, for such a logical creature, you really are an idiot sometimes".

He blinked in surprise and turned to face the doctor.

" _Love_ isn't a weakness. _Feelings_ and _emotions_ aren't weaknesses... It's what makes us human" McCoy said strongly, "And yea, I know, you're only _half_ human, but... dammit, Spock, it's the emotionless ones you watch out for in our species... It's okay to _feel_ , you hear me? Emotions are _normal_ , they're _constantly_ happening, and they are _most definitely not a weakness_ , do you understand me?!"

He slowly nodded, completely thrown by the angry outburst.

Bones sighed, frustrated, and went to say more only to be cut off by a loud beep.

Spock turned back to the machine.

The lights had stopped flashing.

* * *

"... Alright" Bones finally said, "Come on, you can step off it now".

The Vulcan quickly did as told, and the doctor typed a few more things into the machine before it began to print out a sheet of figures.

"... Was your future wife the reason you left?"

The voice was so quiet, Spock almost didn't catch it.

"... Husband" He replied, "My future husband was..."

He trailed off, and Bones glanced back at him, "Yes?"

He paused, choosing his words carefully, "... We did not get along".

McCoy's eyes darkened dangerously, and Spock wondered if had told him more than he'd intended to with such a simple answer.

"And if you return to him?"

He flinched.

That was the only answer Bones needed.


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"He's _engaged?!_ " Kirk exclaimed, and Bones glared at him, glancing around "Keep your voice down!"

"He's engaged?!" He repeated, not-at-all quieter, "As in, due to be married? He's got a woman waiting for him back home?!"

"Man".

"What?"

"His fiancé is a _man_ " Bones explained, "And yes, he was due to be married. Not that any of it was his choice, though".

"... An arranged marriage?"

"Looks like it" He replied, "And from what I could weasel out of him, he wasn't exactly happy about it either. Apparently, it's a tradition on Vulcan".

"It was a tradition on Earth too, three hundred years ago!" Kirk snapped, "It's outdated, revolting, barbaric, disgusting-"

"Yea, yea, I get the idea, you hate arranged marriages, fine! The problem is, so does Spock!"

"... You think that's why he left?"

Bones sighed and glanced over at the others on the bridge, trying to make sure that they weren't able to hear him.

"Honestly, Jim? I think his fiancé a right bastard".

He frowned, "Spock told you this?"

"Not in so many words, no. But the way he acted last night... He answered everything I asked of him. Not because he wanted to... but because he was terrified _not_ to. Almost like he'd get in trouble if he didn't tell me".

Kirk swallowed nervously, easily seeing where this was going.

"Said he'd been on the run for three months now. Went from cargo ship to supply vessel to cargo ship... He didn't say what he bartered them with" Bones continued, eyes darkening, "But I've got a pretty damn good idea".

"You think they-? That he-? That he used his..." Kirk trailed off, unable, _unwilling_ , to continue.

"... He's a looker, Jim. You've got to give the kid that" the Doctor replied quietly, "You know yourself the effect he has on people... Chances are, those ship captains knew too".

"... They had no right to take advantage".

"And you think his future husband did?" Bones snapped, and Kirk's head snapped up, "What?! _No!_ I didn't even- I didn't think that- I never-"

"I know, I know, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have..." McCoy trailed off, "... I don't think that kid had a great family, Jim".

"You think they... _hurt_ him?"

Bones slowly nodded, "In some ways, yea. Growing up half human, half Vulcan... That couldn't have been easy. I wouldn't be surprised if the oh-so- _logical_ Vulcans thought him different. Weird. A freak... Though whether they lashed out mentally or physically, I'm still trying to work out".

Jim swore quietly and shook his head, "I knew... I mean, I _guessed_ that... that _something_ was wrong. That something was just... _off_ about him. But I never thought that..."

"Neither did I until last night" He replied honestly, "But whatever it is... We'll figure it out, some way or another".

* * *

Kirk looked up as Spock stepped onto the bridge. Spinning around in his chair to face the Vulcan, he grinned, "Well good morning there, sleeping beauty! I trust you had a pleasant night?"

A faint blush graced the man's cheeks, and Jim couldn't help but find it absolutely adorable.

"I'll take that as a yes then!" He continued, "Bones promised me he didn't keep you up too long".

"He did not" Spock agreed, nodding, "I found the bed pleasantly comfortable".

"Good! That's officially your room then! Unless there were any problems...?"

He quickly shook his head, and Kirk smiled, "Perfect... Well, we'll be taking off soon. Probably this afternoon... Sulu?"

"In another... three hours or so, I'd say" Hikaru replied, "Whenever Scotty decides his _precious baby_ is up to it".

At Spock's confused look, Jim smirked, "The ship. Scotty treats her like his child".

"Her?"

And _there_ was the unimpressed-single-raised-eyebrow look Jim found so endearing!

"Yea. Her. I may not want to personify starships, but you can't tell me that this is a _he_ ".

Spock gave him an odd look, "... I was unaware that Terran's required their ships to have binary genders".

From behind him, Nyota snorted, "They don't. But for some reason, _certain_ men have this fetish-"

"It is not a _fetish!_ " Jim snapped, "It's a... a... It's-"

* * *

"Unnecessary and not worth arguing over".

* * *

All three turned to find Bones walking in, immediately marching towards the Vulcan and thrusting out a glass full of cloudy liquid.

"Drink".

He took the drink but stared at it distrustfully.

The doctor rolled his eyes, "It's a nutrient tablet dissolved in water, Spock. It doesn't taste as bad this way".

Kirk grinned at him, "Why Bones, is that... is that _care_ I see in your eyes? Did you just purposely _go out of your way_ to make it _taste_ better?"

"Jim?"

"Yes marshmallow?"

"Your physical is about to come up _real_ soon".

"... Understood".

Spock eyed the glass for another minute, before pushing back his fears and downing it in one go.

He frowned.

Huh.

Dr McCoy was right.

It _didn't_ taste as disgusting like this.

"Good" Bones nodded, satisfied, "Come to me this evening for another one".

Jim sighed as the doctor walked off, "You know... I think he likes _you_ more than he likes _me_ ".

"I do!" He called over his shoulder, and Spock couldn't help but smile at their bickering, gaining an unnoticed fond look from Kirk in the process.

"Hey, Spock?"

"Yes Jim?" He replied, turning back to him.

"We've, huh... we've got a few hours before take-off... Would you like to play space chess with me?"

"Space chess?" He asked, clearly confused, and Jim blinked at him, "Wait... Seriously? You don't know what space chess is? One of the most logical men in the universe doesn't know what _space chess_ is?!"

"... I do not".

"That's it" Kirk announced, leaping to his feet, "I'm teaching you space chess".

* * *

"... _How?!_ "

They all stared at the chess platforms in shock.

"... I don't actually know" Uhura finally replied.

Spock frowned, not liking the surprised and awed looks they were giving him, "Jim? Did I... Did I do something wrong?"

"Wrong?" He asked in disbelief, " _Wrong?!_ Spock, you just... you _won!_ "

"... Is that bad?"

"What?! No! _NO!_ But this is the _first game_ you've ever played and you _slaughtered_ me in it and... and that's... That's just..."

"Crazy" Nyota said.

"Unbelievable" Scotty replied.

"Insane" Sulu agreed.

"Impossible" Bones continued.

"I wanna play!"

Everyone turned to face Chekov.

Jim blinked, "That's... That's actually not a bad idea".

"Really?!" He exclaimed excitedly, "You mean it?! I can play him?!"

Spock frowned, "You want to... play against _me?_ "

"Who else?" He asked, grinning, "You are a worthy opponent!"

"I... I don't understand".

Jim sighed, "Chekov is... a genius".

"I'm zee super mega awesome genius!"

"Yea, yea, you're a genius, whatever" He dismissed, before turning back to Spock, "The point is, we banned him from playing chess _months_ ago, because we could never win. He was able to beat us within seconds, so it was rather pointless playing with him".

"And zat was zee end of my chess career" Chekov said sadly, "But now I have you!"

Spock swallowed nervously.

He couldn't understand what the big deal was.

It was a very logical game after all, how _could_ they have problems winning it?

Bones rolled his eyes at the Russian, "Oh keep your hair on Pavel! He only won because of that damn logical brain of his!"

* * *

Spock flinched back.

* * *

Bones immediately swore.

* * *

"Oh for the love of- That wasn't- I didn't mean it as-"

"Au tun-tor na' du" Nyota said quickly, and Spock turned to her, "Tun... tor?"

_**He cares for you.** _

_**He... cares?** _

"T' rivak au tor!" She scolded, "Au aishan... Yel wuh shaik yut t' sjekea ish-veh. Bones palutunau tor nsot wuh sutra au ashau. Ish-veh's ish-veh yut t' yiesa ashaya".

_**Of course he does! He just... has an odd way of showing it. Bones tends to tease the people he loves. It's his way of giving you attention.** _

Spock couldn't help but frown.

He... _teases_ the people he cares for?

_He cares for_ _**me** _ _?_

He turned back to Bones and couldn't help but give him an odd look.

The doctor immediately rounded on Uhura, "What the bloody _hell_ did you just tell him about me, you damn woman?!"

She merely grinned in response, and Kirk couldn't help but laugh at the doctors red face and glaring eyes.

"Oh come on, Bones, it couldn't have been _that_ bad. Who knows, maybe she just told him about that time we were on Starbase 9 and that dress-"

"ENOUGH!" He snapped, and Sulu burst out laughing, "Hey, I remember that! That was with the octopus that-"

"We are NEVER bringing that up again; do you hear me?!" Bones growled, "Or so help me, I will end _every single one of you!_ "

"There, there, lad" Scotty consoled, patting his shoulder, "She was a mighty fine lass alright-"

"STOP!" McCoy snapped, and this time, they all laughed, Spock feeling a strange warm fuzzy sense of... _belonging_.

He felt himself relax, and couldn't help but smile along with them, despite not knowing what they were all grinning at.

It directed all attention from him, after all.

"Okay, okay, it waz funny, now let me play!" Chekov urged, hurrying Jim out of his chair so he could sit opposite Spock.

"Are you ready to lose?" He asked, smirking cheekily at him.

Spock raised a solidary eyebrow at him, "I highly doubt the possibility of that".

Kirk grinned broadly at them, "Oh yea, _this_ is going to be good".


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

"Just _give up_ already!" Jim whined, draped across the armrest of Spock's chair, making the Vulcan hyper aware of the vanilla and raspberry shampoo the Terran used, and how his breath felt against his neck every time the man spoke.

Not that he minded, of course.

Chekov glared at Kirk, "Нет! Just because you cannot beat me doesn't mean zis man cannot!"

"But you've been playing for _hours!_ " He complained, slumming against the now-tense Vulcan, arms flailing about and narrowly missing the chess platforms, "I'm so bored! I wanna do something exciting!"

"Zis _is_ exciting!" Chekov snapped, "Now leave us! I will not lose to zis Vulcan!"

Spock felt the corner of his mouth twitch.

* * *

For the past two and a half hours, he had been playing chess against the Russian genius, and so far, neither of them had won or lost.

The others had quickly given up watching, as it took a good fifteen minutes before either of them would make a move, and only Jim had stayed behind.

And immediately declared Spock's armrest as his new seat.

* * *

He didn't feel the need to protest.

* * *

" _This?! Exciting?!_ " Jim shot back, "This is boringgg! All you two do is stare at other, think for a while, and then move a pawn or something! Neither of you are even _close_ to winning yet!"

"Ah, but I am not close to losing, either!" Pavel said triumphally.

His face immediately fell as Spock moved his rook.

"Check".

The Russian stared at him, and then at the board.

Silence.

He moved his knight.

"Uncheck".

Spock turned his bishop.

"Check".

Pavel pushed his queen.

"Check _you_ ".

The Vulcan lifted his king.

"Uncheck".

The Terran placed his pawn.

"Check".

Jim groaned and threw his hands in the air once more, "Oh my Starship, will you two _just_ _call it a draw already?!_ "

Spock glanced over at Chekov and raised an eyebrow. The kid sighed, before glancing down at the various platforms once more.

"Come on, it's lunch time" Jim continued, "You two just call this a draw, and have some food. You can always replay each other tomorrow!"

"Maybe..." Pavel slowly said, and Spock nodded, "That is a possibility, yes".

"Good! Great! Come on then, lunch time" Kirk said happily, standing up, and _no, Spock most definitely did not immediately miss the heat radiating off of the human, thank you very much._

Reluctantly, the two younger men followed him.

They were almost out the door before Chekov spoke.

"But I was so totally winning!"

Jim groaned.

* * *

"Alright kiddies, what you having?"

Jim's excited announcement was met with raised eyebrows and exasperated looks.

"You do realise that literally all of us, asides from Spock and Chekov, are older than you, right?" Nyota asked dryly, and he sighed dramatically, "You know, you could have just answered me".

" _Sit_ " Bones replied, glaring him into submission as he replaced the man by the food replicator, "The usual?"

"Yes please" Uhura replied, and Jim shot her an affronted look, "Oh, so, you'll answer him, but not me?"

"Yes" She said simply, and next to her, Sulu snorted into his drink.

He pouted, a rather fascinating look, according to Spock, and collapsed into his usual seat, "Fine then. See if I go out of my way to buy you jewellery".

"You wouldn't have done that anyway" She replied mildly, smiling in thanks as Bones handed her a plate.

Spock was drawn away from their bickering by a gentle hand on his shoulder, and he turned to find the doctor looking up at him.

"Come on" He said gruffly, nodding towards the food replicator, "I'll show you how to use it".

He slowly followed the man over to the odd-looking contraception, and listened attentively to his explanation of its use, before typing in his own meal for the first time.

He couldn't help but smile when the same plate as last night appeared in front of him, this time sporting a lighter meal on top.

"Good" Bones said, taking it out and handing it to him, along with a small tablet, "Take the nutrient booster with it. I'm only giving you a small amount of food to allow your stomach to adjust slowly, I don't even know how you didn't manage to throw up last night, so take your time eating and chew it properly. Understood?"

He quickly nodded, and Bones gave a faint hint of a smile, "Fine. Now go on, sit down next to that idiot of ours and eat up".

Spock couldn't help but smirk at Jim's immediate protests, and at the doctors unflappable yet vicious reply. Making his way over to same seat as yesterday, he sat down between Kirk and Uhura, Scotty grinning in his seat across from him, Sulu and Chekov on his left, Bones taking up the space to his left, directly across from Jim.

Jim who was currently frowning at Spock's plate.

The Vulcan swallowed thickly, and Bones, having picked up on his sudden nervousness, kicked Jim underneath the table.

The Terran immediately spun around to give him a dirty look, but the doctor gave him one that clearly said 'I will end you if you so much as whisper something', and so, he remained silent.

Bones nodded towards Spock and his plate, "Eat up, we'll be taking-off after this, and we need all hands on deck".

He nodded, and slowly began eating, taking time to chew it properly, just like the doctor had told him to.

Based on the approving look the man was giving him, Spock decided that he _must_ be doing something right.

* * *

Lunch was over all-too-soon for Spock, and before he knew it, his plate was empty, his stomach comfortably full, and the others were all standing up.

As he followed them towards the door, a hand on his arm stopped him, and he jumped, spinning around to face a still-frowning Jim.

"Sorry" He said, immediately dropping his hand, "I didn't mean to frighten you... Are you okay?"

Spock was immediately on guard.

He was wearing his coat to try and combat the ship's coldness, so Jim couldn't have seen his bandages. Maybe he was limping? No. That couldn't be it. If anyone would notice that, it would be the doctor. Perhaps it was the food? He had given the Vulcan odd looks while he was eating. Maybe he didn't want him to eat. He had expected this, after all. It was only a matter of time before they took away his bed too and-

"Spock!"

He spun around to face the human, whose frown had turned from disapproving to worried in a matter of seconds.

"... Yes Jim?"

"Are you okay?"

 _No_.

"Of course".

Kirk gave him an unbelieving look, and Spock double checked that his expression was neutral.

It was.

So why was this Terran somehow seeing through that?

"You didn't eat much" Jim continued, "I know Bones showed you how to use the replicator, and you can eat as much as you want here, no one minds, so... Why didn't you?"

This time, it was Spock's turn to frown.

"You are... _concerned_... about my eating habits?"

"Of course I am!" He scolded, "You didn't eat half of what you ate last night, and I just... You can eat whatever you want here, you know that right?"

"Yes".

"Then why didn't you?"

"I... Dr McCoy... he told me what to eat. Based on... his observations".

"You got an eating plan?" Jim summarised, and he nodded.

The Terran sighed in relief, "Okay. That's fine, good, even. Well, obviously not _good_ , per say, but it's... better than what I thought was happening... Okay. Right. Fine. That makes more sense..."

"Do you want me to... _not_ follow it?"

"What?! _No!_ Of course you have to follow it!" He quickly backtracked, "If Bones made it, then he has a good reason. I was just... worried. That's all".

Spock felt an odd little bright light in his chest, "... Worried".

"Yea, worried" Jim replied easily, smiling softly at him, "You're one of us now, kid. Whether you want to be or not... And we look for each other".

Spock couldn't help but smile back.

"Now come on!" Jim said, placing a warm hand on the Vulcan's shoulder, "It's take-off time!"


	9. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately, **I won't be able to update next week** , due to exams, but hopefully I can make it up to you guys!
> 
> Rachel :/

**Chapter 8**

"-and that's how we run the ship" Jim finished, as the pair made their way to the bridge.

Spock slowly nodded, taking in the new information he was just presented with.

Jim was in charge, the commanding officer.

Bones was the chief medical officer.

Nyota was the communications officer.

Sulu was the helmsman.

Chekov was the navigator.

And Scotty was chief engineer.

* * *

... So where did that leave him?

* * *

"... Jim?" He began cautiously, "Can I... ask you something?"

"Of course, Spock, you can always ask me anything" He replied warmly, and the Vulcan nervously chewed on his bottom lip.

"I'm... You said... Earlier on..."

Damn his human side.

"That you're one of us?"

And bless this human.

Spock quickly nodded, cheeks tinted green, "I... I was just wondering... Did you mean that?"

"Of course I did!" He exclaimed, coming to an abrupt stop, "I would never lie about family".

He felt his heart melt a little.

"And... if I'm... one of you, as you say... does that mean I'm staying here? On this Starship with you?"

"For as long as you want to, yea" He replied, "Spock... What are you trying to say?"

He gave a silent sigh, "I don't... I don't want to be a burden or a responsibility or-"

"Woah, woah, woah, back up!"

He abruptly shut his mouth.

"That's what you're worried about?"

Spock frowned.

Why was the Terran smiling?

Jim stared at him, half-awed half-amused, "Spock... You're not a burden on us. You'll _never_ be a burden on us. We're not... We don't... I mean, we have roles on this ship, yea, but it's not a power-play thing. We just do the jobs we enjoy doing. We're all equal here, you hear me? So don't think for one moment that you're dragging us down".

"But I-"

He stopped.

Jim stepped closer and peered up at him, "Yes?"

He took a deep breath, "I wish to help. I want to... pull my weight, I believe the human phrase is. I don't want to..."

"Would it make you feel better if I gave you a job, then?"

He nodded quickly, and Jim sighed, "Alright then... Well, let's see. We've got command, medicine, control, engineering, and communications... What about... Science?"

"Science?" Spock asked, confused.

Jim grinned, "Yea, science! You're a logical guy, pretty much a genius, we've got a state of the art lab that no one uses, and we don't have a science department yet... So, what do you say, you want to be our first science officer?"

And for the first time in months, Spock gave a proper genuine smile.

"I'd love to".

* * *

"Introducing, insert drum roll please, our newest and only SCIENCE OFFICER!" Jim announced, throwing open the doors to the bridge, Spock silently following, and blushing, behind him.

Bones rolled his eyes at the man's antics, "Great. Now I've someone to keep me company. Are you ready for take-off or what?"

"Aw, Leonard, did you guys wait specifically for me? I'm honoured!"

"No, idiot, we just wanted to make sure no one had anything else they need to get before leaving".

"Oh... Well, I'm good. Spock?"

He shook his head.

"Good! Great! Now come on, there's an entire section of controls I haven't touched yet due to the lack of science officers".

Spock quickly followed the Terran towards the odd looking machinery to the side of the commanding officers chair.

Jim stopped in front of it, "I'm not quite sure what any of this does... but I'm sure you'll figure it out. You can always ask the computer if you get stuck".

He slowly nodded, "Thank you..."

* * *

He paused.

Spock was on duty now.

He couldn't call him 'Jim', it was too unprofessional.

But 'Commanding Officer' was too formal and complicated.

So what about...

* * *

"Thank you... Captain?"

Silence.

Spock slowly turned and looked up only to find everyone staring at him, frozen in place.

He felt the icy cool hands of panic grip his heart.

_Did I do something wrong?!_

"Captain" Jim said slowly, as if testing the taste it left on his tongue, "Captain Kirk. Not Jim Kirk... _Captain_ Kirk".

That seemed to snap the others out of it.

Bones groaned, "Oh no, please don't start. Don't put us through that! I beg of you, Jim, don't".

Spock frowned.

Dr McCoy's words suggested anger, but his expression was one that the Vulcan had come to realise was humour.

He sounded annoyed... but looked amused?

He slowly turned his gaze to Nyota, as he found himself doing more and more often, and she smiled, " _ **Nsot**_ "

Teasing.

Ah.

That explained it.

The never-ending capacity humans had for ridiculing their own species as a source of entertainment, would never cease to amaze him.

* * *

Bones glared at the pair, "And you two! With your own little language that you fail to teach us and the whispers you share whenever the rest of us say anything! You can stop that atrocity too!"

" _Captain_ Jim Kirk".

Bones groaned into his hands, pointing an accusing finger at Spock, "See what you've done?! You started this, you damn hobgoblin!"

"Captain James Kirk" Jim continued, "Captain James T. Kirk".

He turned shot a flirtatious wink at Spock, "The names Kirk. Captain James T. Kirk. The T stands for trouble".

"No it doesn't Tiberius, now shut up!" Bones snapped, "Sulu, where are we with the take-off?"

Hikaru smirked, "All set, Doctor. Just waiting for the _Captain_ over here to give the word".

Bones groaned, "Oh for the love of... What more of an invitation do you need?! Just go already, before I chuck him off the ship!"

"Bones!" Jim scolded, marching over to his chair, "You will not speak of your captain that way!"

"I swear on earth, Kirk, if you don't shup up right now I'll-"

"Sulu! Why are we not taking off?"

All eyes turned to the frowning Asian.

"I'm not really sure..."

"... What do you mean, you're not sure?" Jim asked, "You're never not sure. You're always sure. What's wrong?"

"I... don't quite know".

Bones sighed, "Well, is the parking brake on?"

He smirked, "No, McCoy".

"Have you disengaged the external inertial damper?"

* * *

They all turned to face Spock.

* * *

Jim blinked, "... What?"

Sulu slowly turned back to his controls and hit a few buttons.

The ship immediately came to life.

* * *

Silence.

* * *

Kirk laughed, "Science officer, Spock? No. You're second in command, now".


	10. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I won't be able to update next week because I'm going on holidays (*Insert yay! Here*) but I will be back by the 17th June 2017, and will hopefully be able to update once more then!
> 
>  _BUT!_ In order to make up for that, I will now, finally, give you an extra-long **SPOCK!WHUMP / FLUFFY!SPOCK &KIRK SCENE!**
> 
> Rachel :)
> 
> * * *

**Chapter 9**

Spock couldn't help but smile as he glanced around his room.

Because that was just it.

It was _his_ room.

Spock had never owned something before.

He glanced down at the Starfleet-issued trousers and heeled boots, and the blue shirt on his bed.

They were all his, to wear, to wash, to iron, to _keep_.

And they actually fit him, too, which was quite a satisfying experience.

* * *

Turning back to the task at hand, he frowned at the angry green splotches marring his pale chest. One cracked rib, three bruised. None of which were healing at the rate he'd like them to, and all very easy to see due to malnourishment.

Sighing, he took into account his other injuries.

Multiple lashes criss-crossing his shoulders and back, thankfully almost healed but still twinging painfully with every sudden movement.

A roll of bandages wrapped tightly around his right shoulder to help heal the sprain, and even more gauze patching up the various flesh wounds across his chest, all of which were spotted with dark green blood.

And that damned knife wound below the knee was still bothering him.

Glancing back down at the meagre first aid box he'd managed to steal many weeks ago, he frowned at the next-to-nothing supplies remaining.

He could probably redo his back, as they were the most painful. But at the same time, the stab wounds on his chest held the highest risk of getting infected, and his shoulder was already inflamed from the extra work he'd been doing over the last few days.

And despite his current problem, the thought of the science labs brought a smile to his face.

He'd been onboard the Starship for just over a week now, and his every waking moment was filled with knowledge, experiments, and _logic_... Until Jim and/or Bones dragged him up for some food. But even that tedious task had become more enjoyable, especially since no one was taking the food off of him half way through.

So yea, despite the pains and aches he couldn't quite ignore, his life was currently the best he could ever remember it being. Even when his mother was still alive, he couldn't ever remember being this... this... this _happy_.

* * *

It was a foreign word to Spock, and even a more foreign feeling.

* * *

But back to his current problem, he frowned once more at the small red box.

He didn't have enough material to redress all his wounds, and by the end of the week, he'd have none at all.

So he had to be careful.

One wrong move and-

* * *

*WHOOSH*

* * *

"Hey Spock, I was thinking of-"

He froze.

Jim stared.

* * *

Silence.

* * *

"WHAT THE FUCK?!"

* * *

Bones sighed and rubbed his head against the oncoming headache as he heard the angry footsteps of his best friend coming down the hall.

He _really_ wasn't in the mood for another one of Jim's rants.

Who cared if Uhura had called him a diva again, it wouldn't be the last time it'd happen.

And so, resigning himself to a longgg whiskey-filled evening, he sat down at his desk and counted the seconds until Jim flung open the doors.

And 3... 2... 1... *BANG*

Bones sighed and glanced up.

* * *

His heart froze.

* * *

Because there stood an angry furious frothing-at-the-mouth Jim Kirk alright... But next to him, was Spock.

A shirtless shivering Spock, being held in place by Jim's firm yet gentle grip on his left shoulder.

His _uninjured_ shoulder, Bones corrected, staring in shock at the myriad of scars and bandages and blood that littered the Vulcan's chest. The area's that weren't white with gauze and tape, were stained green and yellow, and one particular section of bruises, littering his way-too-visible ribs were oddly enough in the shape of a... a boot.

Bones swallowed thickly and stood up.

"You need to fix him" Kirk started, " _Now_. The idiots gone and gotten himself hurt and-"

"Jim".

"-and he needs to be stitched and bandages and ethonoled and- and- and do we even _have_ ethanol? Did we ever restock after that bar fight Sulu got into? Oh Starship, Bones, what if don't have ethanol? Then what-"

" _Jim_ ".

"-do we do? We're miles away from any other planet, it'll be _days_ before we can restock. Can we use vodka? How much vodka does Chekov have? Too much? It's probably too much. But we need to- to- to stop the bleeding and bandage those cuts and find some way of-"

" _JIM!_ "

He abruptly stopped and sharply turned to him, "What?!"

Bones continued to stare at Spock, who met his gaze evenly through half-glazed eyes, and _that_ couldn't be good.

"Jim... the kid's been abused".

* * *

Spock couldn't help but smile at that.

Trustworthy Bones.

As blunt as ever.

It was a quality that the Vulcan liked.

* * *

He blinked as Jim's warm hand left his shoulder and there was more arguing and half-yelling and really, _why was this such a big deal?!_

Then another pair of arms, softer yet more calloused, _doctor's_ _hands_ , his brain supplied, were gently leading him over to a bed where he was told to sit so he sat and then there was even _more_ yelling and it was cold it was _so bloody cold_ _why was it so cold too cold too cold too COLD! Why couldn't they-_

And then suddenly, there was a shadow leaning over him.

* * *

" _You're a filthy halfbreed, you don't need heat like the rest of us, whore"._

_Spock curled up further into his protective little ball, shivering violently as the cold air and rough stone floor seemed into bare skin, trying to block out the pain that was sure to come from the dark man looming over him._

" _Good for nothing, that's what you are!" Satok hissed, delivering a sudden blow to his side, and Spock flinched, hearing a rib crack._

" _But what did I expect? Your mother was a good for nothing whore, so why shouldn't you be? Your father should have drowned you when he had the chance!"_

_A sharp stab of pain sliced through his shoulder._

" _Why I ever agreed to marry you is beyond me. You're worthless, hideous, stupid,_ _ **so fucking stupid**_ _Spock!"_

_Another flash of white heat, this time, across his lower leg._

" _Look at you, just lying there. Lying there and taking it,_ _ **enjoying**_ _it, like the fucked-up_ _ **freak**_ _that you are"._

_Multiple puncture wounds, somehow breaching his safe ball and hitting him in the chest._

" _You're worthless. WORTHLESS, do you hear me?! Who could ever love you? You're nothing but sex on legs, Spock. And that's all you'll be ever good for"._

_He shivered once more, a full body jerk that tore at his new injuries._

_And then he heard the buckle of a belt-_

* * *

-searing white hot pain flared across his cheek, and suddenly, Spock was staring up at a very pale and very worried looking Doctor McCoy.

The second Bones realised he was in the present once more, an oxygen mask was pressed firmly to his mouth and nose, and his head was shoved unceremoniously between his legs.

"Just _breathe_ , dammit! Breathe, you bloody hobgoblin, _breathe!_ "

 _Ah yes_ , Spock distantly recalled, _both humans_ _ **and**_ _Vulcans need oxygen to survive_.

He forced himself to take in a deep breath, and holy _fuck_ did that burn his lungs and make his eyes water.

"That's it, just _breathe_ , nice and slowly" came a shaky voice from above him, and he slowly tilted his head only to find Bones kneeling down next to him, skin paler than any other human Spock had ever seen.

"Spock? Spock can you hear me?

He frowned.

Of course he could hear him, Vulcan's had far superior hearing than humans.

He nodded.

"Okay, good. That's good... Let's get you back into bed, yea?"

The doctor let out a shuddering breath and with trembling hands, gently pulled Spock's shoulders until he was the right way up again and he was kneeling just below the older man's eye level.

Spock looked down in surprise.

Since when had he been sitting on the floor?

"Come on, up you get" Bones said again, slowly getting to his feet, careful not to make any sudden movements, hands remaining on Spock's shoulders to help him stand up.

The Vulcan did so on wobbly feet, and with a worryingly non-existent amount of protesting, the doctor was able to get him lying back down on the bed.

Spock blinked.

He was in the ship's infirmary, _what was he doing there?_

Jim was sitting on the bed opposite him, still in uniform but decidedly green-looking.

And not in the Vulcan way, either.

 _Perhaps he was sick?_ Spock mused, _I must have come here to visit him. Maybe tripped and hit my head. That would explain it._

* * *

"Spock?"

He turned back to face the doctor.

"Spock, I'm going to... I'm going to remove these bandages now, alright?"

Bandages?

What bandages?

He frowned and glanced down at himself.

Ah, right, yes, of course.

 _Those_ bandages.

He watched in mild fascination as the doctor carefully and ever-so-slowly peeled off the gauze strips one by one, revealing a few of the re-opened wounds beneath.

"Is it alright if I stitch these up?" Bones asked, and the Vulcan looked up at him, surprised.

"It might sting a little, but some of them have torn pretty bad, and there's a higher chance of infection if I just leave them".

Spock hummed in agreement.

The doctor had a nice voice when he wasn't grumbling or growling at you.

"Alright, Spock, I'm just going to inject you with a mild sedative, okay? It will put you under for a few hours, three, four, tops, but it'll allow me to stitch these wounds easier and quicker than if you were awake. It'll also kill the pain".

Pain?

Spock didn't feel any pain.

He nodded anyway, if just to keep the man happy, and stared at the small syringe as it was carefully injected into his arm.

It felt like he was forgetting something...

He eyes fluttered shut.

 _Oh well, nothing that can't wait until morning_ , he mused.


	11. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quick question, is there anything in particular that you guys would like to see?
> 
> I've completely the plan of where this fic is going to go, but it's fairly flexible, so if there's a certain scene or moment that you want to see between certain characters, or even just a line that you want someone to say, **tell me!**
> 
> Rachel :D
> 
> * * *

**Chapter 10**

Spock slowly woke up to the sound of yelling.

"-telling you to ask!"

"I can't ask, you idiot! Do you even know-"

"No, Bones, I don't! Because you won't ask-"

"Oh for the love of-"

"-just ask already!"

The Vulcan frowned, and blinked a few times to try and clear the fog that had descended upon his brain. _Where was he...?_

Slowly sitting up, the sheets fell to his waist, and he stared at the stitches across his chest in surprise. They were new.

A quick glance around the room informed him that he was in the medical bay, and that the angry voices, Doctor McCoy and a man he guessed to be Jim, were arguing in the doctor's office through a door off to the side.

Arguing about what, however, he was unsure of.

Why he was here to begin with, he was also unsure of.

Thinking back, Spock tried to sort through the hazy memories leading him to this moment.

He had been changing his bandages, that he was certain of. And then Jim had come in. And then... And then he'd had a flashback.

Spock's eyes widened.

He'd had a flashback.

In front of Jim and Bones.

And they... they had helped him?

He looked down at the stitches once more.

 _It would appear so_ , he mused, before abruptly snapping his head back up as the office door opened.

* * *

When Bones stepped into the med bay and saw him, he froze, before forcing himself to somewhat relax.

"Spock. You're awake".

It wasn't a question, but the Vulcan felt the need to answer anyway.

"Affirmative, doctor".

"How... How are you feeling?"

Spock paused.

How was he feeling?

Angry? Upset? Embarrassed?

"... Foggy" He finally replied, and Bones snorted a laugh, "Yea, that's the morphine for you... No pain?"

"Should there be?"

"What? No! No, no, of course not!" He said quickly, walking forwards slowly, almost cautiously.

 _He's expecting me to run_ , Spock realised, and to be fair, it wasn't a half-bad thought given the current situation.

"Are you..." Bones paused, decidedly uncomfortably looking, "... comfortable?"

"Yes".

"Good".

McCoy awkwardly scratched the back of his neck, "So... you're, uh, all stitched up now. Some of the lashes on your back were infected, but... well... they're not anymore, so... there's nothing to worry about".

"Thank you".

Silence.

"... Spock-"

* * *

The office door opened again, and Jim stepped out.

* * *

The Vulcan couldn't help the blush that graced his cheeks and he ducked his head to avoid the man's questioning gaze.

"You ask him yet?"

"Oh for- Jim!"

"What?" He shot back defensively, though still oddly aggressive, "I told you to ask him!"

"And I told you no!"

"It's for the greater good-"

"-that he's not _forced_ to answer!" Bones growled, glared at him.

They stared at each other for another few tense minutes, before Jim finally dropped his gaze.

"Fine" He bit out angrily, "Have it your way. See how much 'better' it is in the long run".

With one last vicious glare, he spun on his heel and marched from the room.

* * *

Spock stared after him, confused, "... Doctor?"

He sighed, frustrated, "... He wants me to ask you something".

"I gathered".

"And I just... I don't think it's the best idea".

"... May I inquire as to why not?"

Bones stared at him for one long moment, "... You had a panic attack. Earlier on, before I stitched you up. You... You fell to the floor, curled up, started whimpering, crying out... and then you stopped breathing... It took me a full six minutes to shake you out of it, and being perfectly honest, Spock... Those were the most terrifying six minutes of my entire life".

"I... apologise, for causing you such worry" He finally said, and McCoy took a sharp breath, "No. No, you don't get to apologise, Spock. You're not allowed to apologise. You didn't want this, you didn't cause this, _you didn't ask for this_... This isn't your fault, you understand that, right?"

He remained silent.

He knew the answer that the doctor wanted.

But he also knew that the man didn't like being lied to.

"... Why don't you want to ask me Jim's question?"

Perhaps changing topic was the best answer.

Bones closed his eyes for a moment before replying, "... Because if you panic again, I'm not quite sure if I'll be able to snap you out of it".

Spock slowly nodded.

He could understand the doctor's reasoning.

* * *

But he also didn't want to upset Jim.

* * *

"Was it an important question?"

"I'm not going to lie to you, Spock. It's probably _the_ most important question".

_Ah._

"You want to know who did it".

Bones looked up at him in surprise, "Well... Would you actually tell us?"

Spock tensed.

"You don't have to name people" He quickly backtracked, "Just... tell us enough so we know who to blame. Who to curse. Who to potentially murder if we ever come across them... Was it your family?"

Spock's breathing faltered.

"Your fiancé?"

Spock's hands tightened around the bed sheets.

"Your... father?"

Spock abruptly stilled.

Bones stared at him for another minute, before sighing and collapsing in the chair next to the Vulcan's chair, hands rising to rub at his forehead.

"... You know, my ole' man was a right dick".

The younger turned to him, surprised.

McCoy remained staring at his shoes, "He was an alcoholic... And a violent one at that".

The doctor leant back in his chair, "I'm not... telling you this to try and... I don't know... sympathise? empathise? some-other-ise? with you... I'm not trying to relate or to share experiences or any of that shit... My father used to beat me around a few times, but yours..."

He glanced down at the multitude of scares covering the Vulcan's chest.

"Yours, Spock... took this abuse thing to a whole new level".

* * *

Bones suddenly shook himself out of it, "Anyway, that was Jim's question. I have one myself, however, if you'd care to hear it. Since you've answered the first one... well... mine's quite similar".

Spock tilted his head, curious, and gestured for the doctor to continue.

Returning his gaze to the younger's bandages and stitches, Bones pause, "... You told me you left Vulcan three months ago now. Is that the truth?"

He quickly nodded.

"Then... Then how are some of these injuries only three weeks old?"

" _Such a pretty thing you are, I'm sure we can work out something for passage. There's no such thing as free travel, you know, but I'm sure my men could have some fun with you-"_

Spock swallowed thickly, "I... I left Vulcan".

"And jumped from cargo ship to cargo ship" Bones supplied, and he slowly nodded, "Yes. But I didn't... I didn't have any... I had to barter with them".

"For travel, yes, I understand. But you had no money?"

He shook his head, "No... But I had to leave. I _needed_ to leave".

Realisation dawned in the doctor's eyes, and his stomach churned painfully.

Spock avoided his gaze entirely.

"I needed to leave... And I was willing to trade _anything_ to get away".


	12. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Jim took a deep breath, stopping outside the door to the infirmary.

After his shouting match with Bones, he had stormed down to the large gym in the base of the ship and had, quite frankly, _destroyed_ quite a number of punching bags.

It wasn't the arguing with the doctor that had gotten him so worked up, space knew they fought more often than got along, and showed their affection for one enough in carefully concealed barbs and jabs at one another.

It was the fact that someone, _or someone's_ his mind replied darkly, could do this, could cause so much harm and injuries and _so much fucking pain_ to such a fucking _amazing_ person that just-

He gritted his teeth and angrily shook his head.

 _No_.

He was not getting reworked up over this.

He- He couldn't.

He _wouldn't_.

Not when the people who had done this to Spock had probably done so with anger.

The last thing Jim wanted was to scare the Vulcan off.

Taking another calming breath, he tried to focus on the positive side of _well, at least we know about it now!_ which really wasn't at all very positive but it was all he had to grip onto right now and _fuck, Spock-_

He clenched his fists until his palms bled.

Now was _not_ the time to be thinking about everything that happened.

 _Everything that_ _ **could**_ _have happened,_ his traitorous mind whispered.

Oh for-

" _Kirk_ , _get_ _a_ _fucking grip!_ " He muttered angrily, before once more taking a deep breath and reaching up to push open the door.

* * *

Well, there was no turning back now.

* * *

Cautiously walking over to where Spock's bed was tucked into the corner of the room, Jim didn't know whether to be upset or relieved that the Vulcan was sound asleep.

Sighing, he pulled up the chair next to the man's silent body and sat down.

Spock was lying on his stomach, head turned away from him, and he longed to have those warm walnut eyes staring at him again.

 _Not that_ _ **this**_ _particular view isn't appreciated_ , he mused, leaning back in his chair and admiring the prone form in front of him.

Spock's back wasn't as heavily bandaged at his chest was, as thick black stitches took up the majority of his pale skin. His dark hair was sticking up in numerous directions, revealing a long column of neck that Jim just _ached_ to claim as his. The pale stretch led down to strong shoulders, the Vulcan's lean body betraying their strength. His spine curved enticingly past slender sinewy muscles and carved chiselled tendons to dip dangerously low beneath the bed sheets, only sharp angular hip bones remaining visible above it.

Jim swallowed audibly and looked away.

* * *

_Just what the hell had he gotten himself into?_

* * *

Turning his gaze back to the sleeping Vulcan, he glanced over the wiry body once more, this time focusing on the amount of stitches and scars littering the pale skin. One long, jagged line in particular caught his attention, and before he knew what he was doing, he had reached out and gently traced it with his finger, from mid-back to where it curved to the right and then disappeared below the hospital sheets.

Jim frowned, wondering what had caused such a unique mark, his hand retracing the scar and pausing on the entrance wound.

* * *

There was a pointed cough from behind him.

* * *

Jim jumped to his feet, spinning around with startled eyes, only to find Bones standing at the entrance to his office, arms crossed and glaring.

"Bones, I-"

"I saw".

He quickly backtracked, "I didn't mean anything-"

"Anything what, Kirk? Anything dark? Anything sinister? _Anything at all?"_

"No, I- I wasn't- I mean I didn't- I just-"

"You like him".

Silence.

A sigh.

"... Do you not?"

At the guilty, self-depreciating tone, the doctor softened, and his arms fell to his side as he stared at his friend with pity, "... Of course I do, Jim. He's intelligent, sharp, witty, _very_ easy on the eye... who wouldn't fall just that little bit in love with the guy?"

Kirk swallowed, "Are you? Are you... in love with him?"

"... No, Jim, I'm not" He replied quietly, "Because that boy needs more love than I can give, more help both mentally and emotionally than I offer him... If you're-"

He paused, reconsidering his words.

"If you're... considering, as such... a relationship? with him, then... you need to understand what you're getting into".

"I do-"

"No, Jim, you _really_ don't" Bones interrupted, giving him a hard look, "Spock's damaged, in every sense of the word. His physical wounds will heal, and over time, the scars will fade... But to a Vulcan, the most important thing to them is their mind... And I'm just not all that sure how much of Spock's is left for him".

* * *

Kirk let out a heavy breath and collapsed back in his chair, hand rubbed angrily over his face, "I just-"

He cut himself off and glanced up at the still-sleeping Vulcan.

"... I like him, Bones, I... I _really_ like him".

"I know you do. But it's fairly pointless telling me that, now, isn't it? He's the one you should pour your heart out to, you know I can't stand any of that mushy shit".

It was a poor attempt of lightening up the situation, but his friend appreciated the sentiment all the same, and he forced a small smile in reply.

"I'll be sure to stay clear of you for the next few weeks then".

McCoy gave a snort, before the atmosphere turned serious once more.

* * *

"... Bones?"

"Yea kid?"

"... How bad is it?"

The doctor sighed, slowly walking over and sitting on the bed opposite the Vulcan, watching his spine slowly rise and fall as he breathed.

"It's... pretty bad".

"I thought so... His injuries?"

"Multiple lacerations across his back from a thin leather strap, my best guess was that it was a belt. He has a particularly bad cut just below his right knee, I've no idea how he wasn't limping. His right shoulder's sprained, as well as punctured by a sharp blade, but thankfully, while deep, it didn't cause much damage. The idiot managed to make it worse, however, by continuously working with it. Once the inflammation goes down, it should heal up rather quickly. After that, he has multiple shallow wounds across his chest, has one cracked rib and three bruised, and generally is just covered by half-healed bruises full stop".

Jim slowly nodded, still staring at the Vulcan on the hospital bed.

* * *

"Bones?"

"Yes?"

"How come we didn't see it?"

He glanced over at the captain, "Honestly?"

"Of course".

He gave a sad smile, "I think the boys so used to hiding his injuries... He's become quite proficient at it".

"It's been... happening... for... for a while, then?" Kirk asked cautiously, not _wanting_ to hear the answer but _needing_ to know.

"To tell you the truth, Jim... I'd say it's been going on his whole life".

He slowly nodded, "He's... messed up, then? In the head?"

"Not the words I'd use, but yea, that pretty much sums it up".

Jim leant back in his chair and sighed, "... It's going to be a long road to recovery".

"Will you be there for it?"

He turned to him in surprise, "What? Of course I will!"

" _Are you_ _sure?_ " McCoy asked seriously, and the younger man angrily jumped to his feet, "And just what the hell is _that_ supposed to mean?!"

"It means, you absolute _moron_ , that if you're planning on dating Spock, then you better be _committed_ to it. He does _not_ need someone to help him half of the way and then abandon him because it's suddenly too much to deal with".

"McCoy! I would _never_ do that to him! I would never do that _full stop!_ " He growled, "Just why the hell would I leave after everything? Was I not the one to bring him here? Was I not the one to bring him to you yesterday evening? _Was I not the one to come back?!_ I am _not_ , nor will I _ever,_ hurt him _in_ _any way!_ Not if I can prevent it, and most definitely not if I know it's upsetting him! This isn't a- a fling, McCoy. This isn't a one-night stand or a late-night hook-up or anything like that! For once in my life I'm actually _serious_ about a relationship and I will _not_ have you doubting _my ability to help him!_ "

Bones stared at him in silence, Jim's panting the only sound in the room.

Then finally, he smiled.

"Good. Just wanted to check".

Kirk stared at him in shock, "What? You- You- You knew?! That I wouldn't-"

"Of course I did" He replied, walking over to the blonde, "Spock's a once-in-a-lifetime chance, Jim. And even _you_ wouldn't mess that up".

"... I am seriously hating you right now".

"I know" He replied smirking, before suddenly stepping closer and turning serious, "But if you hurt him in any way, _any way at all_ , then half a decade of friendship or not, know this James Kirk".

He leant forwards until they were practically nose to nose, eyes dark and dangerous and deadly.

" _I will fucking end you_... Do I make myself clear?"

Jim swallowed thickly and quickly nodded.

"Good" Bones replied, stepping back as the light hearted smile returned, "Now come on, help me wake up sleeping beauty, it's past time he ate something".


	13. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Spock sighed inaudibly as he felt Jim's gaze on him once more. Bones had allowed him to leave the medical bay only a day after he had been stitched up, knowing full well that if he kept him any longer the Vulcan would go insane from lack of mental stimulation. Unfortunately, he had banned him from the science lab for the next few days in order to allow his shoulder to fully heal, and he wasn't allowed to do any heavy lifting either.

Which basically confined him to his room, and to the bridge.

Where he currently was.

With a worried James Tiberius Kirk _still_ staring at him.

Spock refused to meet the Captains gaze, knowing from experience that it most definitely did _not_ make him turn away in embarrassment, and instead, he used it as an invitation to come even closer.

And the Vulcan was touched, honestly, by the concern the man showed him, and _yes_ , he admits that his heart warmed every time he caught him glancing over at him... But it was also incredibly irritating.

Spock was distracted by the gaze on the back of his neck, especially since his current work was so tedious, and he found that his productivity levels had fallen to a mere 34.7%.

Which was not acceptable. At all. Not if he wished to stay on the Starship.

* * *

The Vulcan closed his eyes for a second as a shadow fell across his desk.

_Here we go again._

"Hey Spock".

He turned in his chair, "Good evening Captain".

Jim hovered in front of him, obviously uneasy.

"Are you... I mean, is it... How are you?" He finished lamely, and Spock became increasingly aware of the other bridge's occupants listening into their conversation.

He had refused to inform the rest of the crew, already ill at ease with just Jim and Bones knowing about his injuries and their occurrence, but Kirk's sudden protective nature was hard to miss, and every time he came over to the Vulcan, they tried to find out why.

"I find myself adequate, Captain" Spock replied evenly, "Was there a specific reason for your visit?"

"No, no, I just... Are you sure?"

"Completely, Captain... If that is all-?"

"Yes, yes, of course" Jim said quickly, taking a step back, "I'll just... go and... return to my station... See you later, Spock".

"Until our next assembly, Captain" He nodded, before turning back to face his console, not missing the pitying look Uhura sent his way as he did.

That was another thing.

* * *

Uhura knew.

* * *

Spock wasn't quite sure how, considering Bones had patient confidentiality, and he refused to believe Jim would willingly betray his trust considering everything he had done for the Vulcan so far... but somehow, she still knew.

She had yet to mention her knowing to Spock, but he could just... tell.

From the saddened looks she kept giving him, the empathy she tried to convey, and the not-so-subtle pulling him aside after dinner yesterday and telling him that if he want to talk then-

Well.

Somehow, she knew.

And he found himself rather... infuriated, with the careful way they now chose their words, the sympathy glances they kept giving him, and the almost cautious manner in which they _moved_ around him. Always giving him too much space, enough space to duck and run and hide, but _too much_.

Spock couldn't lie to himself.

He missed Jim's touch.

He missed his hand on his shoulder to lead him from the science lab, he missed the heartfelt pats on the back when the captain was in a good mood, and he missed the unconscious brushes of his arm against Spock's, of his fingers against this wrist, of their legs as they sat down at meal times...

Spock missed _Jim_.

Not this _Captain Kirk_ , not this _fretting human_ , not this _aggravatingly over-possessive watchful shadow!_

* * *

And eventually, the inevitable was going to happen and Spock was _going to just-_

"Hey, Spock, are you sure you're okay?"

_-snap._

* * *

He spun around with a snarl, and _glared_ at the Captain, _absolutely fucking furious that_ -

"Yes, Kirk, I am okay! I am healthy, adequate, well, alright, fine, good, and _whatever other fucking variation that you can come up with!_ I am _sick_ and _tired_ of you hovering over me all the _damn_ time and this is the _last warning_ you are going get before I quite possibly _physically_ _harm_ you! _So just back the hell off already!_ "

* * *

Silence.

* * *

Spock froze, just realising what he had said.

Jim looked at him in shock, stunned into place.

The rest of the crew stared, all work forgotten.

* * *

Spock abruptly stood up.

"... Excuse me" He muttered, quickly run- _no not running, quickly walking_ \- from the room, the door shutting behind him immediately but still giving him enough time to hear-

"Dude, did you just... did you just _break_ the _Vulcan?!_ "

* * *

Once out of view, he ran.

* * *

Flinging open the door to his room, he slammed in shut behind and allowed his human side to take over, throwing himself down on his bed, not caring for his protesting injuries as his vision blurred.

He couldn't stop the tears from falling.

Clawing at his eyes, he angrily wiped them away, swearing and cursing himself and _his_ _stupid emotional actions_ in every language he knew.

He had ruined it.

He had opened his mouth and _barked_ at Jim and now Jim was going to _hate_ him forever and he'd be forced to _leave_ because they'd _kick him off_ the Starship and he'd be _alone_ again and he _can't_ , he _just can't_ , bear to lose _Jim_ to lose _Bones_ to lose _everyone_ because _for once_ in his _miserable_ _life_ he's _happy_ and now he's gone and _messed it up_ and _why the hell had he opened his mouth?!_

"Spock?"

He jumped and spun around as there was a knock on his door.

"Spock? Can I... Can I come in?"

He frowned.

"... Uhura?"

His door was pushed open slowly, and she poked her head in, "Yea, it's me... Is it okay if I come in?"

He slowly nodded and sat up, discretely trying to wipe away the tears.

* * *

But of course, it was too late.

* * *

"Oh Spock-" Nyota immediately rushed forwards and pulled him into a tight hug.

He flinched, froze, and then leaned into the touch.

She quickly jumped back, "Sorry! I- I'm sorry, I know you don't- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"No! No, I... I like it" He admitted quietly.

If he was going to be sent away, then he might as well admit everything, after all.

She frowned, "You... You like it? Being hugged?"

He swallowed thickly and cautiously nodded.

Immediately, her warm arms were wrapped around him again, and he almost purred at the contact.

Hesitantly, he returned the gesture, and he felt her smile into his neck, "I didn't expect... You were just so jumpy when we first met you and then Jim found your injuries and told me what happened and-"

"Jim told you?" He asked, frowning at the blank wall in front of him.

"Well... When I say _told_... I may have seen you in the med bay and then cornered him to find out why and possibility threatened his masculinity if he refused to tell me... I didn't give him much of a choice".

His unconsciously tightened his grip around her.

Damn, did he love this woman.

Which made his next action all that more painful.

Slowly pulling back, he took a deep breath before facing her, "I'll... I'll start packing now so-"

"Woah, woah, woah!" She interrupted, "Start packing? What do you mean start packing? You're leaving?"

He frowned, "Do you not... want me to-"

"Spock. _No one_ is going to ask you to leave!" She replied quickly, "Why would you think that?"

"Because... Because I snapped at the captain and-"

"-and Jim most certainly is NOT going to hold that against you! Spock, do you _know_ how many times I've glared at him? How many times _I've_ snapped? Do you know how many _arguments_ we have on a _daily_ basis?"

He frowned, and thought.

"... An average of 2.4 arguments per day since I have arrived".

She sat down next to him and gave a watery smile, and he was alarmed to see tears in her eyes.

"Spock... You really don't get it, do you?"

"... I am unaware of what 'get it' is meaning in this-"

"He _cares_ for you" She interrupted gently, "Jim cares for you _so much_ and I just... I have never seen him so worked up over someone else this much before, and he's not used to it. That's why he's being so overbearing! It's his way of... showing his concern, his way of dealing with his worry".

The Vulcan frowned, confused with this new development.

Nyota softly bumped shoulders with him, "And besides, it's like you said. If I argue 2.4 times with him every day on average, and I haven't been fired yet, then why the hell would you be?"

"... Because you are his friend-"

"And so are you".

Spock blinked.

Uhura smiled at him, "You're our _friend_ , Spock. We _like_ you, we _care_ for you! You have to... You _need_ to understand that, okay? A small spat with Jim isn't to get you kicked off this ship. Hell, I'm pretty sure you could even murder Bones at this point, and Jim would let it slide".

He frowned.

He wasn't quite sure if _that_ was true...

"We all fight and argue at times, Spock" She continued, carefully reaching up and rubbing his back, "But we make up again, and carry on as normal. It's only human to disagree from time to time. You know better than any of us how irrational and emotional humans can be... So don't worry, okay? You're going to have _a lot_ more arguments with all of us over the next few months, but that will never, _never_ , get you in trouble, and will _certainly_ not get you tossed off the Starship! Do you understand?"

Spock gave a slow nod, because finally, _finally_ , he thinks he's beginning to.

Nyota smiled back at him, "Good. _Good_... I'll tell Jim to lay off a little-"

She quickly put up a hand as he went to interrupt.

"-because if I don't, he will continue to be just as overbearing".

Oh.

Well.

In that case...

"And Spock?" She asked gently, reminding him all too much of his mother before she died, "I know you were fully justified to snap at Jim... but I think you need to _explain_ to him why it bothered you so much".

He opened his mouth, paused, and then closed it again.

"I know you don't think so, but it really _does_ help to talk about things" She continued, standing back up, "And the best person to tell?"

"Jim" He finished, and she nodded, smiling, "Exactly... So come on, what a better time to start than the present?"


	14. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Early update!
> 
> I have no idea why or how but I love writing this story so there you go!
> 
> Rachel :D
> 
> * * *

**Chapter 13**

Jim quickly turned to the doors of the bridge as they slid open with a near silent _whoosh_ , and Uhura stepped in. At his questioning look, she gave a small sad smile, before silently returning to her station.

His stomach twisted painfully.

He had been reluctant to let her follow Spock after he had snapped just under an hour ago, but she had insisted that he would only make matters worse by going himself.

Now, though, he was wondering if staying behind was a bad idea after all, as there was no sign of the Vulcan with-

He blinked as the doors opened once more, his heart beating rapidly as the familiar face came into view.

Spock.

He quickly took a step forward before pausing.

He knew the man would come to him when he was ready.

Taking a step back once more, he shot a dirty look at the remainder of the crew, all looking at the Vulcan with mixtures of shocked and surprised expressions.

Ignoring their stares, despite being clearly uncomfortable with the attention, Jim watched as Spock marched towards him in determination.

He stopped a foot away from him, and the blonde swallowed nervously in anticipation.

Spock seemed to sort his thoughts for a few precious seconds, before finally looking up at him, and Jim was shocked to see the remains of tears in the Vulcan's eyes, immediately having to shove down the urge to _gather the_ _brown-eyed_ _beauty in his arms and squeeze him tightly and never let go because he was too good for this world too fucking good and he didn't deserve any of this and-_

"Captain".

He quickly snapped his attention back to the man in front of him, "... Mr. Spock".

"I..."

He hesitated.

Spock never hesitated.

Jim paled slightly.

"... Would you care to join me for a game of chess in my quarters, Captain?"

Kirk frowned.

From the corner of his eye, he saw the rest of the crew, who were not so subtly listening in, do the same. From the other side of the bridge, however, he saw Nyota give him a most definitely _not_ subtle look, clearly telling him to _say yes, you absolute moron! This is his way of-_

Oh.

 _Oh_.

* * *

This is his way of trying to explain.

* * *

Jim couldn't help but smile at the Vulcan, and Spock visually relaxed when a wide grin soon followed.

He glanced down at his watch and quickly did the maths, "Well, Mr Spock, I'm off duty in nine minutes, so... Shall I meet you there?"

"That would be most logical, Captain" He replied calmly, before spinning sharply on his heel and marching from the room once more.

Jim shook his head at the retreating back, before turning and walking back to his chair.

The others stared on, confused and unsure as to what the hell just happened?

"... Keptain?"

Jim looked over at Chekov who stared back at him completely bewildered, and he had to smile once more.

"Don't worry guys... We're good".

The Russian's frown only deepened and he quickly opened his mouth to ask more, but a sharp dig in the ribs by Sulu silenced him, and he reluctantly turned back to his station.

Jim smirked, and glanced over at Uhura, who, for the first time in her life, gave him an almost approving look.

Perhaps Spock was good for him too.

* * *

Spock looked up at there was a knock on his door, and he nervously brushed down his clothes as Jim stepped in, closing the panel behind him once more.

He smiled softly, "Hey Spock".

"Jim. Hello" He awkwardly responded, before quickly turning his attention back to the chess board in front of him, gesturing towards the opposite chair, "Please, have a seat".

Kirk did as told, the gentle smile never leaving his face.

"I... I wish to apologise" Spock began, before putting up a hand as the Captain tried to interrupt, "No, I... I shouldn't have snapped. It was not the appropriate response for-"

"-for being an overbearing ass".

He looked up in surprise, and Jim flushed, "I... I know I've been... Too much to deal with the last few days. I just... I was worried and I don't- I can't just... I can't deal with it. So I turn into a fretting mother hen instead".

He frowned, moving the pawn in front of his King forwards two spaces, "... Fretting mother he-"

"It's an old earth saying, don't worry about it" Jim replied, making his first move on the chess board, "The point is, I should have backed off a bit. I know you don't want the others to know about... well... about that and I didn't exactly make it subtle when I asked if your injuries were acting up and I'm expecting a _long_ talk with Uhura later on and... I should be the one to apologise. So, I'm sorry".

He moved the bishop diagonally, "And I'm sorry for raising my voice at you. It was unprofessional and inappropriate-"

"Oh no, it was most definitely appropriate" He interrupted, playing his own bishop, "I think I... _needed_ you to yell at me to realise how suffocating I was being".

Spock changed the position of his queen.

"We were both at fault, agreed?"

Jim smiled again as he pushed a rook forwards, and the Vulcan decided he liked that expression on the human.

"Agreed".

* * *

Spock blinked, "... Checkmate".

"What?! No!" Jim quickly looked down at the board, "No, you couldn't have... You just... _You made four moves!_ "

"That's all it takes sometimes".

The human stared at him, "... You're a genius, you know that?"

He couldn't hold back a small smile at the praise, "It is merely logic, Jim".

"Logic, my ass! That's geniusness right there!"

"Genius".

"What?"

Spock's smile widened, oddly reminiscent of their first meeting, "Just genius. 'Geniusness' doesn't exist in the English language".

Kirk gazed at him in disbelief, "... You're really something, aren't you?"

He would have flinched back if not for the warm tone it was said with.

Instead, he wrung his hands together in his lap nervously as the tips of his ears flushed a light green.

Spock cleared his throat, "... Shall we have another game, then?"

* * *

Four games later, and Spock was beginning to panic.

It was getting late, they still had to eat, and then Jim was going to leave and _he won't have time to tell him and he has to tell him he just has to because if he doesn't-_

"Ah, Spock?"

He blinked and immediately dropped the chess piece in his hand, a noticeable dent in the side of the unfortunate pawn.

"You... You okay there?"

He swallowed, "I... I'm sorry. I did not mean to-"

Jim frowned at the Vulcan's obvious nerves.

"Hey, don't worry, it was-" _incredibly hot_ "-only a chess piece. We can buy another".

He gave a jerky nod.

Kirk studied him carefully, "You want to... to tell me what's on your mind? I almost captured your knight just there, you barely moved in time".

"I confess my mind is... on other things" Spock admitted, because _thinking_ about doing something and _actually doing it_ , are two completely different things.

And so far, this was a hell of lot more difficult than he had expected it to be.

"You want to talk about it?" He asked cautiously, not wanting to push the Vulcan but also _needing to know_.

Spock stared at him for a moment before slowly nodding, "I... I don't know how... I'm trying to-"

"Take a deep breath" Jim interrupted, squashing the butterflies in his stomach at the sight of the adorably confused looking Vulcan, "Just go at your own pace. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to, I need you to remember that, okay?"

"... Okay" He finally replied, looking and feeling somewhat relieved, "... My fiancé-"

" _Ex_ fiancé".

The corner of his mouth twitched, "My _ex_ fiancé is... loud... aggressive... violent... _illogical_... I did not like him much".

Jim snorted, "Understatement of the year, I bet".

Spock smiled, "Perhaps... In Vulcan, marriages are arranged. It's a bonding of two families equal in status and in wealth. My father is... important, amongst Vulcan's, and as I am his only child..."

"You have to marry someone equally important" Kirk summarised, "Someone powerful".

"Exactly. And he is" He continued, "Because of his status, his more... illogical actions, are often overlooked".

"Not very Vulcan, is he?"

"... Neither am I".

He wanted to kick himself.

"Spock, I didn't mean-"

"I know" He interrupted, "But I am. I'm half human. I'm... illogical".

* * *

Jim was beginning to _hate_ that word.

* * *

"Other Vulcan's frown upon my heritage, as did my father and fiancé. But as an important custom on Vulcan, the marriage has to happen... But it doesn't need to have love, we don't even have to like one another. And anything that happens behind closed doors... No one cares about it".

Spock suddenly straightened up and began setting up the chess board for another game, leaving Jim alone to his thoughts for a few moments.

_Anything that happens behind closed doors... No one cares about it._

It left a lot to the imagination, and none of it good.

Studying the Vulcan in front of him as he scanned the board strategically, the blonde knew that he hadn't even _scratched_ the surface.

But based on the tiny smile on the man's face, and the way he just looked _lighter_... Jim couldn't help but feel happy anyway.

Because despite the fact he wasn't told much, for Spock, _he had told enough_.


	15. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Spock couldn't help but notice the nervous looks sent his way as he and Jim entered the canteen the next afternoon for a very late brunch.

Their morning had been hectic, with a freak weather accident on their destined supply base preventing docking, and the next nearest M-class planet was a moon believed to be inhabited by Orions, a week's journey away. With no reason to believe the starbase's storm to end overnight, they had immediately set full warp ahead for the next landing area, with Uhura acting as translator and negotiator between the Orion's and their small Starship. Because of this, breakfast had been skipped, and the chance for Spock to examine the crew's reaction to him after his outburst the day before, had been put off until now.

Thankfully, however, Jim ignored the blatant stares from Sulu and Chekov, the concerned gaze from Scotty, the pointedly-not-looking-at-them Uhura, and a confused yet slightly angry Bones. Following his lead, Spock trailed after the captain, watching the others from the corner of his eye _just in case_.

He needn't have worried.

Once the rest of the Starship's crew noticed the lack of tension between the Vulcan and the Human, and the familiar ease they acted with having once more returned, they all returned to their food, content to just accept that the pair had solved their difficulties.

* * *

Collecting his food, Spock sat down next to Nyota in his usual seat. He gave her a small smile, and she readily returned it.

"Nam-tor kanok-vei nafai i'?" She asked quietly.

_**Is everything okay now?** _

"Ha" He replied softly, "... Ha, kanok-vei's rom".

_**Yes... Yes, everything's good.** _

She smiled once more and gently squeezed his arm, before turning back to her conversation with Scotty, and he couldn't help but feel the warmth that spread through him.

* * *

Typing the code into the replicator, Jim sighed and leant back against the wall, eyes closed while he waited. The negotiations with the Orion's had taken more out of him than he had thought, and he wanted nothing more than to go back to his room and curl up under a big fluffy quilt.

Hearing a pointed cough in front of him, he reluctantly re-opened his eyes.

Bones stood in front of him, arms crossed, "I heard you and the hobgoblin made quite the scene yesterday".

"We had a... _slight_ disagreement" Jim admitted.

"He yelled at you, then walked out".

He paused, "... Maybe. But it doesn't matter, we're cool now".

Bones eyed him distrustfully, "You sure? Because my threat still stands, you know. I will skin you alive if you hurt him".

"... I've no doubt you will" Kirk finally replied, equal parts amused and terrified, "But honestly, we're okay now. There was just a... a small problem, but we fixed it. You can go ask Spock, if you like".

"... No" He said, "No, I believe you... But what, exactly, happened?"

He shrugged, picking up his plate from the replicator, "I was being an over bearing ass, and he got sick of it".

Bones slowly nodded, "Do the others know?"

"About his...?"

"Yea".

"No one but Uhura" Jim replied, "He... doesn't want them to find out".

"A common side effect of abuse" He muttered, "He tell you anything?"

"A bit" He admitted, "Mostly about arranged marriages and how he hated his ex... But we're getting there".

"Good" McCoy replied, "You tell him about your life?"

"Should I have?"

He sighed, "It'll... help him. Normalise it. He won't feel as... different, as such... And right now, that's the last thing we need".

* * *

Taking his seat, Jim placed his hand on Spock's shoulder, smiling when the Vulcan leant into the touch and smiled back at him. Sitting down, he reluctantly dropped his arm and picked up his fork, immediately being drawn into a heated debate between Scotty and Uhura, Spock throwing in the occasional logical point here and there. He was immediately rebutted by snarky comments from Bones, of course, and Jim couldn't help but stare affectionately at the Vulcan as he shot the doctor down effortlessly, noticing how the corner of his mouth turned up slightly as Bones refused to go down without a fight, and the way his hands occasionally twitched as if wanting to gesture passionately to the man what he meant.

There was no way Spock could feel different here.

He was one of them now.

* * *

"Where are we going, Jim?"

"Just wait!" He teased, dragging Spock through the ship.

It was the late, very late, and they were landing on the Orion moon tomorrow, so really, this had terrible timing, but he didn't care, he couldn't care, not when he finally threw open the doors at the highest point of the starship, stepped in, and saw the Vulcan's reaction to the view.

Spock slowly walked over to the centre of the room, staring in awe at the ceiling.

The glass ceiling.

The glass ceiling with a view of Galaxy 7953 beyond it.

He watched, captivated, by the twinkling lights, the shooting stars, the red and blue and green planets in the distance, the endless void of space and emptiness and freedom.

"I take that you like it?" Jim asked, smirking.

Spock continued to gaze up at the night sky in wonder, "It's... beautiful".

He glanced over at the Vulcan, and smiled softly at his awed gaze and high cheekbones and lean frame and just- "It really is".

He blushed a light green at the warm hazel eyes, and ducked his head, hands wringing together awkwardly.

Jim's smile widened, "Come on, I brought blankets".

* * *

An hour later, and they were lying side by side on a pile of quilts, staring up at the night sky. Jim could feel Spock's arm touching his, could see his chest rising and falling evenly from the corner of his eye, and could sense how relaxed the Vulcan had become.

"Spock?"

"Yes?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

"You just did".

"You know what I mean, smartass".

"... Alright Jim. What is your question?"

He carefully watched his reaction.

"What happened to your mother?"

Spock immediately tensed.

"I mean, obviously, you don't have to answer" Jim quickly continued, "I know it's a touchy subject for you, and I don't mean to pry. But it's just... over the last week you've told me a lot about your family, and you mention her a lot, but you never... explained what happened to her".

Next to him, the Vulcan swallowed nervously, but slowly relaxed, and Kirk counted that as a win.

"She... She died".

And that was most definitely a lose.

"Do you mind me asking how?" He questioned softly, having already guessed her demise but wanting to know when.

Spock slowly nodded, "She was a human. A... A slave, as such, for my father. Every few years, Vulcan's enter... well... that's not important. But her body was ill suited to the desert climate. When I was a young child, she got sick... She died before I turned ten human years".

"... I'm sorry" Jim finally replied.

"Don't be. She was happy, for the most part... She had an extraordinary gift for hope, a romantic readiness such as I have never found in any other person and which it is not likely I shall ever find again".

"Sounds like she'd get along with my mom pretty bloody well then" He smirked, "My mother's slightly... insane".

At Spock's worried frown, he laughed, "No, no, not _literally_ insane. It's just an expression. It means... a very happy, eccentric person. My mom's fairly unique".

"... Yes. As was mine" He said, "She was the only one who... accepted me, for what I was. For what I _am_ ".

Jim eyed him cautiously, "Yea... My mom was pretty cool about it when I came out".

"Came out?"

"Of the closet".

Spock frowned, "... You were kept in a closet?"

"What?! _No!_ Spock, no, of course not!" Kirk quickly corrected, "It's... It's a figure of speech. It means to... to tell your parents that you're not straight".

"... Straight?"

"You know, like... heterosexual?"

He still looked confused.

"Where you only like the opposite gender".

"You had to... inform your mother... that you only liked females?"

"No! Not that I was straight. That's kind of... automatically assumed on Earth" Jim rambled awkwardly, "I told her that I was gay".

"That you were... happy?"

He stared at him, "... Man, you guys don't deal with this at all on Vulcan, do you?"

"On Vulcan... there is no binary" Spock tried to explain, "It is not right or wrong to be attracted to the same or opposite gender. It just... is what it is".

"Yea. We've been trying to get people to think like that for centuries back on earth".

"Humans do not... agree... with each other's preferences?" He asked, confused.

"Not at all. When I came out- I mean when I said I was gay- or, homosexual, I mean- dammit! I mean-" Jim paused, taking a deep breath, "I mean when I said I liked men, I got a lot of criticism from people... But it's alright, there's haters everywhere you know?"

"I... agree".

"That some people are dicks?"

Spock smiled slightly, "No, although that is true... I... join you in your... preference".

Jim blinked, "... You're gay?"

"If that is the Terran term, then, yes" He replied, staring up at the multicoloured stars above them, "I could never understand what other Vulcan's saw in the female figure. I automatically assumed it was my human side that... changed it, somehow, but now..."

"Now you realise it's perfectly normal to like who you like" Jim said firmly, "Right?"

He smiled and tilted his head to face the human, "... Right".

Jim couldn't help but grin back.


	16. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I'm ignoring Sulu, Chekov, and Scotty compared to the other four, so I'm going to **let you guys take control**! Is there any  ships you'd like to see between them? Any sub plots? Any scenes you'd like one or more of the three to have with each other or with Spock/Jim/Uhura/Bones? Do you guys want Ben (Sulu's husband) to appear and if so, are they already married or just meeting for the first time? Are you a die-hard Sulu/Chekov and Uhura/Scotty shippers? _**TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT TO SEE!**_
> 
>  
> 
> _Rachel :D_
> 
> * * *

**Chapter 15**

The next morning saw half the crew disembark their Starship on the M-class moon. They were quickly greeted by a tall green-skinned woman with two male guards on either side of her. As Nyota returned the pleasantries in the correct language, Spock looked around the Orion planet and shivered.

It was cold.

 _Too_ cold.

He wrapped his coat tighter around himself.

M-class planets didn't have to be the same temperature as Earth, after all, just habitable. And humans had a much higher resilience against sub-zero temperatures than Vulcans did.

"My name is Martavar".

Spock quickly turned his attention back to the Orion as she spoke.

"I believe you're after supplies?" She asked, and Jim slowly blinked at her, a dazed look on his face.

 _Ah yes_ , the Vulcan recalled, staring in fascination at the glazed look in his captain's eyes, _Orion women were famous for making men lose their composure._

A pointed cough made him turn back to the green woman in front of him.

The Orion, Martavar his brain supplied, narrowed her eyes at him.

"You are not affected".

His shook his head, still shivering.

"Do you speak English?"

"Yes ma'am" He replied quietly.

She nodded, "Do you speak Orion?"

He reluctantly nodded, ignoring Uhura's surprised look next to him.

Martavar smiled, "Good. You will do... Come, we have much to discuss".

He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, trying to warm up, and agreed once more.

The group began to follow the Orion leader, with Uhura quickly falling into step besides Spock.

"You speak Orion?" She asked quietly, mindful of the natives in front of them.

He gave a tight nod.

"How? Why? When did you learn it?" She rambled, "I was under the impression you only knew Vulcan and English".

"I am... fluent in numerous languages" Spock admitted, hands shoved deep in his pockets, "Vulcan, English, Orion, Klingon, Andorian... The most widely used".

"How?"

He kept his gaze straight ahead as he answered, "You know of my childhood. When you're locked up for hours on end... there's not much else to do but read".

* * *

The negotiations were over in a few hours, and once they guaranteed they had everything needed for the next few weeks, they paid the Orion's and left.

Spock was more than happy to return to their warm ship.

The moon had been _freezing_ and he had hated every single second he had to spend in the sub-zero temperatures. He was only too happy to agree when Jim suggested having an early night, and he quickly returned to his quarters, piling on every layer he had underneath the thick quilt on his bed. His body was racked with shivers, even now back in his room, and his lungs felt tight. And he was still _so fucking cold!_

Spock sighed and pulled the blankets up over his head.

It was going to be a _longgg_ night.

* * *

Getting out of bed the next morning proved to be something of a challenge.

He was still cold, _freezing_ , and his chest twinged painfully whenever he coughed. What made it worse, was the cloud that seemed to have descended on his brain, making his head fuzzy and thoughts all jumbled.

Spock frowned and shook his head, quickly reaching out to place a hand on the wall as his vision spun and eyes watered.

_What the hell was wrong with him?!_

Stumbling around his quarters, he found his uniform and quickly got dressed, before making his way to bridge, having realised with a pang that he would be late for his shift if he stopped for breakfast.

Stepping into the room, he made his way over to his station, not noticing Jim's worried frown until the human literally walked over and stood directly in front of him.

"Spock?"

He blinked and turned at the sound of the voice, feeling like cotton wool had been stuffed into his head as he tried to recognise the blonde hair and hazel eyes.

"... Captain".

"You feeling alright?" He asked again, reaching out and gently placing his hand on the Vulcan's forehead, "You're burning up".

Spock leant into the warm touch, a blessing against the cold that had seemed to seep into his very bones.

"... I assure you I am fine, Captain" He finally replied, his throat aching, "Merely fatigued after yesterday's outin- ACHOO".

Silence.

Spock slowly blinked.

Jim grinned, "What just... Did you just sneeze?"

He frowned, "... Vulcan's do not- ACHOO".

_What on Vulcan was that infernal squeaky noise?!_

By this point, everyone was grinning at him.

Jim felt his heart melt, "I swear that has got to be the cutest sound I have ever heard".

He sniffled.

"Nope, I stand corrected, _that_ right there is the cutest thing I've ever heard" He grinned, "Are you sick? Can Vulcan's even get sick? Wait, no, what am I saying, of course they can, everyone can get sick, but like... Are you sick?"

He felt his head throb, "I have not yet been 'sick', as you call it, since- ACHOO -I was a child, captain".

"But you _can_ get sick, right?"

"It is- ACHOO -possible, yes".

Jim smirked, "Spock?"

"Yes Captain?"

"You're sick".

He paused, "... I am still able to perform my duties, Captain-"

"Bullshit" Jim interrupted, " _No one_ can work properly when they're sick. Go visit Bones".

"Captain, I assure you I can-"

"Go visit Bones!" He repeated.

Spock paused, and glanced back at his station mournfully.

He couldn't not work.

Then they'd have _no reason to keep him_ on board and he _had to pull his weight_ around he _just had to_ and _one stupid little cold_ was _not_ going to prevent him from doing that so-

"... Alright" Jim finally let up, noting how reluctant Spock was to leave, "You can continue working till lunch time. But if this gets any worse, you're going straight to med-bay, alright?"

He quickly nodded in agreement, and turned back to his station, missing the concerned frown Jim sent Uhura as he returned to his chair.

* * *

By 12:50, it was safe to say that Spock's productivity levels had dropped below 25%. With only 10 minutes left until lunch, he was throwing his back into it, pushing away his chesty cough, ignoring his sweaty palms, and blocking out his painstaking headache.

However, despite all his best efforts, he had to admit that the moment Kirk stood up and told everyone to take a break, his shoulders sagged in relief.

And Jim noticed it too.

* * *

"Spock?"

"Yes captain?"

"Med bay. Now".

He gave a silent sigh, "... Can I-"

"No" Jim cut off, smirking fondly at him, "Even if you weren't very sick, which you are, those cute little sniffles and high-pitched sneezes of yours are too adorable to ignore, and as a result, everyone else's progress has been reduced as well".

He blushed, embarrassed.

Well, he couldn't argue with that.

Jim alone had reduced his productivity levels by almost 57% within the last three hours.

"Come on" Jim said, smiling, "I'll walk down with you".

* * *

"Coughing? Sniffing? Sneezing?"

"Yep" Jim said, gently pushing Spock down on the hospital bed.

Bones sighed and scanned his tricorder over the reluctant Vulcan.

"What about temperature?" He asked again, "You feeling warm, cold, both, what?"

"Cold" Spock admitted, "Colder than usual".

"Than usual?" Jim frowned, "You always feel cold onboard?"

He shifted uncomfortably on the side of the bed, "Well... Vulcan is a desert planet. We have... very high temperatures there".

"Then why the hell didn't you say something?!" Bones snapped, walking over to the door and tapping the temperature controller next to it.

Within a few seconds, the air conditioning had been shut off, and heat began to spread around the room, enough to make Jim loosen the collar of his shirt and Bones to run a hand across his forehead.

"There" He said, returning to stand in front of the Vulcan, "Is that better?"

He paused, then opened his mouth, "... Yes, doctor, that is-

"Don't lie to me Spock".

Silence.

"... No" He said quietly, shivering, "The temperature is that of accordance with Vulcan daily average this time of year, but I find myself..."

"Still cold" Bones finished, "Well, you've definitely contracted something".

"How, though?" Jim asked, "I mean, we weren't anywhere different except..."

He trailed off.

McCoy nodded, "Except the Orion planet. The planet with an average temperature of -7 degrees Celsius. When the _lowest_ temperatures on Vulcan are _at least_ 10 degrees higher than that. So no, Jim, I have absolutely no idea how this hot blooded Vulcan, from Vulcan, managed to get a cold on a freezing planet, do you?"

Silence.

Spock gave an excruciatingly painful cough, and felt something wet on his lips.

Bones sharply turned to him and stared.

"... That's not a cold".

* * *

"Shirt off. Now" Bones commanded, abruptly turning on the spot and rushing over to a stack of drawers, returning a moment later with a stethoscope and a pack of hypos.

Spock awkwardly pulled off his Starfleet jumper, ignoring Jim's wince at the sight of stitches and gauze.

Placing the end of the stethoscope against the Vulcan's chest, he listened intently.

Spock shivered.

Bones glanced up at him, "Breathe in".

He inhaled.

"... And out".

He exhaled.

McCoy dropped the stethoscope and took a step back, frowning, "Your lungs are... crackling".

"Crackling?" Jim asked, confused, "What do you mean crackling?"

Bones ignored him, and instead, gestured towards a machine pressed against the wall, "Come on, I'll take an x-ray just to be sure".

"Sure of what?" Kirk asked, annoyed, but neither men answered him, Spock just as lost, and Bones fearing the worst.

* * *

A few beeps and whirring noises later, and Bones was holding up an x-ray to the light and swearing.

* * *

"What is it?" Jim asked, and the doctor turned to him, before pointing at the sheet, "You see that cloudy area?"

They nodded.

"Well... That's pneumonia".

"Pneumonia?!" Kirk exclaimed.

"Pneumonia" He repeated, "Not a serious case, don't worry, but more than enough to cause discomfort".

Spock frowned as he sat back up on the hospital bed.

He wasn't expecting it to be so bad.

Jim turned to him, shock written all over his face as Bones rooted through his medical drawers for medication.

Placing a hand on Spock's shoulder, Kirk stared down at him, concern in his eyes, "Why didn't you tell me it was this bad?"

The Vulcan unconsciously leant into the touch, eyes closing in contentment.

"I did not know I was this ill" He admitted quietly, as the doctor returned.

Bones stared at the sight in front of him, the corner of his mouth twitching up, "Doctor's orders, Spock. I'm prescribing you three things and I expect you to use them religiously. Are we clear?"

He nodded absentmindedly, still in awe by the human's warmth.

"Good" McCoy smirked, and Jim glanced over at him, "Well? What does he need to get better?"

"Simple" He replied, "Bed rest, hot food, and you".


	17. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

Jim literally felt as if his heart was about to burst.

Once he had gotten over the initial confusion about Bones prescribing _him_ to help Spock get better, and once the doctor had explained his medical reasons for doing so- _"You're always complaining about the heat, Jim. I swear, your body is like a damn furnace, and that's exactly what the hobgoblin needs right now"_ -and after he had most definitely seen that mischievous gleam in McCoy's eyes that told him the real story- _"If you're too chicken to advance your relationship with him then I'll just have to instead"_ -he had quickly led Spock back to his room under the orders of bedrest, and had handed the Vulcan a thick creamy bowl of Plomeek soup that he may or may not have possibly programmed into the food replicator himself.

And now he was sitting across from the Vulcan, who was currently all curled up on his bed with a thick duvet wrapped around him, only his nose and two hands sticking out in order to eat.

* * *

And _It. Was. Adorable._

* * *

He couldn't help but grin at the sight as Spock practically inhaled the homemade dish, still shivering occasionally, despite the million blankets and insanely high temperature setting. Jim even had to remove his jumper, it was so warm, and now just his white undershirt and black uniform trousers remained.

 _It's worth it though_ , he thought firmly, _anything to help Spock get better will always be worth it._

It really was sickening how much he'd do for the Vulcan.

* * *

An hour later, and Spock was curled up on his bed in a little cocoon of blankets and quilts, _still shivering._

Jim frowned at the sight, and wiped the sweat from his forehead.

Bones had warned him about this.

It would take a lot more than a few hours of heat to shake off the pneumonia, despite the hot foods and medicine the Vulcan regularly ingested.

And speaking of the doctor...

* * *

Jim turned as the door to Spock's quarters * _whooshed*_ open.

Stepping into the wave of heat, his usually grumpy features softened, his scowl being replaced with a small smile once he saw the Vulcan.

He silently walked over to Jim, voice quiet, "Is he sleeping?"

"Negative, doctor".

They glanced over at the bundle on the bed, only to find two dark eyes staring back at them amongst the mass of sheets and pillows.

"And why not?" Bones asked, taking a few steps closer to him.

"I am... cold" He admitted.

McCoy frowned and turned back to Jim, "Did you turn up the temperature here?"

He stared at him, then gestured down at himself, "Do I look like I'm enjoying this heat?"

"Spock? Is the temperature in here alright for you?"

The Vulcan nodded, voice muffled by the duvet, "It is consistent with my planets daily average, doctor".

"But you're still cold" Bones muttered, thinking deeply.

His gaze drifted back to Jim, and he stared at him for a minute, a strange look on his face.

He looked back at Spock, whose eyes were once again closed as a painful cough racked his body, then back at Jim, then at Spock, then at Jim, then at Spock, and then, finally, back at Jim.

The captain rose his eyebrows in a silent question.

The doctor nodded towards the bed.

Jim frowned.

Bones gestured with his hands, determined.

Kirk held his up hands, confused.

McCoy sighed, and marched forwards, whispering in his ear too low for the Vulcan to hear, "Get into bed with him".

* * *

He choked.

* * *

"What?!"

"Keep your voice down!" Bones hissed, "I said, get into-"

"I heard you!" He snapped, "So just what the hell are you on?!"

"I am not on drugs, dammit!"

"Well you sure sound like it!"

"... Jim?"

They both spun around only to find Spock sitting up in bed, eyes confused and wary.

"Jim?" He repeated.

Bones turned back to the captain, "It'll help him. Just remember that".

Kirk watched him spin on his heel and walk out, before slowly turning back to the Vulcan.

Spock frowned slightly, obviously uneasy at the sudden argument between the two men.

Jim slowly walked over towards him and sat down on the edge of the bed, "... Yea Spock?"

"... Why are you and Bones fighting?"

He sighed, "Because... Because he wants me to do something that'll help you... But I don't think it'd be a good idea".

He straightened up, frown deepening, "Why not?"

"Because... Because you-"

He stopped.

_Because what?_

"Bones wants me to... _cuddle_ you, for lack of a better word".

Silence.

"... And you don't want to?"

"What?! No!" He spun around to face him, only to find the most heart-breaking look on his face.

And without thinking, he flung himself at the Vulcan.

* * *

Spock immediately tensed up, and Jim froze.

"... Is this okay?"

The Vulcan remained motionless.

"Spock?"

Nothing.

Jim immediately pulled away, only to find the man staring back at him with wide eyes.

" _Spock?!_ "

He blinked, "You... You were worried about me".

Kirk frowned, "What do you- Oh".

"You didn't agree with the doctor because... because you were worried about what _I'd_ do".

"Well... Yea".

"... Then yes".

"What?"

"Yes" He repeated, "I'll... cuddle".

Jim's grin seemed to split his face in two.

"Seriously?"

"... Yes" He said shyly, the tips of his ears flushing green.

The captain's smile brightened, "Well, alright then... Let's just... Manoeuvre ourselves... Here, lie back down".

Spock did so nervously, lying on his side amongst the mass of pillows, and Jim cautiously did the same, kicking off his shoes as he pulled the main quilt back over them.

Moving slowly so as to give the Vulcan plenty of time to back out, he placed him arm around the man's waist and pulled him back closer against his chest.

* * *

"Is this... Is this okay?" He asked quietly, his breath gently ruffling up ebony hair.

"This is... sufficient" Spock finally replied, "You are... quite warm".

Jim smirked, "Yea, I know I'm pretty hot".

To his surprise, the Vulcan huffed a laugh, and his grin widened.

"Goodnight Spock".

Silence.

And then.

"... Goodnight Jim".


	18. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I've got another _Star Trek fanfic_ lined up, where everyone'as a mutant and Pike runs a school to train them kinda like Professor X in the X-Men, and Jim's a very powerful sarcastic brat who may or may not have burned his house down and gone on the run for two years, and now he's starting at Pike's 'Starfleet Academy' with a truck ton of bent up emotions and issues, but here's the thing- **Should it be Jim/Spock or Jim/Spock/Bones?** Thoughts?
> 
>  
> 
> _  
>  Rachel :/  
>  _
> 
> * * *

**Chapter 17**

Jim had to admit, waking up sprawled across Spock's bed in a mass of twisted limbs with the Vulcan himself clinging onto him like a limpet?

_Best. Morning. Ever!_

Grinning at the sight they presented, he stared down at the sleep ruffled Vulcan in awe, committing this moment to memory.

Spock was clung to him, arms wrapped around his chest, face buried in his neck, and hair ruffled. One leg was draped around Jim's waist, the other tangled up with his own, and it didn't seem like he'd be letting go anytime soon.

Not that he was complaining, of course.

Smiling, Jim gently untangled one of his arms from Spock's grasp, and softly petted the sleep-mused hair.

The Vulcan purred happily and leant into the touch.

Smile slowly widening to a grin, Kirk continued to pet him, distantly wondering which one of them had kicked the quilt off during the night.

 _Probably me_ , he mused, taking into account the pure _heat_ his companion was emitting.

Spock only snuggled into the warm embrace further, and the Captain couldn't help but pull him even closer.

Chin resting on the Vulcan's head, he lowered his hand to Spock's back, and, once more drowsy and content, closed his eyes.

He was asleep in seconds.

* * *

When Jim next woke, it was to find two dark walnut-brown eyes staring back at him.

He refused to flinch back in surprise, and instead, took a slow breath to calm his racing heart.

Spock merely blinked in response, head a mere three inches from his own.

Jim swallowed thickly, "... Moring Spock".

His voice was rough from sleep, and the Vulcan tilted his head to side, seeming curious about it.

The Captain frowned, "Spock? You okay? You feeling any better?"

He stared back in silence.

Feeling the icy grips of worry start to grab at his stomach, Jim slowly straightened up, placing an elbow on the pillow to support him.

"Spock? Are you alright?"

The Vulcan frowned, "... You stayed".

It sounded more like a question.

Jim frowned back at him, "I stayed? Of course I stayed. I said I would, didn't I?"

He blinked once more, in silence.

The blonde felt something sick twist in his stomach at the thought of why.

"Did you sleep well?" He asked instead, pushing away _those_ thoughts.

Spock nodded, "Very well. Better, perhaps, than any other night since I've been here. You are... quite warm".

He grinned, "Thanks. So are you".

The Vulcan's cheeks dusted green, and he sat up to try and hide it, looking around his room to distract himself.

"... We appear to have lost the duvet".

Jim nodded, also sitting up, "I know. Sorry. That was probably me. I'm a kicker".

"A... kicker?"

"When I sleep" He clarified, turning to him, "I tend to kick things. Some people talk in their sleep, I kick. So. You know. Sorry bout that".

"... You did not kick me last night".

"You sure? Cause I probably did at least once".

Spock slowly shook his head, "No, you did not. I am a light sleeper, even when overcome with illness. I would have woken had you accidently kicked. Instead, I find myself the most well rested in... in a long time".

"... Oh".

He didn't know what else to say.

"... I believe Doctor McCoy mentioned something about a check-up the minute I woke. Unfortunately, I am not able to walk to the Medical Bay in less than a minute, so I fear I'm already late".

Jim couldn't help but smile, "Don't worry about it. I'm sure he didn't mean that _exact_ minute".

Spock turned to him, face solemn, "I'm afraid you're mistaken, Captain. He was quite adamant on the matter".

He reluctantly stood up, still smirking, "Well alright then, we best not keep him waiting any longer at that rate".

* * *

"Bones!"

The man groaned and turned around, "What do you want, Jim? Cause I'm really not in the mood- Spock?"

He gave a small smile.

The doctor frowned, "Why are you here? Is something wrong?"

"You told him to visit" Jim explained, "The _very minute_ that he woke up".

"... Ah".

"Yea. Apparently, that means literally to Vulcans. No surprise there" He finished, "So, you know, here we are".

"Right, well, no time like the present, I guess" Bones muttered, turning to Spock, "Come on, you're sure looking better, but I'll do a few tests, obviously, to find out for certain".

Leading him over to the same machine as he did almost a month before, he hit a few buttons before wandering back over to Jim, out of the Vulcan's hearing range.

"So how did it go?"

"How did what go?"

"The night! The morning! Waking up! What happened?"

"You mean asides from him being genuinely in shock when he realised I was still there?"

Bones sharply turned to him, but Jim kept his gaze pointed straight ahead.

"... I'll fucking kill him, you know" He finally said, "If I ever meet him".

The doctor swallowed thickly and turned back to the oblivious Vulcan staring at the blinking lights, "... Get in line, kid".

* * *

Half an hour later, and he was frowning at the chart in his hands.

"Bones?"

He glanced over at Jim before turning back to Spock, "You been eating right?"

"Of course, doctor".

"Everything on your eating plan?"

"Everything" He replied honestly, meeting his gaze firmly.

Bones growled under his breath and turned back to the chart, "And you didn't hit any of those buttons? When the machine was scanning you?"

"As I have limited knowledge on what those buttons would do should I press them, I thought it foolish to do so".

McCoy swore and Jim took a hesitant step forward, "Bones? What's wrong?"

"What's wrong is that these scans are all over the place!" He snapped, "The pneumonia isn't completely gone, but it's as good as. Another two or three days and he'll back on bridge. The stitches has safely been removed, the bandages taken off, and both his shoulder and leg are as good as new".

"So what's the problem?"

"The problem" He continued, exasperated, "Is that I couldn't have asked for a better patient. He's telling the truth, he's been eating properly, he's a healthy-ish weight, no longer border-line anorexic, you can hardly see his ribs anymore, but these charts are telling me the opposite!"

* * *

Spock tensed.

Bones noticed.

The doctor narrowed his eyes at him.

* * *

"Unless, of course, the original measurements were wrong".

* * *

"Wrong?" Jim asked confused, stepping closer to look over his shoulder at the paper, "What do you mean wrong?"

"I mean this test, this eating plan, it's all based on five things. Species, gender, age, height, and weight. So for it to go wrong, one of _those_ must be wrong".

Jim looked over at a somewhat pale looking Spock and frowned, "Well he's only half Vulcan, did you account for that?"

"Of course I did! I'm a doctor, dammit!" He snapped, "We know his species, his gender would have been bloody hard to hide at this stage, and I calculated his height and weight myself!"

"... Which leaves only age" He said hollowly, and Bones nodded, eyeing up his patient carefully, "Exactly. That's the only thing I can't account for myself".

Jim turned to him, "Spock?"

Internally, the Vulcan screamed.

_They can't know they can't know they can't find out they just can't-_

"Spock?"

_-they'll send me away they'll send me back they'll have to send me back they don't know-_

"Spock?!"

_-they can't know I can't tell them I don't want to go back I don't want to go back_ _**I don't want to go back-** _

" _SPOCK!_ "

* * *

And suddenly, concerned hazel eyes were staring into his own.

* * *

Jim worriedly searched his gaze for any hint of panic.

The second they had glazed over, he knew what was happening.

And he knew he had to snap him out of it.

Placing both hands on the Vulcan's shoulders, he pulled him into a tight hug.

From behind him, Bones took a startled step forwards, "Jim! Don't-"

* * *

Spock blinked, breathing in the human's scent.

It was warm, thickened by the heat of the med bay, and smelt like pine cones and wood and rain and campfires and _safe_.

He slowly turned so his head was pressed against the captain's neck and took a deep breath, calming his racing heart.

* * *

Staying still for a few minutes, Jim waited until the Vulcan had relaxed in his arms before cautiously pulling back.

"You with me?"

Spock blinked but carefully nodded.

Jim smiled in response, "Good. Alright. Will you... tell me the truth?"

He tensed once more, and the man quickly backtracked.

"No, no, Spock, it's okay, everything's okay!" He said quickly, "You won't get in trouble, I swear! No one's going to give out to you for lying, I won't let them... But you need to tell us the truth now, okay? Whatever your reasons were for lying, it's okay, you don't have to say them. We just need to know your age, so Bones can adjust your eating plan. It's damaging your health otherwise".

He swallowed, hands wringing together nervously.

"Well?" Bones asked, voice uncharacteristically soft.

Spock took a half step back, then stopped.

"I..."

"Yes?"

"I'm..." He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and steeled himself for their response.

"I'm... I'm seventeen".


	19. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The **Star Trek X-Men AU** is officially published and is called **"Matches"** if you guys want to check it out!
> 
> Rachel :)
> 
> * * *

**Chapter 18**

"Well?" Bones asked, voice uncharacteristically soft.

Spock took a half step back, then stopped.

"I..."

"Yes?"

"I'm..." He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and steeled himself for their response.

"I'm... I'm seventeen".

Silence.

"... You're _what?_ "

Bones voice was hard, cold, unforgiving, and Spock flinched, the only thing preventing him from running being Jim's hand on his wrist, the blonde having reached out the second he answered them.

"You're only _17?!_ "

"Bones-"

"No, Jim, shut up! How the hell are you- is _he_ \- is- is- _what the fuck?!_ "

Spock's gaze fell to the floor where he actively began trying to shove down the tears.

"Bones! It's-"

"It's 17, Jim, _17!_ "

"I KNOW!"

* * *

The sudden yell quickly shut the doctor up.

* * *

"I know, Bones, he just told us" He repeated, more quietly this time, hand still tightly bound around Spock's arm.

McCoy stared at him, "... He's underaged".

"I know".

"A minor".

"I know".

"He's still a child, dammit!"

" _I know_ " Kirk said with finality, "Now think why he didn't tell us".

The doctor paused, confused, "Why he didn't tell us- What do you mean _why?_ "

"Why, Bones? Why would he lie by telling us he's 21? Lie by telling us he's an adult? _Why?_ "

"Because... Because..."

* * *

Realisation suddenly dawned on him, and his eyes widened.

* * *

"Because then _we_ would think he's an _adult_ ".

"Exactly" Jim said quietly, before turning back to the Vulcan, "... You were scared we'd send you back, weren't you?"

The teen kept his eyes on the warm hand surrounding his wrist, but gave a small nod, " _I_... _I don't want to go back_ ".

"Oh _Spock_..."

That was the only warning he got before he was pulled into a tight hug once more, the captain fiercely holding onto him, seeming to never want to let go.

Not that the Vulcan would disagree with that, of course, as his senses were once more flooded with the man's comforting warm scent.

"We're never sending you back, do you hear me?" Jim whispered, " _Never_ , okay? They'll have to kill me first!"

* * *

_But that's what Spock was afraid of._

* * *

An hour later, after the doctor was done cursing (not at him, it turned out, but at the thought of him thinking that he _had_ to lie to them), Bones redid his eating plan, gave him a few hypo's to balance out the extra nutrients that he _should_ have been getting, and had removed all stitches, gauze, and bandages.

Spock felt like a huge weight had lifted off his shoulders as he exited the infirmary.

Jim quickly told control of where they were going, and had pulled him along by the hand through the many hallways of the Starship until they finally entered a room that the Vulcan knew better than the back of his hand.

Staring at the sterile equipment and white counters, he blinked in surprise.

"... The laboratory, Captain?"

"The laboratory, Spock" Jim grinned, "Since Bones has cleared you for active duty, you can go back to experimenting again".

"I wasn't _experimenting_ -"

"Creating scientific masterpieces then!" He corrected, "The point is, you can return working here. So, go on! Be free, my little Vulcan!"

Spock was smart enough to realise the man had said 'my little Vulcan' in jest, but his heart warmed at the term of endearment all the same.

He took a step forwards, then glanced back at the human, unsure.

Jim gestured for him to go further in, but the Vulcan hesitated.

The captain frowned, "Spock? You alright?"

He stared at the blonde, at his half-smile, his wide hazel eyes, the way his cheeks were flushed enticingly in the hot room set at a Vulcan temperature.

"... Do you truly not care that I lied?"

The man sighed, "I thought you might ask that..."

* * *

Glancing around, he pointed at the nearest lab desk with two stools, and the younger man cautiously followed him over to it, taking the seat directly across from the captain.

Jim thought for a minute, "... I understand why you did it, why you lied. And while lying is bad, yes, it's not something... I mean, when you have a... a legitimate reason, as such, then... You shouldn't get in trouble for it".

Spock waited, somewhat confused, for him to continue.

"By lying, you thought you were protecting yourself, protecting your life... And so, while I am upset that you didn't trust us, I understand, and I... I don't blame you for it".

The Vulcan slowly nodded, finding the human's thought process logical, and therefore plausible.

Jim gave him a small smile, "Just promise me one thing, though?"

"Anything" He said immediately, meaning it too.

"Just... Just promise me you won't lie to me anymore?"

At his slightly panicked response, the blonde quickly clarified.

"I don't mean you have to tell me things you don't want to" He reassured, "I just mean... Don't lie to me. If I ask you something, and you don't want to answer, then you don't have to... But don't... don't lie to me about it, okay?"

Spock studied him carefully, finding no hint of deceit or trickery in the blonde's eyes.

He found himself smiling in response.

"Okay, Jim. I... I promise".

And the grin he got back in return, was well worth it.


	20. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And finally, _some action!_
> 
> _**Anything you guys want to see next**_?
> 
> Rachel :)
> 
> * * *

**Chapter 19**

"Spock!"

The Vulcan turned to the door as it slid open and a grinning Jim kirk waltzed in, and he couldn't help but smile in return. The blonde held up his hand, revealing an old-fashioned woven basket, similar to those found on Earth in the 20th and 21th centuries.

Spock frowned at the odd-looking contraption, wondering what the human was doing with it.

"Come on, it's lunch time!"

He turned back to the experiment in front of him and stared at him mournfully.

Jim rolled his eyes at him, "Half an hour, Spock. That's all I'm asking".

Well he didn't want to disappoint the blonde...

Or face Bones wrath at skipping a meal for that matter either.

Reluctantly lowering his iodine dropped, he peeled off the gloves at turned to him.

He came to an abrupt stop as he saw the man now sitting on the floor on what appeared to be a red and white woollen _blanket_.

* * *

He frowned, his voice unsure, "Jim...?"

The blonde looked back at him and smiled, "We're having a picnic!"

"A... picnic?"

"Yea! It's an old earth tradition" He explained, "Usually done outside, though for obvious reasons, we can't exactly do that... So we'll have one here!"

And to the Vulcan's amazement, the woven basket opened to reveal _food_.

Slowly walking up, he sat down cross-legged on the blanket, feeling the soft warm material in wonder.

"... Where did you find these items?"

Jim glanced up from where he was taking out cutlery from the basket, "Oh, they're actually mine. My mother used to... take me and my brother on picnics, when we were younger. There was this lovely little stream near out house, and we used to sit there and eat ham and cheese sandwiches while we laughed and talked and..."

He slowly trailed off.

"Anyway, that doesn't matter. What _does_ matter, is you getting enough food to keep some skin on those bones. Doctor's orders".

Despite the sudden change of topic, Spock was smart enough to notice the nostalgic gleam that remained in the man's eyes.

"... Thank you" He said sincerely, "For... For sharing this with me".

Jim avoided his gaze but smiled back all the same, "No problem. I just thought you might this old earth tradition, that's all... Now come on, start eating up, I brought some of that Plomeek soup you like!"

And as Spock obediently took the warm bowl from the blonde's hands, he couldn't help but wonder just how many sides of James T. Kirk he had yet to see.

* * *

"-and that's when I realised we'd be best friends!" Jim finished, grinning, recalling the tale of how he had met Doctor Leonard McCoy.

"Because he offered you alcohol?" Spock asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Partly. But he was probably the only other guy on that shuttle that didn't want to fully be there".

"And yet here you are, three years later, as a Starfleet captain".

"Well... Not _legally_ a Starfleet captain, but... technically, yea. And Bones is my Chief Medical Officer" He replied, "Kind of ironic, huh?"

"I believe that is the term for it, yes" The Vulcan replied, and Jim gave him a fond look, making the tips of his ears flush green as he ducked his head.

"Spock..."

He cautiously looked up from under long lashes, and the blonde smiled softly, hand coming up to rest on the younger man's cheek.

And to his surprise, the Vulcan lent into the touch, eyes closing contently at the heat that radiated off of the human.

"... You're really something, you know that?"

Curious walnut-brown eyes flickered open again, as Spock's head tilted slightly to the side, confused.

Jim couldn't help but find the action strangely _adorable_ , with the Vulcan's wide eyes and a green flush on his cheeks, and the way he just craved attention, craved contact, craved _him_ the same way the human craved Spock in return and-

* * *

-and before he knew what he was doing, he had lent in.

* * *

Spock's lips were soft, softer than Jim had expected, and barely almost _cautiously_ moved against his own. He tasted nice too, like mint and Plomeek soup with just the barest hint of iodine and glucose and whatever other chemicals he had just been using, and the blonde easily lost himself in the warm, languid, sensations.

* * *

And then Spock suddenly stilled.

* * *

Jim froze, everything rushing up to him all at once, of what he just did, the _implications_ of what he just did, all crashing into him and swallowing his every move and every thought with _holy fucking shit what the fuck did I just do?!_

He leaped back as if burned.

Spock sat in front of him, strangely still, eyes wide and mouth still open, glistening lips parted in a symbol of shock.

* * *

They stared at each other silently for a few minutes, before Jim abruptly stumbled to his feet, "Spock, I... I don't want to... I mean I never... I didn't mean to- to- to..."

He slowly trailed off as the Vulcan also slowly stood up, seeming more dazed than annoyed.

And that was a good sign, wasn't it?

* * *

Spock blinked at the human standing in front of him, the blanket soft beneath his feet, the basket still open, plates still full, and food still laid out on the ground below him.

His head was oddly fuzzy.

Jim had kissed him.

Jim had just _kissed_ _him_.

"I..."

* * *

And it was actually _nice_ and _warm_ and _painless_ and _I don't understand?!_

* * *

"I..." He tried again, "I just... What... What did you..."

He wasn't sure what he was trying to say.

"I'm sorry" Jim blurted out, and the Vulcan frowned, "You're... sorry? Why are you... sorry?"

"Because I... I just... I just kissed you" He said, equally confused, "And I... I know you like physical contact and hugs and everything, but I didn't... I don't know if this was too much or not and I honestly didn't mean to do it and-"

"You didn't mean to kiss me?"

* * *

Spock's heart sunk and his eyes burned.

* * *

"No!" Jim exclaimed, "I swear I didn't!"

His blood felt like ice, and there was a strange rushing in his ears as he slowly nodded, "Okay. I... I think I need to go".

"Go? What do you mean go? Go where? Spock?!"

He ignored the human calling after him, and walked as fast from the room as his hurt pride would allow.

* * *

The second he turned the corner, he _ran_ , tears falling from tightly _closed_ eyes, pain and anguish and _hurt_ clawing at his heart his throat _his_ _mind_ threatening to _consume_ him and _burn_ him to the ground because _Jim didn't fucking care_ and Spock was perfectly _(not)_ okay with that.


	21. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

Uhura glanced up at the door was opened, and McCoy cautiously stepped in, glancing around the room warily.

"No one else here?" He asked once he saw her, and she shook her head, "Everyone's either in their rooms or on the bridge. You spoke to him?"

"Yea. You spoke to your guy?"

She nodded, gesturing at the seat in front of her.

Bones walked over and took it, "They've been avoiding each other for a full week now. Everyone's noticed".

"That's why we spoke to them" She replied, "Did he tell you anything?"

"Oh yea" Bones replied, "And a big thing too. What about you?"

Nyota examined her nails, "Perhaps... On three?"

"On three" He replied, "One... Two... Three".

* * *

"Jim kissed Spock".

"Jim kissed Spock".

* * *

They both stopped, and smirked at each other.

"Glad we're on the same page then" Uhura said, "And I think we can safely say it's Jim's fault".

"Isn't it always?" Bones grumbled, "The question is, what do we do about it?"

"Well... According to Spock, Jim regrets he ever did it".

The man blinked, surprised, "... And according to Jim, it was _Spock_ who ran away".

"Because Kirk told him he never meant to kiss him!"

"Because he was worried he had overstepped the line!"

They stared at each other.

Bones swore.

"Well fuck".

* * *

"Wait, so... so Jim thinks _Spock_ didn't want to kiss him, but Spock thinks _Jim_ didn't want to kiss him?"

"Looks like it" the Doctor replied, rubbing a hand over his face, "Can't do anything the easy way, can they?"

"So... now what?"

"What exactly did Spock tell you?"

"What did Jim tell _you?_ "

"I asked you first".

"First is the worst, second is the best".

"Are you seriously bringing old Earth _playground_ games into this?"

"Yep" She finished satisfyingly, "So spill".

* * *

McCoy sighed, "... Spock doesn't have the best background".

"I noticed".

"And when he first got here, he... flinched. A lot. He was almost _scared_ of physical contact".

"And?"

"And despite the fact he's after getting a lot better with it... Jim thought he pushed him too far. That by kissing him, he stepped over the line. He thought Spock freaked because of it".

"... So Jim's worried that Spock didn't _want_ to be kissed?"

"Basically, yea" He replied, "And the Hobgoblin?"

"You know how literally Vulcan's take things".

"I do. And-?"

"And when Jim told him that he didn't mean to kiss him... He thought it was because _Jim_ didn't mean to kiss him".

"As in he thought Jim didn't _want_ to kiss him?"

"Exactly. Spock believes that Jim did it accidently".

"How can you _accidently_ kiss someone?"

She stared at him, "... I don't know much about his past, Bones. But from what I do? I'm pretty sure he's never been kissed willingly before".

"You think...?"

"You're his doctor, you tell me" Uhura replied, "From what I understand, his fiancé was a right bastard. And Spock wasn't exactly with him out of choice".

McCoy leant back in his chair and swore once again.

"... So the damn Hobgoblin doesn't realise that it's a sign of affection. Of love. He thinks..."

"He thinks it's meant to be painful, to be forced... He doesn't understand why he _liked_ it".

" _Fuck_ " Bones repeated, "... What are we going to do?"

"Well I would say lock them in a room together until they sort their problems out, but Jim's a stubborn bastard, and Spock's a Vulcan, therefore capable of unending patience... They'd both probably die of starvation before talking to each other".

"And if we swap?"

"Swap?" Uhura frowned, "What do you mean?"

"As in you take Jim and I'll take Spock" He explained, "We visit them again, just like we did an hour ago. Except this time, you tell Jim how Spock feels, and I'll tell Spock how Jim feels".

"As in speak to the other one _for_ the other one?"

"Exactly, since they're not speaking. They're awkwardly avoiding each other, and literally _everyone_ has noticed the tense atmosphere. I'm sick of it already".

"So we do their jobs for them" Nyota finished, slowly nodding, "Alright, I'm on board. Is Jim still in his room?"

"You mean is he sulking like a teenager with an enormous crush? Yea" Bones replied, "And Spock?"

"The labs. Obviously".

"Obviously" He responded, standing up, "Meet you back here in... shall we say... an hour?"

"I might need a little more than that to get it through his thick skull that Spock likes him back, but... Yea. Sure. One hour. See you then".

"See you then" McCoy finished, heading for the door.

Uhura watched him go before sighing and reluctantly standing up.

* * *

Those boys were going to be the death of her.


	22. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

Stepping into the Captains quarters, Uhura marched over to the small table and sat down across from the surprised looking blonde.

Jim stared at her, "... What is it with people bursting into my room unannounced these days?"

"What is it with our Captain and Second-in-Command ignoring each other these days?"

"... Touché".

He turned back to the chess board and moved a rook.

Nyota followed his gaze, "You know, it'd be a lot easier to play if you had a partner".

"You offering?"

"No. But I know a certain Vulcan who has quite the knack for it".

Jim sighed, "We're not-"

"Talking, yea, I know. And I know why too".

"Because I overstepped the line and scared the best thing that ever happened to me away?"

She blinked at him, "No. Because you're both idiots".

"... What?"

Uhura glared, folding her arms across her chest, "You. And Spock. Are both. _Idiots!_ "

"... I don't understand-"

"Because you're idiots!" She snapped, "Spock didn't run away because you overstepped the line, he ran away because _you told him you regretted kissing him!_ "

"Yea! Because I-"

His eyes widened in realisation.

"... Oh".

"Yea. _Oh_ " She replied, "Because what species are extremely logical and therefore take everything literally?"

"Vulcans" He whispered, "So Spock... Spock thinks I... that I-"

"That you _literally_ didn't mean to kiss him. That you regret it".

"When in reality-"

"When in reality you thought you pushed the physical boundary too far, causing him to freak, and he thought you didn't mean to kiss him at all" Uhura finished quietly.

"... I've been such an idiot" He finally groaned, his head falling into his hands, and she rolled her eyes at him, "Well, duh! That's what I've been telling you!"

He swore under his breath and slowly raised his head once more to stare across at her with worried hazel eyes.

"... What do I do?"

"You apologise, you ass!" She snapped, and he jerkily nodded, stumbling to his feet, "I- I have to... Yes, yes, I'll do that. I'll go and... I'll go and do that right now-"

She caught his arm as he passed, "Jim..."

He paused, "... Nyota?"

She sighed, "Just... Just be careful, alright? He's... fragile".

"Because of his past?"

He frowned, "Because of his emotions".

"He's half Vulcan".

"And half _human_ " She shot back, "... And as far as I know? He's never been kissed like that before".

"Like _that?_ " He asked, confused, "What's like _that?_ "

Uhura gazed up at him solemnly, "... Lovingly".

* * *

Spock glanced up as there was a knock on his door, and frowned.

Nyota had only just left, and he had immediately fallen back to meditating to sort out his jumbled thoughts.

That woman was surprisingly good at getting under his skin.

It's what made her such a good communications officer, he guessed.

"Spock?"

He turned his attention back to the door, before standing up on long legs and walking over, hitting the button to open it, surprised when he was greeted with the scowling face of Leonard McCoy.

"... Dr McCoy? Did I miss an appointment?"

 _Impossible_.

"No, Spock, you're not due in Med Bay for another few days".

 _Obviously_.

"Then may I enquire as to why you are visiting me?"

Bones rolled his eyes at him, "It's about Jim, Spock. Are you going to let me in?"

He tensed up for a moment before forcing himself to relax, and he stepped aside for the doctor to enter the room.

Walking back over to his meditating mat, he silently and efficiently re-rolled it, placing it inside one of the drawers in his wardrobe before turning to face the man.

Spock gestured at his two-chaired table, "Please, sit".

McCoy did as told, and the Vulcan gracefully sat opposite him.

"You said you wished to speak about... the Captain?" He asked carefully, "Nyota was just-"

"Nyota is now talking to Jim" Bones interrupted, "Just like I'm talking to you. Why do you think he kissed you?"

Spock blinked at him, silently.

The older man sighed, "He _did_ mean to kiss you, you know".

"... The Captain informed me differently-"

"Because he thought he'd pushed you too far" McCoy explained, "It wasn't that he didn't _want_ to, it was that he thought _you_ didn't want to".

"... But I-"

He cut himself off.

The doctor lent across the table, chin resting on his hands, elbows leaning on the desk beneath him.

"But you...?"

"... The Captain was incorrect with his assumption".

"And that's exactly what I told him too. And what Uhura has hopefully gotten him to understand... The thing is, Spock, he's not going to believe it from anybody but you".

The Vulcan slowly nodded, "Then I must go to him".

"I agree" Bones replied, a strange gleam in his eyes, "He should be in his room. I suggest you search there first".

* * *

Blindly running through the halls, Jim panted as he skidded around the corner, coming to an abrupt stop as he crashed into someone walking briskly towards him.

Stumbling back, he shook his head before glancing up, wide eyes meeting just as shocked walnut browns as a result.

"Spock, I-"

"Jim, let me-"

They both stopped.

The blonde laughed awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck, while the Vulcan's ears flushed a light green as he ducked his head.

"You can start-"

"Please, go ahead-"

This time, Spock couldn't help but allow his mouth to twitch upwards, and Jim felt his heart warm at the sight.

Clearing his throat, the blonde took a deep breath, "Maybe... Maybe we should go one at a time".

"I agree".

"Do you... Do you want to start?"

The teenager didn't meet his gaze, "I... I wanted to say- to tell you, I mean, I... I wanted to tell you that I-"

* * *

"KAPTAIN! KAPTAIN ZIS IS-"

* * *

The intercom was cut off with a loud wailing noise as the lights started flashing bright red.

Jim immediately swore and took off down the hall.

Spock, confused and unsure and _terrified_ , quickly followed.

* * *

Bursting into the bridge, he found the entire crew was already assembled, even _Scotty_.

And if the Scotsman had willingly left the engine room, then things _had_ to be bad.

The Vulcan stood there, just inside the crew, watching the panic unfold around him, Chekov and Sulu navigating, Bones swearing, Nyota communicating to someone, Scotty bent over the operations deck, and Jim half thrown on his chair, half thrown off his chair, frantically pressing buttons and yelling out orders.

Hearing the turbolift doors * _whoosh_ * close behind him, the blonde looked up, meeting Spock's eyes with a grim expression.

"It's an SOS" He explained, "We're picking up an SOS from the planet below us... They're under attack".


	23. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was meant to update last week but it was my birthday and my parents surprised me with a trip to England and yesterday I went to a friend's 18th and didn't get home till 3am so... yea.
> 
>  
> 
>   
>  _Here's the update!_  
> 
> 
>  
> 
> Rachel :)
> 
> * * *

**Chapter 22**

"It's an SOS" He explained, "We're picking up an SOS from the planet below us... They're under attack".

Spock stared at Jim in shock.

An SOS from the planet below.

The planet was under attack.

And based on the look the blonde was giving him, he fully intended on doing something about it.

* * *

"Uhura, status report!"

"Bajorans, Captain" She replied, "Their capital city is being terrorised by... by Kazon".

"Kazon?" Jim asked surprised, "I didn't think they came this far west".

"Nor did I, but apparently taking over a planet is a worthwhile reason".

"... How many?" He asked again, and she turned her attention back to her earpiece, "... A dozen? Maybe more?"

Jim swore and spun back around in his chair, "... Bones?"

"Humanoid, similar biological make-up, for internal organs at least. Phasers should stun, incapacitate, and kill if necessary".

He nodded, "Sulu? Weapons?"

"Energy based" He replied, "Phasers, beams, shields... Quite similar to ourselves, Captain".

"And as easy to take down?"

"Based on previous Federation interactions... I'd say so".

Jim slowly nodded, thinking, before suddenly jumping up from his seat, "Scotty?"

"Aye Capt'n?"

"... Ready the transporter. Chekov, you got the helm".

"Yes Keptain!"

Spock watched as Scotty left the bridge, and both Jim, Bones, and Sulu left their positions.

Uhura turned to face them, "Three to beam down, sir?"

Kirk nodded, "Tell Kazon we'll-"

"Four".

He didn't know what made him say it.

He didn't regret it.

Jim turned to Spock in surprise, "Four?"

"Four" He repeated firmly.

They all cautiously studied him.

The blonde hesitated, "... Can you fight?"

"Yes".

"... Alright" He said finally, "Nyota? Four to beam down".

* * *

The planet was large, twice the size of Earth and almost three times the size of Vulcan. Around them lay lush green forests, sparkling blue rivers and streams, and rich brown earth.

The only thing that marred the image, were the tied up Bajorans forced to their knees by copper-skinned aliens holding phasers to their heads.

Silently, Jim pressed an identical weapon into Spock's hand.

The Vulcan gave him a quizzical look, but the blonde only shook his head, and set the phaser to stun.

* * *

"Captain?" Sulu whispered, and the younger man assessed the situation.

They had landed strategically behind some bushes, facing the backs of the Kazon, who were a tall red-skinned race with tuffs of brown and black hair sticking up in every direction.

They weren't the worst looking aliens Spock had ever seen, but they were definitely not the best either.

* * *

"I count 16" Jim finally replied, "There's four of us... Four each?"

"Uneven" Bones replied, "The guards look weak, easy to overpower. Tall dark and ugly over there, however... I'd bet my hypo's that he's the leader".

They followed his gaze to the largest of the Kazons, who stood well over six foot tall and weighed more than the four of them put together.

"Fair enough" Kirk said, "We each take out a guard and then charge him?"

"It'd be easier to get him out of the way first" Sulu commented, "All of our phasers should be enough to knock him out. Once he's gone, we take out the rest in the confusion".

"Good plan. All agreed?"

Everyone nodded, Spock curiously studying how well the trio worked together.

"On three" Jim finished, "Three... Two... One... Go!"

* * *

The fight was quick and brutal.

Once the leader had fallen, the remaining Kazon's had frozen in shock, however they had only managed to subdue three of the remaining 15 before they had snapped out of it.

Twelve left meant three each, and for such a successful warrior race, it was tough.

 _Really_ tough.

Ducking under a large muscled arm, Spock drove a vicious punch to the alien's stomach, his Vulcan strength causing the creature to stumble back, just as the second Kazon lunged at him.

The third laid unconscious on the ground between them.

Delivering a strong kick to his knees, he waited until he had buckled to the floor before raising the phaser and pulling the trigger.

A thick arm wrapped around his neck, and he dropped the phaser in shock, memories of similar past experiences darkening the edges of his mind.

Shaking his head to dislodge them, he dug his elbow into the Kazon's stomach before following with a swift knee to the groin, finishing with a sharp pinch to the neck to knock him out the traditional Vulcan way.

Panting, he grabbed his phaser, and spun around to find the others.

* * *

Bones, for all his healing and saving lives, had no problem taking them, and only had one alien left. Sulu still had two remaining but seemed to almost _enjoy_ the fight, grinning manically as he attacked them. And Jim...

Jim looked breath taking.

Hair ruffled from the fight, looking windswept and soft, his eyes alight with the adrenaline and excitement of the chase, and two Kazon's unconscious at his feet, the third about to phasered in three... two... one...

* * *

Watching the alien fall, Jim stood there, chest heaving for breath, before looking up and meeting Spock's eyes.

Kirk gave him a once over, gaze lingering on the gash above his eyebrow, the cut on his cheekbone, and the bruises starting to form around his neck from the Kazon's choking hold.

Jim grinned, walking closer, and Spock couldn't help but smile back.

* * *

That smile fell, however, when he saw the looming shadow rush towards the blonde.

* * *

He froze in horror as the Kazon leader shook off the phasers affect and half-ran half-stumbled at Jim, the human completely unaware as he got closer and closer and _closer_ to the Vulcan.

Everything seemed to slow down as the alien tore the battle axe from its sheath attached to his belt, and took the final few steps to reach the captain, weapon raised high.

Spock barely registered his startled scream as his body ran forward on autopilot.

"JIM!"

The blonde stopped, frowning, worried and confused, before seeing the shadow fall over him.

He spun around in slow motion just as the Kazon's axe came flying down...

* * *

And just as Spock flung himself in the way.

* * *

"NO!"

The alarmed scream seemed muffled to Spock's ears as a white-hot _searing_ pain above his right hip caused his vision to momentarily black out.

He was aware of the sound of a phaser going off, and not just one either, but two... three... _four_ phasers all at once, and then the shadow was gone and the bright sun was warm on his face, reminding him of the glorious heat of his home planet.

His eyes fell shut of their own accord, and only reopened when the beautiful warmth disappeared once more.

Above him, worried swirls of browns and greens stared back at him.

"Spock! Spock, look at me! Just look at me, okay?!"

 _Jim sounds panicked_ , he realised, frowning, _I wonder why..._

"Bones! BONES!"

He flinched back from the loud voice, before suddenly those hazel eyes were being pushed asides and replaced with icy blue.

"Spock? Spock! You need to stay awake!"

Awake?

He didn't feel sleepy.

Why did he have to stay awake?

"Hey! Hey, hey, hey, keep those eyes open!"

There was a sharp tap on his cheek, and he slowly blinked, not having realised that he had closed them.

"Keep him awake!" Bones snapped, hands lightly ghosting over his side, his side that he strangely couldn't feel and that didn't sound too good so maybe he should look down to see-

"No! No. Don't look down" Jim commanded, concerned face looming over his once more, "Look at me, alright? Spock, just look at me".

"Ask him questions".

Was that... Was that Sulu?

"Questions?"

Jim was frowning again.

He didn't like it when Jim frowned.

"It'll help keep him awake" Sulu explained, "Ask him... I don't know, ask him anything!"

The blonde turned back to him, "Spock... Spock what's your favourite book?"

His favourite book?

He didn't know.

There were so many to choose from...

But he didn't want to disappoint Jim.

He _couldn't_ disappoint Jim.

Because then Jim would leave and he'd be alone again, alone and hurt and _alone_ and-

* * *

"Hold him down".

"What?" Jim asked, turning away.

"Hold him down!" Bones snapped, "I have to pull out this axe to move him, we can't risk it moving when we beam onboard".

"Pull it out?!"

"Yes, Jim, pull it out! So hold him down!"

The blonde turned back and placed his hands-on Spock's shoulders, pinning him to the ground, "I... I'm sorry".

 _For what?!_ He wanted to ask, but his throat felt sore and there was a disgusting taste in his mouth from some strange liquid that he didn't drink so _how did it get there?!_

He felt a hand brace his hip, and another on his leg, and _hey_ Sulu was kneeling next to him now and-

* * *

He couldn't hold back the scream that wretched itself from his throat as he suddenly felt his side again as something large and-

_-painful oh so painful too painful to fucking deal with-_

-was torn from it, his mind darkening and his eyes blackening and the last thing he remembered was Bones hands pressing down on the _bloody_ wound and Jim calling shouting _screaming_ his name and Sulu with an open communicator yelling at Uhura Chekov Scotty _anyone_ to beam them up now because _I don't know if he's going to make it_ before-

* * *

Nothing.


	24. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

"I... I'm sorry" Jim whispered, firmly planting his hands on Spock's shoulders, pinning him in place.

The Vulcan looked confused, like he wanted to say something but couldn't get the words out, and Jim's heart pounded in his ears at the thought of maybe he can speak maybe it isn't as bad as it looks maybe he'll be okay and those glassy brown eyes aren't full of pain and fear and-

-and then Sulu held his legs in place and Bones pressed down on his hip with his left hand and used his right to firmly grasp the axe with his mouth set in a grim line as he paused and took a breath and then _pulled_.

The terrified, pained, _inhuman_ scream shook Jim to the core as the young Vulcan beneath him surged up against his grip, voice breaking and blood pouring from his mouth and he was only vaguely aware of shouting Spock's name before all of a sudden-

* * *

It stopped.

* * *

Jim froze as the body went limp beneath him.

"... Spock?"

Silence.

"Spock!"

No response.

* * *

Then the Vulcans head fell to the side and his eyes closed and he's pale too pale too pale even for a Vulcan and there's a thick green liquid pouring from the side of his mouth and Jim might not know much about Vulcan anatomy but the colour of their blood is fairly basic knowledge and-

* * *

" _No no no no no no!_ "

It takes him a while to realise that it's him who's rambling, but that's a good sign, isn't it?

Because that means Sulu is still on the comms contacting the others back onboard the ship and Bones is still firmly pressing down on Spock's wound to heal him while looking-

_Bones looks terrified._

Jim stared at him, at his pale face, his shaking hands, and wide eyes.

He had never seen Bones look so scared before.

* * *

A sharp crackle made him wince, and he turned to face his helmsman as his communicator came to life.

"Sorry 'bout the delay, we 'ad a bit of bother with the Kazons. Three to beam up, then?"

Scotty.

Sulu replied in the affirmative.

"Beaming up" He replied, "Will Pavel an' I deal with the Bajorans then?"

 _Oh yes_ , Jim remembered, _the Bajorans._

The reason they were down here in the first place.

_The reason Spock got hurt._

He knows it's stupid blaming them.

They didn't ask to be taken over, after all.

But a small childish voice inside him told him different and the last thing he wanted now was to deal with the aliens who'd almost killed his first mate.

So, instead, he turns to Sulu and nods, all the while trying to block out another, louder, voice telling that that the only reason Spock was hurt to begin with was because _he was trying to save him._

* * *

He refused to let go of Spock's arm even as they beamed onboard and Bones started yelling commands at Sulu and Uhura. They carried the unresponsive Vulcan to the Med Bay where he was quickly deposited on the nearest bed, the doctor quickly washing his hands as the pair pushed the bed to the operating theatre to remove the metal splinters from his body.

Jim's head felt strangely foggy as he stared at the pale cold _teenager_ in front of him, skin too white and blood too green against the hospital sheets.

_It should have been him lying there._

* * *

He was faintly aware of Bones entering the room wearing a clean shirt, snapping at the other occupants to make themselves useful or _get the hell out_.

He only gripped Spock's wrist tighter.

"Get him out of here!"

 _No_. No, they _couldn't_. They _couldn't_ take him away, _they couldn't!_

"Get him out of here, NOW DAMMIT!"

"Jim, Jim come on-"

"Sulu find a Vulcan blood transfusion!"

"-come on! Jim, you need to let go, _now!_ "

* * *

And then suddenly _Spock was gone_.

* * *

Spock was gone and he wasn't in the Med Bay anymore and this looked surprisingly like his own quarters and- yes, that was his shower, why was he in the shower? And oh, hey, there's Nyota, she's in the shower too, shoving him under the hot water and she's only wearing a tank top and faded shorts- when did she change? -and look at that, he's naked, but quite frankly she's seen him a hell of a lot worse and she's more like a little sister to him anyway despite his playful flirting, and she's scrubbing his hair with nice-smelling shampoo which stings his cuts but that's alright because she's rinsing it off now and-

* * *

When Jim next zoned in, he was sitting on his bed, wrapped up in a big fluffy towel with Nyota gently dapping a cool cream over the worst of his cuts and bruises, all the while humming an old earthen jazz song.

When she saw his eyes refocus on her, she smiled softly, "There you are. How do you feel?"

"... Spock?"

His voice is oddly rough.

"Still in surgery" She replied quietly, placing a butterfly plaster over a short but deep gash just below his jaw, "Turns out he got his anatomy from the Vulcan side, so his insides are a bit more complicated than ours".

"Did he hit something vital?"

"His liver. It's... roughly where our intestines are. It made things... difficult".

"But he'll be alright, won't he?"

_Because he had to be he has to be he has to be he has to be he has to-_

"... Let's just wait and see, yea?"

It wasn't a no.

... But it wasn't a yes either.


	25. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

Stepping into the infirmary, McCoy paused as he saw a familiar silhouette sitting by the hospital bed, the only light in the room coming from the various machines the patient was hooked up to.

"You know... I'm getting some serious déjà vu here".

The blonde didn't even stir.

The doctor sighed, walking over, "Jim... You just sitting here isn't going to do any good".

"What if wakes?" He replied, voice raspy, "What if Spock wakes and he's alone, Bones? Then what?"

"Then I would be notified immediately and would be by his side in less than three minutes" He shot back, holding up his tricorder, "And how do you think he's going to feel if the first thing he sees is your lovely face?"

"I'm sensing a little sarcasm".

"You should be. I'm laying it on pretty thick".

The blonde continued to stare religiously at the Vulcan on the infirmary bed, his own hand clasped lightly around the smaller one.

McCoy placed a gentle hand on Jim's shoulder, "Look, kid... You've been here three days. Spock's been _unconscious_ for three days... You need to take a break sometime".

"I'm fine".

" _Liar_ " He growled, "You haven't showered, you haven't shaved, you haven't slept, and the only time you eat is when I practically shove nutrition cubes down your throat!"

"And?"

"And you _hate_ nutrition cubes".

* * *

Jim gently traced the Vulcan's wrist with his finger, "... When is he going to wake up, Bones?"

"... I don't know, kid".

" _Will_ he wake up?"

He received a head slap in return.

" _Hey!_ You _do not_ talk like that" McCoy snapped, "Of course he's going to wake up! It's just a matter of when".

"You don't know that".

"Yes. I do" He bit, folding his arms across his chest, "Who's the doctor here?"

"What?"

"The doctor" Bones replied, "Who is he?"

"... Well, _you_ , obviously-"

"Yes, me! And if I say he's going to wake up, _then he's bloody well going to wake up!_ Do you understand me mister?!"

"... Bones-"

* * *

_Man, did he want to chuck his tricorder at the idiot's head!_

* * *

"No!" He snapped, "Spock is _healing_ , Jim. That battle-axe all but sliced his liver in two, not to mind all the muscle and tendon damage... He needs time to _heal_ ".

"... He has nightmares, you know".

"I know".

"He starts twitching and turning, frowning at something... I can't always snap him out of it".

"I know".

"Then, when things get really bad, he starts jerking, _whimpering_... I mean, I know it was bad, but not _this_ bad".

"I know".

"... You seem to know a lot of things, Bones".

McCoy sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, "Jim... You need to get out of here".

"No".

" _Jim_ ".

"I said no!"

"You haven't left in three days! This isn't helping anyone, and most _definitely_ won't help Spock when he wakes up to find you stinking the place!"

"I don't smell _that_ bad-"

"Don't even _try_ to tell me how much I need a clothes-peg right now" He shot back, "Now get up".

"No".

"Jim, I will personally hypo you myself if you don't get some decent food in you right now!"

"Then let me eat it here".

"That defeats the entire purpose! Stop mopping around and get your ass to the canteen right now! It's dinnertime. The others will be there. And they're just as worried as you are, Jim, yet what are they doing?"

The blonde remained stubbornly silent.

"Exactly!" Bones snapped, "They're continuing as normal! You're their _captain_ -"

"Oh don't even try to play that card-"

"And why the hell shouldn't I?!"

"Because- Because- Because it's different! They don't-"

"Don't what? Care for him? Worry about him? Well, news flash genius, you're not the only friend Spock has!"

* * *

Jim let out a heavy breath and leant back in his chair, rubbing a hand through messy greasy hair, "... I can't leave him alone, Bones".

"You won't be" He replied softly, "I'll stay right here until you return. Just... Go to the canteen, let the others know you're still alive, and... and get some good food in you, alright?"

"... You'll stay here?" He asked quietly, almost childlike, and it broke the doctors heart to see his best friend looking so lost.

"I'll stay here. I promise".

Jim slowly nodded, "Alright... Alright, I'll... I'll get some food".

He shakily got to his feet, still staring at the unconscious Vulcan on the bed in front of him, and McCoy sighed, rolling his eyes as he stepped forwards to cut off his view, " _Go!_ "

"Alright! Alright, jeez, I'm going already!"

He half-walked, half-stumbled towards the door, but paused once he got there.

"And you'll... you'll tell me if anything happens-"

"YES!" Bones yelled, "James Tiberius Kirk, I swear on my _life_ , that if you don't get the _hell_ out of my Med Bay _right now_ , I'll _personally_ ensure that this tricorder _gets_ _shoved up your-_ "

"Okay! Okay! I'm gone! Honest!"

* * *

Making sure the infirmary door shut behind him, the doctor sighed and turned back to the Vulcan lying unresponsive next to him.

"... He really loves you, you know that?"

Taking the seat that the blonde had just occupied, he resigned himself to an uneventful security post.

"It's just a pity that you're both to blind to realise that".

Turning back to his tricorder, he quickly scanned it over the unconscious figure, "Now so, let's see if there's any change, shall we? It's about bloody time you woke up, after all, Vulcan healing trance or not".

Running through the usual tests, he found everything to be relatively the same, if not marginally better.

His blood pressure was slightly up, which, while not exactly an improvement, it meant his body was trying to regain consciousness, but his liver seemed to be functioning as usual, which _was_ a good sign.

* * *

Glancing up, he placed the tricorder to the side and eyed the thick bandage wrapped around the teenager's side critically.

"You gave us all quite the scare, you know. Damn hobgoblin" He started, "Going and saving Jim like that, and getting stabbed in the side in return... And then, of course, you had to go and complicate things, didn't you Spock? Because where the human's large intestine is, I found your liver. And let me tell you, stitching up a liver is no small feat. For starters, you can hardly see anything with all the blood, and then trying to put in sutures to close the wound... And then, on top of that, because you just _love_ to make my life difficult, I had to transplant omentum fat, and, considering how malnourished you are, there wasn't a whole lot of it to begin with. Blood vessels had to be closed, the wound itself had to be closed, and then I had to try and repair the damaged muscles... Basically, you better be bloody grateful when you wake, you hear me?"

Taking a deep breath, he ran a hand over his eyes, "... _If_ you wake".

Looking back up at him, however, he froze.

Because there, lying on the bed, amongst the bandages and stitches and bruises and cuts, lay the Vulcan...

* * *

With both eyes open.


	26. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

Bones immediately leapt to his feet and leaned over the dazed Vulcan.

"Spock?! _Spock!_ Can you hear me?!"

The teenager slowly blinked before finally, _finally_ , his gaze focused on the doctor.

"... Doc'r?"

"Yea, Spock, it's me. Do you remember what happened?"

He frowned, "... Baj'r'ns?"

"The SOS, that's right. And then you went and got yourself gutted. You've been unconscious the last three days".

The Vulcan's frown only deepened, and Bones was suddenly struck by how small and _young_ he looked connected to all the bandages and tubes surrounding them.

And then he tried to sit up.

"Ah, ah, ah, don't even _think_ about it!" He snapped, pushing him back down on the hospital bed, "I spent _way_ too much time stitching up your ass for you to tear them all now".

"I... I apol'gise doc-"

"What? _No!_ No, Spock, I didn't mean it like... like..."

Bones sighed and collapsed back down in the chair next to him, "... I'm only to say this once, hobgoblin, so you better listen... You're my _friend_ , Spock. Not just some pretty face or- or- or an asset, or whatever... I helped you because you're my _friend_ and I _care_ about you... Alright?"

The Vulcan had a strange look in his eyes, "... A'right".

"Good" He finished gruffly, "And if you _ever_ repeat that to _anyone_ , and yes that includes Jim, I _will_ take pleasure in _hypospraying_ your ass to next week!"

* * *

The corner of the alien's mouth twitched up in response, but fell almost immediately after.

* * *

"Jim-?"

"He's fine" McCoy reassured, "Just the same as the rest of us".

"He is... uninj'red?"

The doctor rolled his eyes and leant back in his chair, "Oh, sure, don't ask about my own health at all, it's not like I was the one to save your life or anything, no, that was _all_ Jim, Jim, who, just for the record, was the reason you got stabbed in the first place! So, yes, hobgoblin, just go ahead and ask about _that_ pain in ass!"

Spock merely blinked in response, and Bones couldn't help but smirk at the _logical_ reaction to his outburst.

"He's _fine_ , kid. A few bruises here and there, a couple of small cuts, nothing that won't be healed by next week. In fact, he was well enough to be the ever-vigilant puppy who sat right here for the last three days, so he can't be too bad off".

The Vulcan nodded, once, as if to confirm the man's words to himself.

Jim was okay.

That was good.

 _He_ , on the other hand...

Spock glanced down at himself, bypassing the bruises and scratches to stare at the large roll of gauze wrapped around his waist, going from his hips to just below his ribs.

The centre of the white bandage was tinted green.

* * *

Bones followed his gaze and frowned, "Yea... That's gotta sting".

At his questioning look, the doctor elaborated, "That bastard's battle axe all but sliced you in half. Managed to put a pretty nice dent in your liver too... Now, I don't know how much your Vulcan healing trance fixed things, but I'm going to leave those bandages on for at least another day just in case, because I _really_ don't want your intestines all over my Med Bay floor".

He nodded, "I am... not in pain?"

"That's the morphine for you" He explained, "I erred on the side of caution and gave you just that little bit too much in case you woke up sooner than expected. It'll wear off in a few hours, so I expect you to return to me before you go to bed, alright?"

The Vulcan tilted his head to the side, curious, "Expect me to return... You are allowing me to leave, doctor?"

"Well I'm pretty damn sure you'd find some way of escaping even if I did tie you to the bed. So... yea. Go on, get out of here, loverboy's in the canteen".

Spock didn't hesitate, and quickly threw on the shirt McCoy passed him, his movement irritatingly slow because despite not being able to feel any pain, he could still feel the medical tape that pulled at his skin with every twist and turn.

He thanked the doctor once more, before walking as fast as possible to the door, Bones throwing a demanding "And for the love of space, hobgoblin, _don't_ overexert yourself!"

* * *

The Vulcan immediately made his way to the canteen, the morphine making his logic slightly weaker and his confidence slightly stronger, and _there was something he needed to say to Jim_.

The second the door slid open and he stepped into the room, he stopped.

Chekov was the first to notice, and the peas he had gathered on his fork went bouncing across the table as it clattered to his plate.

That gained the others attention.

Next, was Sulu, who was sitting next to the blonde and had looked up at the cutlery fell from the boy's hand.

His eyes widened, soundlessly mouthing the Vulcan's name as if he couldn't believe he was still alive.

After that, Scotty, who sat on the Asian's other side, followed the pairs gaze and dropped his jaw further than Hikaru's.

Across from them, Nyota frowned, and turned in her seat to see what they were all staring at, immediately paling and a reaching out with a shaking hand in his general direction, one word falling from parted lips.

" _Spock_ ".

* * *

And that's what snapped them out of it.

* * *

They all leapt to their feet, grinning and laughing and running over, Uhura reaching him first and pulling him into a hug so breath-taking, he thanked whatever deity that was out there for the extra shot of morphine.

" _Spock!_ You're- You're- You're- _Look at you!_ " She exclaimed, pulling back momentarily before lurching forwards again, both arms wrapped tightly around his neck as he cautiously placed a hand on the small of her back, unconsciously relaxing with the familiar smell of her lavender shampoo.

"I was so worried" She whispered, low enough only for him to hear, and he couldn't help but quirk his mouth up in response.

Finally letting go of him, he was met with warm smiles and cautious pats on the back from the others, causing him to flush a light green at the attention and _pure_ and _honest_ concern that was just _radiating_ off of everyone around him.

"We'd be a man down if it weren't for ya, lad" Scotty burst out, and Sulu nodded, grinning, "And what with you being second in command, and all, _you'd_ get the captains seat!"

His words were somewhat harsh, but his tone was light and friendly, so Spock carefully placed that remark in the 'Teasing' category in his mind.

"We were wery worried when Hikaru called" Chekov finished, "I'm so glad to see you're okay!"

Spock gave a small smile in response, unable to prevent his gaze from drifting over the young Russian's shoulder to find the man he had actually come here to see.

* * *

And there, awkwardly stumbling to his feet, staring at him in shock, was an exhausted, unshaven, weary-looking _Jim_.


	27. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And finally, **what you've all been waiting for...** in more ways than one ;)
> 
> Rachel :p
> 
> * * *

**Chapter 26**

Spock gave a small smile in response, unable to prevent his gaze from drifting over the young Russian's shoulder to find the man he had actually come here to see. And there, awkwardly stumbling to his feet, staring at him in shock, was an exhausted, unshaven, weary-looking Jim.

Spock stared at him in shock.

Jim looked _horrible_.

He was in old clothes, messy haired, unshaven, rough, and looked like he hadn't slept in a week.

* * *

He was faintly aware of the other's cheers slowly dying down as he cautiously walked closer to the captain.

* * *

Coming to a stop in front of him, he stared at the man in front of him, the man looking so worn out and just _exhausted_ all because of... all because of _him_.

Spock swallowed nervously before slowly reaching up with a trembling hand and brushing his fingertips along the stubbled jaw, feeling the worry and guilt and concern and pure and utter _love_ just _radiating_ off of this _incredible_ human standing _just in front of him_.

He frowned, confused at the strength of conflicting emotions drifting through his touch telepathy.

He knows what he has to do.

What he came here to do to begin with.

And he knows he'll never forgive himself if he doesn't act on the similar feelings he knows he sending right back at the blonde.

* * *

Letting his hand drift lower, he gripped Jim's collar tightly, because _thinking_ about it and actually _doing_ it are two _completely_ different things and if he was being _honest_ with himself he was fucking _terrified_ right now but him getting _stabbed_ on that terribly _forsaken_ planet had only _proved_ how _urgent_ this was because _either_ _one_ of them could _die_ at any _second_ while on this _whirlwind_ adventure of theirs and-

"Spock-"

He slammed their mouths together before the man could continue.

* * *

Jim immediately froze, and Spock quickly tensed up, thinking _oh no no no no no no no what if I did the wrong thing what if this wasn't what he wanted what if I just messed everything up all over again what if-_ until the blonde slowly relaxed and his own hands cautiously came up to rest on the Vulcan's shoulders, pulling him even closer, and he's kissing him back, _he's kissing him back_ , and Spock can't help but do anything other than wrap his arms around the man's neck and grin into the kiss.

* * *

He was quickly distracted, however, by the start of wolfwhistles from the others still standing behind them and now they were clapping and laughing and-

" _Thank the fucking stars, guys, finally" "Come on, we don't want to see this" "Oh just go get a room you two!" "Guys, seriously, tone it down a bit, would ya? Chekov's here, you need to PG this!"_

-and ain't _that_ fucking ironic because they still don't know that Spock's actually _younger_ than Pavel.

* * *

Eventually, however, as with all good things, it had to come to an end.

Pulling back, Jim rested his forehead against Spock's, both of them panting for breath, chests heaving, and neither relinquishing their tight embrace on the other.

And despite the blonde looking quite literally _dead_ on his feet, Spock can't help but notice how his eyes now look _alive_ , a burning, scorching, _fiery_ dance of swirling sky blues and forest greens and earthly browns and all together just _Jim_ , Jim who's _smiling_ , who's _grinning_ , who's _leaning in for more_ and who is Spock to deny him?

* * *

It was a good 10 minutes later before they regained enough conscious thought to leave the canteen, and they walked hand-in-hand through the Starship's dimly-lit corridors, Jim positively beaming and Spock smiling shyly by his side.

"So..." the Blonde began, "... What brought that on?"

The Vulcan snorted.

Jim abruptly stopped and spun around to face him, a wide grin on his face, and Spock immediately flushed, embarrassed at the unflattering noise, and buried his head in the man's shoulder.

That was another thing Jim noticed, this new braver Spock was a _hell_ of a lot more touchy.

He liked it.

"Did you just _snort?!_ "

" _No_ ".

The alien's voice was muffled by Jim's shirt, causing the blonde to only grin all that much wider.

"You so totally just snorted".

"No I didn't".

" _Spock_ ".

" _James_ ".

The Captain paused, before quickly frowning, "... That sounded suspiciously like how Bones would say it".

"You mean exasperatedly?"

He playfully shoved the Vulcan away from him, "Shut it, pointy!"

Grabbing the teenager's hand once more, he revelled in how his ears tinged green at the contact, his mind already whirring with all that possibilities _that_ could lead to.

* * *

"So?"

"... So?"

"My question" Jim explained, "You never actually answered it. What brought all this on?"

Spock unconsciously took a step closer to him, "I... I was thinking".

"About?"

"About the planet. About getting... getting stabbed. It... put things into perspective for me".

"And that perspective of yours decided to kiss me on sight?" He teased, and the Vulcan's cheeks flushed enticingly, "I admit, it was a rather... rash decision at the time".

"And here I was thinking you were all about logic".

"Sometimes... Sometimes my human side likes to win".

Jim turned to look over at him, his eyes softening, "Well... I'm glad it did".

He grinned.

"Cause I sure as hell wouldn't have had the courage".

Spock bumped shoulders with him, trying to bite back a smile.

"Now don't worry" the blonde continued, "I've already been threatened profusely by Bones, and I'm expecting a rather _severe_ discussion about my masculinity later on by Uhura should anything happen to you, so... yea, I'd say I'm pretty much open to anything right now".

The Vulcan frowned, "... In what context?"

"The context of my masculinity? Or the context about this?"

He rolled his eyes at the human, "About this!"

Jim grinned, "About this? I don't know... what do you want to call it? Boyfriends? Lovers? Partners? Or would you prefer we didn't label things right now and just wait a while?"

Spock studied him closely, noting the gentle expression and kind eyes and absolute _adoration_ coming in waves through their connected hands, and couldn't help but smile back at him and softly reply, "T'hy'la".

He frowned, "Ty what now?"

"T'hy'la" He repeated quietly, "It means... it means friend, brother, and lover. I... I believe it fits".

"Ty'la" Jim tried, "Thy'la... Th'yla... T'hy'la... I like it".

Spock gazed at him with wonder in his eyes, "I like it too".

The blonde glanced down at him, smiling crookedly at the wide eyes and loving expression, "T'hy'la".

"T'hy'la" Spock repeated, unable to block the swell of love that radiated off of the man in response.


	28. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So my plot has a bit of wiggle room here, and I need some filler chapters, and so, I'm putting this over to you guys.  
>  __  
> **Is there anything in particular you guys want to see next?**  
>  Anything at all will be accepted!
> 
> _Rachel :)_
> 
> * * *

**Chapter 27**

"T'hy'la".

Spock smiled and nuzzled closer into the blonde's chest.

"T'hy'la".

He felt a gentle kiss on his neck and a warm breath.

" _T'hy'la_ ".

Jim grinned, mouth pressed against the juncture of the Vulcan's shoulder and neck.

"I like it".

Spock couldn't help but tighten his grip around the man's neck, "I noticed".

* * *

For the past hour they had been lying on top of Spock's bed, curled up together, the younger's head buried against the elder's chest, arms wrapped around him, and the blonde's hands wrapped around his waist, pulling him flush full-bodied against him.

* * *

"You know, I don't think you do" He responded, "I might just have to show you".

"Show me?" He asked, a smirk playing at his lips, "And just how exactly, do you plan on doing that?"

"Oh, I have my ways" He teased, before abruptly lurching forwards and spinning them around, pinning Spock beneath him and grinning seductively, "Many ways, in fact".

Spock felt the slight stirring of worry form in his chest.

Leaning down, the blonde immediately captured the Vulcan's lips with his own, fast and hot and wet and _needy_ and-

* * *

" _You're a good for nothing whore. You're only useful for your body. You're worthless, Spock, so fucking worthless!"_

* * *

-and then all of a sudden there was a sharp jerk in his stomach and he was turned, rolled over on the small bed, and now Jim was below him, below him, not above him, not holding him, pinning him down, not trapping him, not caging him, but giving him control, giving him control, but he doesn't need control, why would he need control, he's not the one to decide what they do or don't do but maybe he's different maybe he's nicer and kinder and calmer and maybe he'll let him chose what he doesn't want to-

* * *

" _Spock_ ".

* * *

The Vulcan blinked, and refocused his gaze on the softly smiling man beneath him.

"It's okay" Jim said, still smiling, "You're okay. Everything's okay".

It was only then that he realised he wasn't breathing.

* * *

Gasping in huge breaths of air, he all but collapsed on top of the blonde beneath him, not realising that he was shaking until warm arms wrapped around him carefully, holding him close but not tightly, not trapping him, not _caging_ him.

"It's alright, Spock, you're okay, I'm sorry, I should have known, I shouldn't have- I _should_ have- have-"

Jim cut himself off by taking a deep breath and puling him even closer, resting his chin on top of the Vulcan's head, "... I'm sorry".

"... It's not you're fault" Spock whispered into his shirt, "I just... I need... I need time to- to- to adjust and- and just- I just need to-"

"I know" He finished, "And we... we can do whatever you want to, okay? I won't make you do anything you don't want to. I'll never let anybody do that to you again".

He cautiously lifted his head back up, noting the honest, real, _true_ glint in the man's eyes, but still unsure, still doubting, still wondering _what if?_

* * *

Whatever he wanted.

That didn't matter.

It was whatever Jim wanted that mattered.

* * *

Shoving down his fears, he immediately leant forward to kiss the man again, but at the last minute, the blonde turned his head away.

Frowning, the teen leant back again, confused.

Jim looked up at him, his eyes slightly sadder than before.

"I said whatever _you_ want to, Spock" He explained, "And I mean it too".

He couldn't help but stare at him, half in awe and half confused, before slowly, ever so slowly, leaning forwards once more and brushing his mouth against the blonde's below him.

It was a warm kiss, more soft, more languid, not rushed like before.

Spock couldn't prevent the deep rumbling sound that emitted from his chest as a result.

And eventually, the older man pulled back.

* * *

Jim gazed up at him with a strange smile on his face, "Are you... Is that... Are you making that sound?"

The Vulcan felt his cheeks flush as he reluctantly nodded.

"It sounds like... It sounds like _purring_ ".

He dropped his gaze.

The blonde full-out grinned, "No way... _No way_. Are you... You're actually... Are you _purring?!_ "

Spock swallowed thickly and slowly met his inquisitive eyes, "Vulcans share their ancestry with numerous felines... Unfortunately, not all traits have been wiped out through evolution, and the muscles of the larynx alternately dilate and constrict the glottis rapidly, causing air vibrations during inhalation and exhalation... or purring, as you call it, is one of the few traits that remain".

"So what does it mean?"

"The vibrations?"

"The purring" He corrected, "Why do you do it? Is there a reason for it? Can you control it? Can you just turn it off or on whenever you want or is it just an automatic response to-"

"Contentment".

Jim blinked, surprised, "... What?"

"Contentment" Spock replied softly, "It only occurs when I am... content. When I am happy, when I feel safe and... and loved".

"... It hasn't happened much before then, has it?"

"... No".

"I plan on changing that" Jim said, "T'hy'la".

"T'hy'la" He replied gently, kissing him once more.

Almost immediately, the rumbling sound started up again, and Jim pulled back once more with a surprised laugh that made his eyes crinkle at the edges and made his skin just radiate and Spock had to lean forwards to taste that laugh that he's wanted to _taste_ and to join and to own for _so fucking long_ by now.

_And it was worth every second of the wait._


	29. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So hey, do any of you guys watch ' **Lewis** '? (Or ' **Inspector Lewis** ' as it's called in the USA)
> 
> Cause I'm addicted to it, James Hathaway is my bae, and **I have a fairly angsty fic idea** that I'm still figuring out.
> 
> **But would anyone actually read it?**
> 
> Rachel :)
> 
> PS. This is the last filler chapter I'' be writing for a while, and I've tried to include everything you guys suggested, but still, brace yourselves for the next chapter cause it ain't going to be nice!
> 
> * * *

**Chapter 28**

Bones sighed loudly as he stared at the couple snuggling up together on the couch across from him.

As happy as he was that the two morons had eventually gotten their heads unstuck and had finally, _finally_ , figured things out... It was sickening to watch.

Jim was sitting on the armchair, grinning hugely and wrapping possessive arms around the Vulcan's lower back, while Spock was curled up on his lap, both hands draped lazily around his boyfriend's neck, staring at him in wonder.

That was the other thing.

Now that they were together, Spock had turned into a complete octopus, and was always constantly touching Jim in some way or another, seemingly in awe of how much of the love that radiated from the blonde was directed at him.

It tugged painfully at something in the doctor's heart.

Spock acted as if he'd never known a touch that didn't hurt before, and based on everything McCoy knew about him, he wasn't too surprised.

Just bitter.

Returning his gaze to the pair as the younger giggled at something Jim siad, he sighed once more and rolled his eyes at them.

Just because he was happy _for_ them, didn't mean he had to be happy _with_ them.

He had lost his two closest friends to the powerful and unforgiving clutches of love, and he was angry and irritated and _fuck_ , was he lonely.

He stared down at the amber liquid in his glass as he swirled it expertly, before taking a long, hard swig of the burning alcohol.

Ah well.

He'd just have to find himself his own partner then.

After he was done complaining and had found a way to survive the extreme sappiness that was surrounding him these days, of course.

* * *

Jim grinned up at his lover, his smirk only widening as he got endearing flushed cheeks and green-tinged ear tips in response.

They had been sitting like this in the rec room for the past hour, just staring at each other and whispering sweet nothings in shy ears.

He knew Bones was glaring at him, and revelled in the fact, knowing that the doctor was only going to get even more annoyed when he began to kiss Spock outside of closed doors.

He had firmly decided a long, _long_ , time ago that he would work at Spock's pace.

He knew that the Vulcan wasn't nearly ready enough to do anything but hold hands when in the presence of others, and even that had taken a few days to get used to.

But he could work with that.

And he would work with that, for however long Spock wanted him to.

He knew the boy wasn't used to being in control, he wasn't even used to saying _no_ to something he didn't want to do, so Jim made sure that he let the younger decide what and what not to do.

Even if that left him frustrated and made him question his beliefs.

Spock was more important than a single good night, after all.

He grinned at the blushing and wide eyed Vulcan once more, and tightened his grip around the slim waist resting on his lap.

* * *

Spock smiled softly as Jim pulled him even closer.

The last week had been just... _perfect_.

His t'hy'la was perfect.

 _Everything_ was perfect.

He had moved into Jim's room only a day after they got together, had told him more than he ever thought he would about his past, and they had compromised on a thermostat temperature that they were both happy with, and yes, this _had_ all been rather quick, but if he was being honest with himself, he was too scared to let the blonde out of his sight for longer than five minutes.

He was too scared to wake up, alone and cold and _hurting_ , and realise that it had all been just a dream.

The love that came off of the man had consumed him, and he could feel it all through physical touch. That love never dimmed for a moment, not even if they were fighting, or if Jim was in a dark mood due to paperwork, or irritated due to Bones's constant bickering, that love was always, always, there.

Touching his ex-fiancé had never been like this.

Touching him only ever brought pain and blood and bruises.

Touching him had made him feel empty, angry, repulsive.

Never loved.

So instead, Spock kept a close eye and an even closer hold on him, and took it all, second after second, minute after minute, hour after hour, for however long it would last.

* * *

But of course, it had to be too good to last.


	30. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _MERRY CHRISTMAS!_
> 
> Or, you know, happy Bodhi Day, Hanukkah, Saturnalia, Yule, Diwali, Ramadan, Kwanzaa, New Year, or whatever else you guys celebrate!
> 
> **Rachel :)**
> 
> _PS. My 'Lewis' fic is up and running, and it's called 'Deliverance' if you want to check it out!_
> 
> * * *

**Chapter 30**

Spock was thrown to the floor as the entire ship rocked from the force of a blast.

Immediately, sirens began wailing around him, and red lights flashed across the room.

Jim leapt to his feet, pulling Spock back up and scanning his face worriedly.

"Are you okay?!"

The Vulcan blinked at him slowly, brain still trying to catch up with the shaking of their Starship.

"Spock!" He snapped, "Are you alright?!"

"... Yea" He finally managed to get out, "Yea, I'm... I'm alright. What's happening?"

"I don't know" He replied, quickly looking around the room.

From the other side of it, Bones had also jumped up from his seat, and was angrily yelling at the ship's computer, clearly getting no helpful response in return.

* * *

Jim reluctantly let go of his lover's hands, and drew himself up to his full height, captain mode on.

"McCoy! Status report!"

"I don't bloody well know!" He growled, "This damn computer isn't responding, but we've still got electricity, so I don't know what's happening!"

He marched over to the control system and pressed a button, "Sulu, Chekov, what's going on out there?!"

"-ttack cap-in. we'r -der attac-"

The line went dead, and both men swore rather colourfully, Spock remaining very silent and very _very_ pale in the corner of the room.

* * *

"I'll go up to main deck" Jim said, turning to them, "Bones, go down to engineering, see if Scotty's alright. Spock, check out- Spock!"

He blinked and quickly zoned back in.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

He swallowed thickly, and nodded, cool dread pooling in the base of his stomach as the ship was hit with more fire.

"Come with me to the bridge" He commanded, "The rest should already be up there".

Spock nodded curtly, shoving down all illogical emotions, before following the captain out of the rec room at a brisk pace.

* * *

On the main deck, everything was just as chaotic.

Uhura was at her station, frantically rattling things out in one hundred and one different languages, trying to get a response.

Both Sulu and Chekov were also at their consoles, veering between hitting buttons and yanking joysticks.

Once they realised Jim was onboard, they all began shouting random things at once.

"Captian, we're under attack-"

"-an unknown enemy vessel-"

"-can't get through, they're not responding!"

Jim was only briefly aware of Spock freezing next to him before the main screen suddenly flickered to life.

* * *

"Hello captain".

All occupants of the room jumped, startled, before spinning around to face the man now staring back at them from the attacking ship.

Or rather, not man... but Vulcan.

* * *

" _Sarek!_ "

The name was spat with such venom it took a while for them to realise it had come from Spock.

But now that Jim was studying the two of them, the similarities were painfully obvious.

* * *

_This was Spock's father._

* * *

The Vulcan on the screen frowned, anger clear in his eyes, " _Spock!_ "

Jim was only vaguely aware of the turbo doors opening behind them and of Bones and Scotty both stepping out.

The only thing that held his attention, was the complete and utter _rage_ that _consumed_ him at the sight of this _monster_.

"You know why I'm here" the Man continued, "Surrender now, and we won't harm your little... _friends_ ".

The blonde clenched his fist while the others stared on confused.

"He's never going with you again!" He snapped, "Not if I have anything to do with it".

The Vulcan's uninterested gaze drifted over to him, "... And you would be?"

"His t'hy'la" He shot back, and Sarek raised his eyebrows, "His _t'hy'la?_ He's a _mutt!_ A _half-breed!_ He can't have a _t'hy'la_ ".

The blonde glanced over at Spock only to find him staring mutely at the floor, shoulders tense.

* * *

He slipped his fingers into his hand to reassure him, and saw the older Vulcan's eyes narrow in response.

* * *

"What do you want?" He growled at the man, "Why are you attacking my ship?!"

"To get back what's legally mine".

"He's a human being!"

"He's a mutant!" He snarled, "A good-for-nothing disgusting _mongrel!_ And he belongs to _me_ ".

Next to him, Spock tensed even further, "Jim... Let me go-"

" _No_ " He replied, "I promised never to let him touch you again, and I mean it!"

"Captain-"

Both men became consciously aware of the occupants of the room, and Spock flushed, embarrassed.

"Hand him over. Or I'll destroy your ship".

"Then destroy it".

"Jim-"

"Spock" He interrupted once more, "I'd rather be dead than have you hurt again".

Sarek studied them closely.

"... Fine" He finally said, "Prepare for battle, captain".

"Gladly!"

* * *

The second the screen went black, everyone started yelling at him.

"Jim, what the hell-"

"-is going on-"

"-are you thinking?"

Bones whistled loudly, catching everyone's attention.

He stared at them, "... Just what the _hell_ is going on?!"

"Spock's father is attacking us in order to get Spock back which obviously isn't happening".

"Why not?"

The quiet voice startled them all.

* * *

Spock stared back at them, hands shaking but with eyes of steel.

* * *

"Why not?" He repeated, "Sarek wasn't lying. He _will_ kill you, _all_ of you, if I don't go back to him".

"Well then we'll all be dead by morning!" Jim snapped, "You don't deserve that, Spock, any of that, you've already suffered enough!"

"How did he even find us?" Bones asked cautiously, "I mean... he had no reason to suspect us, of all people, to be harbouring a so-called 'fugative'".

"... The Orion's" Spock said suddenly, "When we restocked... There's not many Vulcans this far east, and even less who speak the Orion language... My father has many powerful allies all over the universe, it wouldn't have taken much for someone to tell him about me on that moon".

"So... what now?" Bones asked slowly, "Do we have enough supplies to fight back?"

"Not for long" Jim admitted, "Perhaps for another few hours... Not until morning, though".

"Then I go with them!" the Vulcan exclaimed, "That's all it takes! Then no one will have to- to-"

"To die for you?" their Captain finished, "Well, tough luck, Spock, because when you agreed to come with us, that's what you signed up for. We're in this together. Through thick an thin".


	31. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! _A week early update!_
> 
> It has a catch though, cause I won't be able to update next week due to school restarting and getting back test results that... yea... won't be so good...
> 
> **Also this chapter is really sad and angsty and you're all going to hate me for it but sorry not sorry cause the eventual ending is pretty happy so, you know, they counteract each other.**
> 
> Rachel :'(
> 
> * * *

**Chapter 30**

"So... what now?" Bones asked slowly, "Do we have enough supplies to fight back?"

"Not for long" Jim admitted, "Perhaps for another few hours... Not until morning, though".

"Then I go with them!" the Vulcan exclaimed, "That's all it takes! Then no one will have to- to-"

"To die for you?" their Captain finished, "Well, tough luck, Spock, because when you agreed to come with us, that's what you signed up for. We're in this together. Through thick and thin".

Spock stared at him, then at Bones, both men with the same steely look on their faces, before turning his attention to the rest of the crew.

Scotty was beyond bewildered, having only joined the conversation at the 'everyones going to die' part.

Sulu was determined, one hundred percent onboard with Jim's suicidal idea.

Chekov was sure, but scared, his age shining through the Starfleet uniform and nerves of a navigator.

Nyota was just as resolute as ever, nodding curtly at him in response to his questioning gaze.

* * *

They didn't deserve this.

They didn't deserve to die for this.

They didn't deserve to be murdered for _him_.

* * *

They need to know what they were getting into.

* * *

"My name isn't Spock" He began, "Or... well, that's part of it, but not... My full name is S'chn T'gai Spock".

" _Holy shit_ ".

Everyone turned to Uhura as she swore.

"You're... You're... That was-"

"That was S'chn T'gai Sarek" He finished quietly, "The Vulcan ambassador to the United Federation of Planets and... and my father".

The silence that fell was deafening.

Well then.

Perhaps his life story _would_ turn them off fighting.

"I'm not 21 years old" He continued, "I'm 17. And I didn't leave Vulcan because I disagreed with their customs, though that was part of the reason... I left because I was due to be married to a loud, violent, _illogical_ man who shared my father's enjoyment of causing pain. There's a monetary reward for my arrest and an even larger sum if I'm returned directly to Sarek, so he can kill me himself, as is the appropriate response when the sole heir turns their back on their family... He's serious when he says he'll destroy this ship and everyone on it".

* * *

They all stared at him.

* * *

"... Well that sorts it then" Bones finally said, "I don't much fancy being the judge and jury and giving you to the executioner".

"Yea, man" Sulu nodded, "I know you were trying to turn us off the whole heroic rescue thing, but... Honestly I think you just did the complete opposite".

"But-"

"No buts, Spock" Uhura interrupted softly, "You have the right to live your life in whatever way you chose... And no outdated Vulcan tradition is going to prevent you from doing that, least of all a father who hits his only son".

He turned to her sharply, and she gave a small, sad smile, "It wasn't too difficult to piece together, what with everything that's happened... And my moneys on your so-called 'fiancé' being just as forceful".

"... I refuse to ask you to die for me".

"Well you're not asking, we're offering" Jim finished, "Everyone onboard with 'save Spock from the evil clutches of family'?"

Scotty groaned, "Aye, but only if we getta change that name".

He pouted, "Hey! That's a great mission name!"

"Sure it is laddie, if you were still in school".

Spock, completely unamused by their bantering, shook his head, "No, you don't understand, I'm not... I'm not going to- to- to _allow_ you to give yourselves up for slaughter!"

"Yes, you are, because it's our own decision!" Jim shot back.

He glared, "No, it's not! You- you _pity_ me or- or- or feel guilty so you're now _obliged_ to make an effort to- to-"

"To do nothing!" He snapped, "We're doing this because you're our friends, Spock. We _care_ about you, why can't you see that?!"

"I'm not worth losing your life over!"

"Well I don't know about these guys, but for me? You sure as _fuck_ are!"

* * *

From the other side of the bridge, Chekov whined, "Bones! Mom and dad are arguing again!"

Spock automatically flushed, because of course _he'd_ be the _feminine_ one, the one in the _arranged marriage_ , the one being _beaten around_ by _two older men_ , the one who-

"Hey!" Kirk snapped, "Sit your ass back in that chair and work out a plan!"

The blonde sighed, collapsing back in his seat with a grumble, "Yes, _mother_..."

He blinked in surprise, because that means- that means _Jim_ is the mother, the _feminine_ one, which makes him the father, the _dad_ , and now, in this life or death situation that he finds himself trapped in, he can't help but realise that _he always wanted to be a dad_ , but, despite that, he also can't help but realise that _he wouldn't mind being a mother_ if he was with _Jim_ , because _anything_ with Jim is _enjoyable_ and _amazing_ and _fuck, what is he thinking?!_ He _can't_ do this, he _can't_ let them _sacrifice_ _themselves_ , can't let _Jim sacrifice himself_ , not when there's still _so much_ he can _give_ to the _world_ , to _space_ , to the _universe_ and-

Another blast to the side of the ship caused them all to stumble, and he winced when he saw Jim cut his hand off the jagged piece of metal that used to be the railing.

* * *

No.

He can't let them do this.

He _won't_.

* * *

Taking a deep breath, he walked over to the now-swearing blonde, and took his face in both of his hands.

* * *

Jim looked up at him, startled, but quickly gave in to the heated, needy, _meaningful_ kiss that Spock gave him.

Pulling back, he leant his forehead against the human's, closing his eyes and just _savouring_ the moment, committing all of it to memory, the feel of his cheekbones and jaw line, the warmth of his minty-flavoured breath, the quick pulse and increased heart rate.

" _T'hy'la_ " He whispered, reopening his eyes only to find confused blue staring back at him, "I... I'm sorry, and...and I-"

He abruptly straightened, hands tensing on both of Jim's arms, preparing himself.

"Spock, what-?"

He was keenly aware of all eyes watching him carefully.

He found that in the face of death, none of that mattered anymore.

"I'm sorry" He repeated, voice stronger this time, "And... And I love you".

* * *

In the next split second, he had shoved Jim back against an alarmed doctor and engineer, had ran for the turbo lifts, given the computer his command before smashing the control panel with his elbow, relishing in the pain, convincing himself that _that_ was why there were tears in his eyes, _not_ because he was leaving, _not_ because he dying, _not_ because _he would never see Jim again._

The doors slid open, and he took off at a sprint, knowing that the broken controls would only delay them for so long.

He didn't stop running until he had reached the transporter room.


	32. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys, not the dramatic last-minute saving-the-day moment you've all been hoping for. **Some serious angst** in this chapter, as well as the next 2 or 3 or so...
> 
> **BUT DON'T WORRY!**
> 
> Things will eventually get better!
> 
> _Rachel :)_
> 
> * * *

**Chapter 31**

Jim swore loudly as he stumbled, latching onto jagged piece of railing to steady himself but only managing to slice open his palm in the process.

This entire bloody situation was bad enough as it was, without adding any painful injuries into the mix.

Swearing colourfully, he gripped his bleeding hand with his other arm, before jumping, startled, as suddenly Spock appeared in front of him, gently taking hold of his face.

He didn't even have a chance to get a single word out before the Vulcan was kissing him, _intensely_ , and for a split second, Jim forget where he was.

But then, just as sudden, the moment was over, and Spock was leaning his forehead against him, his eyes strangely misty as he closed them.

* * *

Jim frowned, confused at how... _final_ this whole thing seemed.

* * *

"T'hy'la" Spock whispered, reopening his eyes and staring at him, "I... I'm sorry, and...and I-"

He abruptly straightened, hands tensing on both of Jim's arms, and the blonde swallowed thickly, dread pooling in the pit of his stomach, "Spock, what-?"

Spock sighed lightly, cutting off his question, before seeming to brace himself for an invisible blow.

"I'm sorry" He repeated, his voice stronger this time, "And... And I love you".

* * *

And then suddenly, Jim was being shoved away.

* * *

Stumbling back, both Bones and Scotty managed to thankfully catch him before he fell and caused himself even more harm, and he quickly steadied himself as another blast hit the ship.

Shaking his head to clear the sudden dizziness, he saw Spock disappear into the turbo lift, and he launched himself after him.

The doors shut mere seconds before he reached them.

Cursing, Kirk pounded on the door to no avail before spinning around and hitting the button on the computer.

There was no answer.

Only static.

* * *

"Jim?"

He turned at the voice, only to find a confused looking doctor staring back at him.

"He's disabled the control panel".

Immediately, Scotty stepped forwards, "He's what?!"

"He's- He's- He's done something to it!" Kirk snapped, running his still-bleeding hand through blonde hair, leaving red streaks in it's wake, "I don't know what. Spock probably... probably smashed the lift's own computer or something... Can you fix it?"

"Of 'ourse I can, laddie, it's just a matter of 'ow long it'll take" the Scotsman replied, quickly walking over and pulling the control panel away from the wall, "I'll see what I can do".

"But why would he break it?" Uhura asked, standing up, "What good does that do?"

"It's stops us from following him for a start" McCoy started, a strange look in his eyes, and the blonde quickly searched his expression, "Bones? What is it? What are you thinking?"

The man stared at him cautiously for another tantalising minute before carefully replying, "Jim... That sounded an awful lot like a goodbye, to me".

He frowned once more.

"A goodbye? What do you mean a goodbye? Why would he-"

His blood ran cold.

"The transporter room".

He could feel all eyes on him.

"Jim?" McCoy asked again, and the younger man looked up at him, "The transporter room... It's like you said, he didn't want us following him, being able to stop him from... from..."

And then, the doctor realised and his eyes widened.

"The damn hobgoblin's sacrificing himself".

* * *

"Sir! Incoming message from Sarek's ship!"

* * *

Everyone quickly turned to the miraculously still-intact screen as the Vulcan's face reappeared once more.

Except this time, he was grinning.

"Ah, Captain Kirk, I should've known you'd come around to my way of thinking".

Jim's voice was like ice.

"Where is he?"

Sarek frowned, "You are not... happy".

"Of course I'm not fucking happy, I didn't send him to you!"

"And yet still he returned to me... Doesn't say much for how little regard he held for you, Kirk".

The blonde scowled at him, "Spock's only doing this to save me. To save us... He would hold a _Romulan_ _slave_ in higher regard than you!"

"Enough!" Sarek snapped, eyes burning with anger, "He is on-board my ship and that is all that matters. My son will get what comings to him, Captain, and he will deserve every _ounce_ of it".

"You lay one finger on him and I'll murder you with my bare hands!"

The Vulcan smirked, a condescending sneer, "I'd like to see you try".

It was only Bones's hand on his arm that stopped him from hurling himself at the screen.

"As a sign of... shall we say, goodwill? I shall leave your ship intact" Sarek continued, "Or, as intact as it currently is, which... well... you won't be able to follow me, Kirk. And your precious Spock will be taught a lesson for ever even _looking_ at you... Goodbye, Captain. I know for a fact that we won't be meeting again".

"WAIT-"

* * *

The screen went black.

* * *

Jim stared at it, silently, his head feeling strangely numb.

Sarek had him.

 _Sarek_ had _Spock_.

Spock had _sacrificed_ _himself_ to save them.

And he had just let it all happen.

* * *

"Jim-"

"No" He cut off firmly, "We are _not_ \- I won't... Sulu!"

"Captain?" He asked uncertainly, hands hovering over the controls.

"Warp factor. Is it possible?" He asked, shoving away the prickling behind his eyes, pushing back the guilty loathsome thoughts, and completely ignoring Bones's intense stare burning into the back of his head.

The Asian man quickly hit a few buttons, before slowly, reluctantly, shaking his head, "No sir. Warp factor's disabled. The ships too damaged for it to be possible... Jim-"

"Uhura. Can you regain contact with the Vulcan ship?" He interrupted, knowing full well what had been coming next.

_We can't save him._

"Negative" She replied quietly, "All communications systems have been shut off.

"Scotty where are we with that turbo lift?"

"Almost there, Cap'ain" He replied, the only piece of good news on the entire bridge, "Once I 'et down to the engine room, I can start repairs".

"Good. Chekov? Can we keep up with them? Without warp factor?"

The younger man quickly did the calculations, and having received the answer, he visibly trembled, "... No sir. They're already out of range".


	33. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soooo I know this is a late update but I didn't have internet for a week and I have more exams next week and really nothing is going right in life for me at the moment, so you'll just have to forgive me!
> 
> **Also, how many whump!Spock chapters do you guys actually want?**
> 
> You have this one from Spock's POV, then Jim's POV in the next chapter, but do you want one more hurt!Spock after that?
> 
> Rachel :)
> 
> * * *

**Chapter 32**

Spock took a slow steady breath to try and distance himself from the pain.

It had only taken Sarek three days to get to Vulcan, where he had been met with cheers and applause for returning victorious with the 'blood traitor'. From there, he'd been dragged along through the mocking and jeering crowd until they'd reached his fathers house, and Spock had panicked and hyperventilated so much as the thought of returning to that dark and damp and pain-filled basement that he'd managed to pass out.

When he'd awoken, he'd found himself in that dark and damp and pain-filled basement, and based on the new spattering of bruises and wheezing breath, his father had had some 'fun' while he had been unconscious.

And now, he was sitting cross-legged, still wearing his Starfleet-issued uniform, trying to remove his mind from his body, trying to block out the aching muscles and stinging cuts, until the only thing that remained was himself, his thoughts, and his logic.

He flinched back as the basement door was suddenly flung open, and slammed against the wall behind in.

* * *

"Spock?"

_Oh no no no no no no no it can't be it couldn't be there's no way it's it's it's-_

He could only watch fearfully as his fiancé cheerfully trotted down the steps until he stood in front of him.

Syvar grinned, looking just as ferocious and deadly as he remembered, only this time, there was a hint of malice in his shark-like smirk.

"Spock. How good to see you again".

He remained silent.

Syvar frowned, "What? No warm welcome?"

Nothing.

"Spock. Answer me".

It took his entire being and willpower not to give into the harsh request, but unfortunately, that only made the man even angrier.

Reaching down, Syvar grabbed his arms tightly and yanked him forcefully to his feet, and he was unable to prevent the small cry of pain that he let out as a result.

"I said" He continued threateningly, " _Answer me!_ "

Silence.

"No?" He eventually said, "Fine".

He dropped him.

Spock bit back another cry as he landed heavily on his right arm, hearing something crack beneath his weight.

* * *

Syvar sighed, staring down at him with pity, "That was your fault, you know. You should have answered me when I asked. You shouldn't have run away like that. You shouldn't have left and disgraced your father, your fiancé, _yourself_... And then, do you know what else I heard? What I had to learn from your father? What disgusted twisted _disgraceful_ failure I had to learn when he came to me this evening?"

He spat at the floor by Spock's feet.

" _You've been unfaithful to_ _me_ ".

He stared at him for only a split second more, then suddenly swung back his leg and kicked him, _hard_ , in the stomach.

Spock threw up blood.

"Is that what I deserve?" He snarled, "Is that what you repay me with?!"

Another kick, and they both heard a rib crack.

"Is it, Spock?! IS IT?!"

He merely groaned in response, trying to curl around himself to protect his already sore and bleeding body.

"I DEMAND AN ANSWER SPOCK!"

* * *

It only took four more powerful blows before he finally cracked under the pain and pressure.

* * *

"Yes!"

He hated himself immediately after.

Syvar smirked, "... Oh, how I missed that voice".

He closed his eyes in defeat.

"Oh, come on, now, Spock, don't be like that" He patronised, crouching down next to him, "We had such good fun over the last few years. It'd be such a shame to simply... throw it all away for something as insignificant as this. Because you didn't really love that other man, now, did you?"

He flinched back as the Vulcan reached out with a soft hand and gently trailed his fingertips along his cheek, trying to block out all emotions to prevent Syvar from realising-

* * *

But it was too late.

* * *

Spock could pinpoint the exact moment that his fiancé realised he truly did love Jim Tiberius Kirk.

His eyes darkened, his smile turned back into a scowl, and his hand suddenly jerked down to his neck and _tightened_.

It was an entire minute later before he let go, and Spock had black dots dancing before his eyes as he collapsed back against the hard and cold concrete floor, gasping for breath.

"How _dare_ you" Syvar snarled, stumbling to his feet and swinging another sharp kick that hit him straight in the ribs.

" _How dare you!_ " He growled, grabbing Spock's arm and yanking him up into a sitting position, the motion only causing the dizziness and shortness of breath to return, and his stomach lurched painfully, causing him to gag once more.

"You- You actually- You- You-" He took a deep breath and took a step back from the prone body leaning back the wall.

"... You _disgust_ me" He finally sat, turning his back to the younger Vulcan, "You... You _love_ him... You're so _emotional_ , Spock. You shame your family, you shame your father, and most importantly, _you shame me_ ".

He flinched away from the disappointing tone.

"How _illogical_ , Spock" He slowly made his way back to the door, "How _horrendously human_ of you... Though, I suppose, I should have expected this. What did I expect after all, considering the whore that was your mother".

* * *

And in that moment, Spock swore to all deities above, that he would live to see the long painful and drawn-out demise of this pathetic excuse of a man.


	34. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> p>Next chapter, as promised, from Jim's point of view!
> 
> Also, I've decided to do just one more chapter from Spock's point of view before the action really kicks in, so I'm afraid you'll have to wait until Chapter 35-ish before Syvar and Sarek finally start to get what they deserve!
> 
> If there's anything in particular you'd like to see happen, please feel free to tell me!
> 
> Rachel :)
> 
> * * *

**Chapter 33**

Jim paced the bridge impatiently.

For the past three days they'd been slowly making their way to Vulcan, the only place that any of them could think of to look for Spock.

But thanks to Spock's father, their pace was incredibly slow, as warp factor was still offline and Scotty was doing all he could to even get just the engines to continue working.

It would take them another four days, based on their current speed, and none of them were particularly happy about it.

"We need t'stop some'ere to make repairs, Cap" Scotty announced, and Jim watched the turbo lift doors slide shut behind him.

The same turbo lift doors where he saw Spock for the last time.

_No, dammit! Not for the last time, not for-_

He quickly shook his head and took a deep breath, "We don't have time to stop, Scot. We've already painfully fallen behind as it is".

"Aye, but if we keep going at this rate, then the poor lass is gonna collapse, Jim. She's al'eady under too much pressure".

He ran a hand over his face tiredly, before slowly nodding and turning to the navigations deck, "Sulu, Chekov, is there any federation starbase between here and Vulcan? Somewhere that we don't have to go off track for?"

The pair quickly ran their calculations before glancing nervously at one another.

Jim was immediately on high alert.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

Sulu carefully cleared his throat, "Well... there is a station where we could dock, Cap, but... well... perhaps you better see for yourself".

He quickly marched over, aware of all eyes on him as he leaned over the map.

Almost immediately, a large spacebase caught his attention.

"... Is this the only one?" He asked tightly.

Chekov nodded, "Yes'ir. Unless... Unless you want to go a few miles off track then-"

"No" Kirk said firmly, "If this is... If this is the only one in range then... it'll have to do".

"Are you sure?" Sulu asked carefully, and he nodded, "Yes... Set the course".

From behind him, Uhura gave a worried frown, "Jim? Where, exactly, are we going?"

"The one place we've been studiously avoiding for months" He replied with a fake cheery smile, "We're going back to Starfleet Headquarters".

* * *

Jim didn't know what to expect when they docked at the same space station they were on the run from.

Armed guards, maybe?

Shoutings of 'you have to arrest them'?

Or maybe even the Commander-in-Chief of the Federation Starfleet himself, gazing sternly at them as they disembarked the ship.

Was he wasn't expecting, and probably really should have, was nothing.

Nothing at all.

They requested permission to dock, they received it.

They landed, and slowly and carefully got off the ship.

And a young man with a clipboard and Starfleet uniform walked over and asked for the purpose of their docking.

Jim immediately directed him to Scotty who had all the technical words for the starships damages, before telling the rest of his crew to spread out, don't cause any trouble, and to meet back here in two hours' time.

* * *

"Man, I can't say I didn't miss this" Bones remarked as they walked through the Headquarters gardens half an hour later.

Jim slowly nodded, thoughts elsewhere, but couldn't deny the familiar warmth that spread through him at being on solid ground for the first time in weeks.

"... We're going to find him, you know" the doctor said quietly, knowing exactly what his best friend was thinking, and the captain nodded once more, "I know... But I can't help but wonder of what those bastards are doing to him while we wait".

"He's a fighter, our Spock, whatever it is, he'll get through it" He continued, "And besides, he'll have out help to do so, now, won't he?"

"I guess..."

Jim frowned as they walked past a somewhat familiar looking officer.

"Do you think anyone here will recognise us?"

"Doubt it" Bones replied easily, "We've been gone for months. It's unlikely that any students in the same year as us are still here".

"And the teachers?"

"The teachers see over 200 new faces every 10 months, let alone the applicants who don't get past the first round... No, I think there are very few people still here that would recognise us".

* * *

"James Tiberius Kirk".

* * *

Both men froze, and the younger swore under his breath at the familiar voice.

He gave Bones a sideways look, "No one left to recognise us, huh?"

The doctor sighed as they both reluctantly turned around, "Just try not to cause a scene, would you?"

And in front of them, standing in all his glory, and looking quite the same since they left, was Christopher Pike.

* * *

He smirked, "Finally decided to show your face, did you?"

"What can I say?" Jim replied easily, "Bones talked me into it".

The man sighed in exasperation and shook his head as he stepped forwards, "It good to see you still alive, kid".

"You too" He said honestly, accepting the handshake without reluctance, "I don't suppose you're going to have us arrested, are you?"

"I should. You did steal one of my ships, after all" Chris shot back, "... But you're also looking rather worse for wear".

"Thanks".

He ignored the sarcastic response and continued.

"And the only explanation that I can come up with as to why you docked here, of all places... Is that you're in trouble. Serious trouble".

Jim looked over at Bones who shrugged and gave him a 'we-might-as-well' look.

Turning back around, he studied the stern man whose face was now open and kind, "... It's not _us_ that are in trouble. It's... a friend... of ours".

Bones snorted, folding his arms across his chest, "Oh please, as if he's going to believe that for one second".

Kirk promptly elbowed him, _hard_ , in the ribs but he remained resolute.

"Basically, sir, Jimmy here shacked up with a Vulcan that he found on one of our many various adventures and the two of them took a sort of liking to one another. Fast forward a few months later, they're playing the happy couple, when suddenly the boyfriend's abusive father finds him, and as a last dramatic act of love, the stupid son of a bitch hands himself over. We planned on going to Vulcan and retrieving him, but his father did quite the pretty number on our ship, and this is the only starbase close enough at hand not to cause any further delays".

Silence.

Pike stared at them, "You know... I actually believe you".

"What?!"

"I mean, I also believed the 'friend' story, short as it was, but something like _that_ could really only happen to Jim" He explained, turning to him, "What's his name?"

"His... His name-"

"Your boyfriend" He interrupted, "What's his name?"

"... Spock" He replied cautiously, "His name is... his name is S'chn T'gai Spock".

Pike froze.

"... S'chn T'gai?"

"Yea".

"... You've got to be kidding me".

Jim glared at him, "No. I'm not. And I don't give a fuck who he is, or who his _father_ is, because that abusive son of a bitch isn't worth _two cents_ in my books, not after all the pain he caused Spock. I don't care if you arrest me, take away my ship, or dismember my crew, but I _am_ going after him, and there is absolutely nothing in this _entire fucking universe_ that you can do to stop me!"

"... Alright" Chris nodded decisively, "Just wanted to make sure. Has his father, Ambassador Sarek I believe? brought him back to Vulcan?"

Jim stared at him in shock, but thankfully Bones remained level-headed.

"As far as we know, sir, yes".

"Okay... Well, as much as I _should_ arrest you, take away your ship, and break up your crew... I'm not going to. Because no one deserves to be in a household like that, no matter how important their father is... I'll talk to the board, see what I can do".

* * *

Jim slowly blinked as the man saluted, and then turned and marched back to the Headquarter building.

"... What just happened?"

Bones patted his shoulder sympathetically, "Well, I believe your little sob story actually made him pity you... Either way, though, it looks like we've just got Starfleet on our side".


	35. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As promised, another **Spock!Whump chapter!**
> 
> Don't worry though, **there's light at the end of the tunnel** and the ending will (hopefully) cheer you guys up a bit!
> 
> Sarek and Syvar will get what's coming to them!
> 
> Rachel :)
> 
> * * *

**Chaper 34**

Spock abruptly stilled as the door swung open.

In the reflection of the mirror, he could see Syvar standing there, an unhappy frown on his face.

"Why aren't you dressed yet?"

He swallowed thickly, refusing to answer, refusing to look at the colourful robes on the bed, refusing to admit that _he wasn't even physically able to clothe himself._

His fiancé sighed and stepped into the room, and the younger Vulcan flinches as the door was shut behind him.

"Is it your arm that's giving you trouble?" His voice was sickly sweet and it rotted Spock's heart to the core and made it impossible not to bite out a snide remark.

"Well maybe if you hadn't broken it, it wouldn't be!"

Syvar stared at him for a minute before shaking his head and turning his attention to the clothes he had left half an hour earlier, "That was your own fault, and you know it. If you didn't constantly ire my anger, then I'd have no need to discipline you. You won't make a good bondmate until you learn to obey me, Spock".

"Then you should find yourself a new bondmate, because I sure as _hell_ will _never_ obey you".

The man moved too fast to react, and before he even knew what had happened, he was sprawled on the floor with his cheek smarting painfully.

Standing above him, his fiancé sighed once more, "I really wish you wouldn't do that, Spock, you're only wasting more time. Your father expected us 10 minutes ago".

"Forgive me for not wanting to have _dinner_ with my _abusers!_ "

Syvar sighed, and pulled him back to his feet with a bruising grip on both arms, "I can never remember you being this feisty... You've forgotten your place while you were away".

"You say it like I went on holidays".

He blinked, "Was it not? You're never leaving again, after all. We'll be married in less than a month and then you'll be mine until the day you die... You can't honestly think that I'll let you escape again?"

He glared at him, "When I escape, Syvar, and that _is_ a _when_ , then I sure as _hell_ won't be asking for your _permission_ to do so".

The older Vulcan studied him closely, noting his sincerity and pushing down the urge to strike the younger again, instead choosing to pick up the robes from the bed and hand them to him.

"I expect to meet you outside the dining hall in no less than five minutes, or there _will_ be severe consequences. _Is that understood?_ "

Spock reluctantly nodded, the painful stinging of his cheek reminding him all too well that there was only so far he could push the man without getting hurt in return, and Syvar gave a sharp nod, before spinning on his heel and leaving him alone to his thoughts once more.

* * *

It was with great difficulty that Spock got dressed, and he couldn't help but notice how well the robes now fit him considering his healthy weight gain aboard Jim's ship.

 _Jim_.

He bit down a sob and told himself _get a grip dammit!_

The voice in his head sounded suspiciously like Bones.

* * *

Taking a deep breath, he left the room he'd been allowed to dress in and began the painstaking task of walking down the grand staircase, purposefully arriving outside the dining room 10 seconds late.

And based on the irritated scowl on Syvar's face, he knew it too.

"Stop glaring!" He snapped, grabbing his arm tightly, "We are going to have a peaceful dinner with your father and _you are going to behave!_ Is that clear?"

He nodded, and the grip turned bruising, "I said _is that clear?!_ "

"Yes!" He hissed, jerking his arm out of the painful grip, and Syvar smirked lewdly, "Good. After you".

"Ah, Spock, how good of you to make it!" He father exclaimed from his seat at the head of the empty table, and he scowled, "Well you didn't give me much of a choice".

Salek frowned, and he felt a painful jab in his back, Syvar's way of _warning_ him.

"Sit" He said tightly, and the youngest Vulcan obeyed, taking his usual seat at the large table, his fiancé sitting opposite him.

His father rang a bell, and almost immediately three servants silently walked in, placing their dishes in front of them and removing the silver lids.

Spock waited until they had left before glancing down at the unappetising limp lettuce and sour vegetables.

Syvar frowned at him, "What's wrong? Don't you want to eat?"

Oh yes.

Now he remembered. _Don't you want to eat Spock? Aren't you hungry? Starving? You are? Well, too bad, because you're not allowed to touch it. And if you do? Well. You know the consequences-_

He was well versed in this game.

Spock kept his chin high and pushed the plate away.

"No".

* * *

He might as well have slapped them.

* * *

They both stared at him for a solid minute before Sarek slowly began chewing again.

"You've been here for an entire week, Spock. You must be hungry by now".

_He was going to escape._

"I'm not".

_He wasn't to take it lying down._

Syvar kicked him non-so-subtly under the table, but he refused to let the pain show on his face.

_Not again._

His fiancé glared, "You _must_ be hungry. _Starving_. It's been _seven days!_ "

He studied the silver knife resting on the table next to him, feigning disinterest even as his heart beat loudly in his ears, "No, not really".

It would be a meagre weapon, it was only there for decoration after all... but it would do.

Sarek swore and tossed his fork down on his plate, "Spock. Eat!"

"No thank you".

"Do I need to teach you a lesson?" He asked, eyes darkening.

The younger Vulcan casually placed his hand over the knife even as he turned to face him, a reckless smirk coming over his features.

" _I'd like to see you try_ ".

* * *

And then, everything seemed to happen very quickly.

* * *

Spock lurched back, sending his chair spinning even as he backed himself up against the wall, sharp knife held tightly in his good hand. Syvar growled and stood up, marching around the table to face him. And Salek jumped to his feet as a servant burst into the room, panting heavily.

Silence.

His father slowly turned to face the intruder, "Yes? What is it?!"

"It's Starfleet, sir!" He gasped, "They're _here!_ "


	36. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just remember, it's got to get worse before it can get better guys!
> 
> Rachel ;)
> 
> * * *

**Chapter 35**

Jim swore loudly as the servant ran off, before glancing over at Pike, "He's warning them".

His old friend nodded, a grave expression on his face, "Let's go".

It had taken only seven hours to get the go ahead from Starfleet, especially with Bones's medical reports on the abuse Spock had suffered, and only another hour before they were granted a fully-operational ship and given a handful of Federation guards to take Sarek into custody once they had arrived on Vulcan.

Needless to say, Starfleet weren't happy with their Vulcan counterpart, and had immediately issued a warrant for his arrest for breaking so many laws, with Pike being the arrester on scene.

The only thing that Jim cared about, was getting his own Vulcan back.

* * *

Following the servant down one of the many halls in the large house, they burst through the dining room doors before coming to an abrupt stop once inside.

Jim felt himself pale as he took in his boyfriend's stance, defensive and hurt, his battered and bruised body swaying on the spot as he protectively held a dull knife out in front of himself like a sword, a feeble weapon compared to the strength of the Vulcan standing in front of him.

_So that was Syvar._

The blonde felt his blood boil even just looking at the large muscular man, and he heard Bones growl lowly next to him.

"Admiral Pike? What is the meaning of this?!"

Jim quickly turned back to the Vulcan closest to them as he spoke.

The Ambassador didn't look much like his son, asides from the tell-tale ears, and he found himself strangely dismayed that he never got the chance to see what Spock's mother had looked like.

"This, Sarek, is a Federation intervention" Pike replied sternly, "As of now, Starfleet disowns any and all connections they have with you and your family. Due to your repeated breakage of basic laws by abusing your youngest son, you are hereby disentitled as Vulcan Ambassador and I am here to issue your arrest. There are Starfleet guards on standby aboard our ship to take you into custody and I demand that you come quickly and quietly or I will use force. Do you understand?"

* * *

And then all hell broke loose.

* * *

Sarek charged at them, Bones and Chekov quickly stepping in to help Pike subdue him, while Nyota and Sulu charged at Syvar.

Jim kept his head low as he tried to avoid everyone's notice, silently making his way closer to a trembling Spock, the Vulcan's eyes worryingly blank.

He was almost there when he heard a large crash, a pained yell, and then suddenly he was tackled to the floor and large hands were wrapped around his neck.

Winded, he managed to spin around in his captors grasp, finding Syvar's furious gaze above him, and Nyota and Sulu lying in a dazed heap behind him, the former bleeding profusely from a headwound caused by the broken chair in front of them.

Jim gritted his teeth and struggled in the Vulcan's grip, feeling his vision darkening just as Pike bit out a muffled curse as Sarek escaped his hold once more, Chekov knocked out on the floor and Bones frantically trying to slap him awake.

They were overpowered.

They were injured.

_They were going to lose_.

* * *

" _ **STOP!"**_

* * *

Everyone froze before spinning around to face him, and Spock glared back viciously, the knife now pressed firmly against his right side, just above his liver.

Bones stumbled to his feet, automatically taking a step forwards, face pale and panicked, "Spock, _don't_ ".

He could pinpoint the exact moment that everyone else realised.

Vulcan anatomy differed greatly from humans, after all.

And one of these differences, was the location of their hearts.

* * *

He forced himself to turn back to Syvar, his voice painfully loud in the silent room, "Let him go or I'll do it".

His fiancé let out a sudden laugh, dropping Jim like a ragdoll as he got to his feet, "Really, Spock? _Really?_ Taking the _cowards_ way out? Well then go right ahead! _I dare you..._ You'll save me the effort of doing it myself".

He felt his hands begin to shake even as the blonde snarled and staggered to his feet, punching Syvar hard enough to momentarily daze him and sent him spiralling to the ground below.

"Spock, don't do it" He pleaded, slowly taking a step forwards, and the younger man distantly realised that he'd never seen Jim look this scared before.

"Just... Just put the knife down, yea?" He continued gently, "Please don't do this, please, _god_ , just- just don't do this, okay? _Okay?!_ "

The Vulcan felt his vision blur and suddenly realised that he was crying.

On the other side of him, Syvar growled and sat up, "Don't listen to him, you _whore_. He's nothing but a piece on the side. You think he _cares_ about you? That this _human_ cares about something other than your _body?!_ You're more stupid than I thought. Stupid, worthless, unfaithful, _whore_ just like your mother-"

Jim spun around and kicked him in the jaw with all his might, sending the older man toppling backwards, and everyone heard the sickening crack as skull met wood.

* * *

Spock stared at his fiancé where he lay, remaining strangely still as his mouth frothed green.

* * *

From the other side of the room, Pike swore as Sarek once more escaped his grasp and ran straight for the glass doors next to him.

_There's only one way off that balcony_ , Spock vaguely recalled, _so it looks like my father won't be arrested after all._

He only barely noticed Jim inching his way towards him, closer and closer until with a soothing voice and hands so gentle it caused more tears, he took the knife from his loose grip, immediately tossing it to the other side of the room just as Spock heard his father's body hit the concrete pavement in the distance.

He felt warm hands lightly touch his shoulders as he was slowly lowered to the ground, his eyes remaining focused on Syvar's body in front of him until a panicked Bones blocked his view.

They were gone.

They couldn't hurt him anymore.

He was _free_.

* * *

"Spock?! _Spock!_ "

* * *

Then kind arms were wrapping themselves around him, and he felt safe and warm and _protected_ for the first time in _oh-so-long_ and he couldn't help but smile as his mind finally, _finally_ , drifted away and away and _away_ until-

_Nothing_.


	37. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, we're finally coming to an end and I'm guessing there's only three-ish? chapters left I presume... Don't worry though, it'll have a happy ending, despite what the next chapter brings!
> 
> Is there anything you'd like to see before I end it?
> 
> Rachel :)
> 
> * * *

**Chapter 36**

Spock slowly woke to the sound of low beeping and an even quieter muttering.

Keeping his eyes closed, he carefully took his situation into account.

He was lying down on a hard bed with soft sheets and his skin was pulled taut in more than a few places, meaning that all his wounds were stitched up, and the rest of his body was surprisingly pain free despite the amount of medical tape and bandages he could feel covering him.

His internal clock was offline, and appeared to have been so for quite some time.

The last thing he remembered was turning the dinner knife on himself, the look of cruel satisfaction on Syvar's face before there was a burst of green blood as a terrified Jim Kirk striked him across the face.

Which meant he was safe.

He was safe, Jim had saved him, they had won.

And it was with that final, comforting thought, that he gathered the courage to open his eyes.

* * *

The first thing he saw, was the brightness of a white ceiling above him.

The second thing, was the slightly ruffled and mildly irritated Doctor Leonard McCoy standing by his bedside.

And the third thing his sharp gaze picked up, was the very ruffled and even more so exhausted Captain Jim Kirk asleep in the chair on the other side of him.

* * *

He blinked.

Bones frowned, "... Spock?"

He slowly turned to face the man, who seemed strangely worried, an expression that he had only seen on the doctor a handful of times before.

"... Do you remember us coming to rescue you?"

The Vulcan paused, before slowly nodding, not trusting his voice based on his dry mouth and parched throat.

"Do you remember _everything_ that happened?"

Trust Bones to read between the lines.

He reluctantly shook his head.

The man sighed, before taking a seat on the edge of his bed, careful not to actually come into contact with his body directly.

Spock appreciated it immensely.

"We fought your father and fiancé" McCoy explained, before suddenly pausing, "... They're now dead".

He'd guessed as much.

"Your father, Sarek, he... he jumped from the balcony of the dining room. Died on impact" He continued, thankfully not sugar-coating it, "As for Syvar... Jim killed him".

Spock swallowed thickly.

He'd seen it happen, could recall with painful clarity the blood that had trickled from the older Vulcan's mouth, the way glassy eyes had stared back at him, almost _accusingly_.

He'd made Jim kill someone.

_He forced Jim to murder someone._

* * *

Spock felt his breathing hitch, and almost immediately Bones was back on his feet and leaning over him reassuringly but not over-crowding him.

"Hey hey hey! Hobgoblin, calm down! _Calm down_ , alright? Just take some deep breaths... Spock! _Breathe!_ "

But he couldn't, he couldn't, _he couldn't!_

Because all the commotion and Bones's loud swearing and the wailing of the hospital machines behind him had woken the sleeping captain up, and now Jim was quickly rubbing the sleep from his eyes and jumping up, startled at the sudden commotion.

The second their eyes met, Spock felt himself flinch, and Jim recoiled as if struck.

"Breath, dammit!" McCoy was still yelling but he didn't understand, he didn't understand, _he couldn't understand_ because he wasn't the one who had _made Jim kill someone!_

"Get out of here, kid".

The captain turned tot face the doctor, movements jerky and bleary, "I- What?"

"Get out of here!" He snapped, "He's hyperventilating and you're not making things any better!"

"But I... I didn't mean to-"

"Jim!" Bones all-but yelled as Spock found his vision starting to blur at the edges, "He flinched back from you. So get out of here. _Now!_ "

And with one last startled look in the Vulcan's direction, Jim fled.

And with one last guilt-ridden look in the Terran's direction, Spock passed out.

* * *

Jim didn't know what to think.

They'd rescued Spock only days before, and he'd been immediately rushed to hospital back on the Starfleet Base, with Bones acting as doctor-in-charge.

He's been sedated, and had remained unconscious since then, and the blonde had refused to leave his side until he'd woken up.

But he had woken up.

And Spock had been _scared_ of him.

Jim swore and kicked the nearest wall, not caring about the strange looks he got from passer-by's.

It couldn't end like this.

_It just couldn't!_

He couldn't have met Spock all those months ago, eventually started dating him, have him taken away from him by his abusive family, only to rescue him again, and now _lose it all._

Spock was scared of him.

_But why?!_

* * *

Jim stopped, leant his forehead against the cool brick wall, and took a deep breath.

He'd killed Spock's last remaining family.

Spock's only family.

And despite their unlawful and quite frankly _disgusting_ treatment of him, they were still his family.

Jim had killed them.

And he'd do it again in a heartbeat.

Even if that did mean Spock hated him for it.

Taking another calming breath, he straightened up, and resolutely made his way to Christopher Pike's office.

If Spock hated him after all this... then fine.

He'd deal with it.

He wouldn't like it, he wouldn't enjoy it, and he sure as hell wouldn't be happy about it... but if it made his favourite _Vulcan_ happy...

Well...

He'd just have to accept it, then, wouldn't he?

* * *

Knocking on the old wooden door, it opened within moments, and a stern-faced admiral greeted him.

"Ah, Jim, you've thought about Starfleet's offer, I presume?"

"I have" He replied, his voice sounding strangely distant, "And I want to accept".

The man blinked, looking almost surprised, "You... accept?"

He nodded once.

"Jim... You know how soon this mission starts... You'd have to leave by the end of the week".

"I know" He replied, "I'll tell my crew".

Pike hesitated, "Lad... Spock's still in hospital, he won't be in any position to-"

"Spock and I have parted ways" Jim forced himself to say, blood rushing loudly in his ears, "I'd appreciate it if you'd tell the board of directors".

He left before the older man could say another word, and forced him to ignore the yells after him.

It was for the best, after all.

Spock deserved to be happy.

And if he couldn't do that with Jim... well... they'd just have to leave each other then.

* * *

Unbeknownst to both the Vulcan and the Terran, their thoughts had taken very similar dark paths, down unforgiving roads filled of guilt and regret, and while both men were spurred on by very different reasons, one thought remained the same in both their minds.

* * *

_He hates me._


	38. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Second last chapter!
> 
> Rachel :(
> 
> * * *

**Chapter 37**

"You asked to see me, Admiral?" McCoy questioned as the man opened his office door.

He nodded, "Yes, doctor, please, come in".

He did as told, wary of the older officer's tired frown and irritated expression.

"Please, have a seat".

He sat.

Pike took a deep breath, before turning back to him, "... Has Jim told you he's accepted the mission from Starfleet?"

He shifted uncomfortably in his chair, "He has... I didn't think he was given much of a option, though".

"He could have declined it".

"After the stunt he just pulled? The stunt that _we_ all just pulled?" McCoy shot back unbelievingly, "You know, that resulted in the Vulcan Ambassador for the Federation committing suicide while Jim kicked in the head of his future son-in-law? _That_ stunt?"

"Granted, he needs to... redeem himself" Pike finally agreed, taking his own seat behind the desk, "But this mission requires him to leave in three days time".

Bones stilled, "... What?"

"Starfleet's mission. It means he leaves by the end of the week" He repeated, "And you know probably better than anyone that Spock is in no fit state to travel so soon".

"... Jim didn't mention that part".

"He told me they parted ways. Have they... broken up?"

If it were any other situation, the doctor would have laughed at how uncomfortable the uptight stern Admiral looked saying those words.

But considering that it concerned his two favourite idiots and potentially life or death, he frowned instead.

"Jim told you he was leaving?"

"Yes. Yesterday. I told him what the consequences were, and he said they didn't matter" Pike finished, "Doctor McCoy, I... I am _worried_ about him".

"You and me both!" He snapped, "That bloody _idiot!_ "

He couldn't help but smirk at the harsh yet currently accurate description.

"Will you talk to him about it?" Chris asked, and the younger man slowly nodded, "Yea... Yea, I'll have a few words..."

_James T. Kirk was a fucking moron._

* * *

"Oy! Jim!" Bones yelled, jogging to catch up with the man who was trying to sneak out of the building unnoticed.

He saw the man's shoulders tense just before he grabbed one and spun him around so they finally faced each other.

And god, did he look exhausted.

_Served him right the bastard._

"What the hell is this I hear about you leaving us in three days?!" He snapped, uncaring of the stares he got from the people passing.

Jim sighed heavily and ran a hand through unkempt hair, "Bones, I... I was going to tell you-"

"Bullshit" He growled, "You've known of the possibility for a week now! You've known it for certain since yesterday! If you were going to tell me, you'd have said something by now".

"... I don't want to leave you behind".

"So you thought it'd be easier to just not say goodbye?" He shot back, though decidedly softer this time, "Jim, you can't just do that to me, to any of us!"

He shifted awkwardly from one foot to the other, avoiding his gaze.

McCoy narrowed his eyes at him, "What? What aren't you telling me? What are you leaving out?"

"It's... The others... They're coming with me".

It was like a slap to the face.

"And I'm not?" He asked quietly, "Getting too _old_ , am I? Not _good_ enough anymore? Not _useful_ anymore?!"

"What?! No! Bones, it's not-"

"Then what is it, Jim?!" He yelled, "Why the fucking hell are you so adamant on leaving?!"

"Because of Spock".

* * *

And there it was.

Three simple words.

The deciding factor.

* * *

"You think he wants you to leave" Bones suddenly realised, "And that I'll stay behind to look after him".

"Well he _needs_ looking after, and the next doctor qualified to even _know_ what a Vulcan's is, is at least three _weeks_ away, and I don't have that, I have three _days_ , and I'm not _selfish_ enough to take you from him, not when he's _this_ hurt, this injured, not when _he_ needs you more than _I_ do, I just _wouldn't_ -"

" _Jim!_ "

He abruptly stopped.

McCoy ran a tired hand over his face, "... Why are you leaving Spock behind?"

"... You saw how he was, when he woke up. When he _saw_ _me_... I killed his family, Bones, and yea, they weren't very _nice_ or- or- or even remotely _acceptable_ in _any_ sense of the word but- but they were still his _family_... And now, because of me, he has none".

"He has you. He has me. Uhura, Scotty, Sulu, Chekov. Are we not his family now?"

"That's different, and you know it".

"No, Jim, it's not" He replied, "Because I'd consider you my brother before I'd even _look_ at my own parents. And when was the last time your _mother_ contacted you? Or- Or Uhura's _father_ contacted her? And _Chekov?_ The kids only _19_ , for fucks sake, yet did we ever _once_ question why someone so _young_ like him was running away? No. We didn't. Because somewhere, deep down inside of us, _we knew_... And the exact same goes for Spock".

"... He hates me".

"You don't know that".

"He flinched back when I woke up".

"I had just told him his father and fiancé were now dead".

"Yea, because I killed them".

"Because one jumped off a balcony and the other tried to kill you first" Bones finished firmly, "... Don't leave without talking to him, Jim. Or you'll regret it for the rest of your life".

* * *

The blonde swallowed thickly, eyes shining, "I... I wouldn't know what to say".

"Tell him you're sorry for what happened but it had to be done. Tell him you still love him. Tell him that you won't leave if he wants you to stay".

"I have to leave, I don't have the option not to".

Bones sighed, "Jim... we'll talk to Board of Directors. Maybe this mission isn't... urgent. Maybe they'll agree to delay it for a week or two, just until Spock gets good enough to be moved".

"... What if he _does_ hate me?"

"Then I'll punch him for you".

He gave an abrupt laugh, despite the now-overflowing tears that just clenched at the doctor's heart.

"... I'm scared, Bones".

"Don't be, kid. With the bond that you two had... I doubt anything could break it".

Steeling himself, he took a deep breath, "Alright... Alright, okay, I'll... I'll go see him".

"Now".

"... Now?"

" _Now_ , Jim".

"... Now, then" He finally replied, "... Will you walk me there? To make sure I don't convince myself not to do it?"

"Of course" McCoy replied easily, throwing an arm over the blonde's shoulder, "I mean, what else are brothers there for, right?"


	39. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **AND WE HAVE REACHED THE END!**
> 
> Thank you so much so everyone who has followed me along this journey!
> 
> It has been a bash!
> 
> Rachel :'D
> 
> * * *

**Chapter 38**

Stepping into the hospital room once more, Jim wasn't sure if he was glad or scared that Spock was sitting up in bed, wide awake.

When he glanced up at him, he stopped, and they awkwardly stared at each other for a few minutes.

Bones coughed loudly, "Well then. I'll just... be standing guard outside. Just remember that the windows are too high up to jump out of".

Jim sent him a dark look but allowed him to leave.

Turning back to the Vulcan, he gave an awkward smile, "He, uh... He thinks I'll try to escape".

"Will you?"

And _god_ it had been _far too long_ since he'd heard _that voice_.

"... I don't know" He admitted, slowly walking over to sit down next to the hospital bed, "Do you... _want_ me to leave?"

"... Do _you_ want to leave?"

Jim didn't answer.

Spock gave a quiet sight.

"I know you don't want to be with me now but-"

"Wait, what?!"

The Vulcan stared at him, "... What what?"

"You think- I don't- I'm not wanting to- You think I _want_ to leave?"

"... Do you not?"

"What, no, I'd never-" Jim abruptly stopped and turned to him, "I thought you wanted me to leave?!"

"... Why?"

"Well, because I- I- I killed your family".

His eyes darkened, "They were not my family. And they deserve to be dead".

"But then... why did you flinch when you woke up that last time?"

"Because I made you kill someone. I was the reason for you having to _murder_ someone that-"

"-that was your family" the human finished, "... You don't care that I killed them?"

"No... Do you not care that you had to kill them?"

He shook his head.

* * *

They stared at each other for a minute before giving strained smiles.

* * *

"Guess this is our own fault then, huh" Jim said, and Spock nodded, wringing bandaged hands together restlessly.

"I... I could... you know... touch you?"

The blonde blinked at him and the Vulcan flushed, "I'm... all of my kind are... we're-"

"Touch telepaths" He realised with sudden clarity, "Obviously. I should have- I should have realised that-"

Jim stopped and took a deep breath, "... Would you be okay with that?"

"... I want to see what happened. I want- I want to know how you feel, how I feel in relation to-" Spock cut himself off, before carefully glancing up and holding out a trembling hand, "... Please?"

Jim smiled and dragged his chair forwards, gladly taking the younger's hand.

* * *

Almost immediately he was assaulted by a hundred different feeling and emotions and memories that were not his own.

Regret, guilt, anger, fear, despair-

But never blame.

He didn't hate him.

He didn't even _dislike_ him.

_He didn't want him to leave._

* * *

Slowly pulling back, Spock looked at him carefully.

Jim stared at him, "... Can I kiss you?"

"God yes".

Surging forwards, they finally reconnected for the first time in _weeks_ , full of relief and joy and contentment because they were finally _finally_ back _together_.

Grinning, Jim carefully pulled back, keeping his hands on either side of the Vulcan's head, supporting himself to prevent further injuring his once-more boyfriend.

Spock smiled shyly back up at him, and the blonde couldn't help but kiss him once more.

"So we're good?"

"Yes" He replied, "We're good".

"... Are you good?"

Spock's smile dimmed somewhat, "... With you, eventually, I might be".

Sitting back down in his chair, Jim made sure to keep their hands intertwined, even as he beamed down at the man still lying in the bed.

* * *

Now, though, they'd have to sort out the technicalities.

* * *

"I'm leaving".

Spock frowned, suddenly worried looking.

Jim swallowed thickly, "I've, ah... I've been offered a ship, by Starfleet... I don't have much of an option to refuse".

"... They'll arrest you?"

"Most likely" He replied, "Turns out, however, Pike's got a few contacts. That, plus me being George Kirk's son, something that has _finally_ come back to benefit me, as well as reports from the various species and planets we've helped over the last few months... They've decided I'd make a good captain".

"You already are a good captain".

He grinned, "Well _obviously!_ But now it's official. Something about good crisis management and clear decisiveness shown during a difficult mission that resulted in no good-guy causalities... I'm paraphrasing, of course".

Spock smiled, "Of course... So, when do you leave?"

"In three days' time" He replied, "It's a five-year long mission. They've even given me my own ship, called it the 'Enterprise'. All minor personal will be hired for me. I just have to pick the major positions".

"Your own crew".

"Exactly. Nyota will be Head Communications Officer, Chekov Head of Navigations, Sulu my Head Helmsman, Scotty Chief Engineer, and Bones as my CMO".

Spock slowly nodded, looking crestfallen.

Jim couldn't help but grin in response.

"So, all I need now... Is my First Officer".

* * *

His head snapped up.

The blonde stared at him

The Vulcan looked almost _hopeful_.

* * *

"... You mean-"

"I really do hate breaking in newbies".

"Well I wouldn't want to have to make you do that".

"And really, it'd be a pain trying to introduce them to everyone".

"Understandable".

"You wouldn't want to be making life difficult for me".

"I really would not".

"Then it's sorted then" Jim announced, "Bones and I will try to delay the mission, if it were urgent then I'd have left by now. Vulcan's have superior healing abilities anyway, so we shouldn't have to delay it too long... Will you join me?"

"As your First Mate?"

"... As my Mate in everything?"

Spock's smile widened, "I believe I can do that".

Jim grinned, leaning forwards to capture his lips with his own once more.

"You'll follow me then?"

"I'll follow you anywhere" He replied softly, "Through Hail, Rain, or Sunshine".


End file.
